I'm being "selfish"...

[TwoRdue]

Wow if I was told that I would laugh at them. Are they serious? They have had there babys. My OH is telling people to be warned that they will have to pry the baby from my hands for a hug as he feels I will be over protective as we have had such a long road to get here.
You be how you want to be with your baby and screw what anyone thinks.

 

[AP]

Selfish? No way!
If it makes you feel better look at my ticker. Now yesterday, my in laws had them for the first time all day. They still haven't done overnights and I don't intend to let it happen any time soon.
There is no need. My rule of thumb is, if it doesn't benefit baby AND me, then it's not happening! Why upset yourself for their selfish benefit?

 

[Kaileymonster]

Both sides of our family have had LO over night a few times. Maybe 8 between them and he's nearly two.

It's always when it's benefited us i.e. so we could re-decorate or for our anniversary (the one time we've been out since he was born). They have never had my LO when they have asked because then it's on their terms, I never go visiting because they ask, I always ask them as a favour.

In my view, If I want help I'll ask for it but he is OUR baby and OUR responsibility, I'm not gunna palm my kid off on someone else to have "a break" as they call it. My LO will be with my mum when I'm in labour as my MIL doesn't drive and I'll be in hospital after baby is born and it's suits us better for her to have him.

 

[MissPolley]

i dont accept the way my parents talk down to me so i certainly wouldn't accept it from in laws. you stick to your guns, they have absolutely no right what so ever to demand having your child, being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.

 

[rowleypolie]

I am not defending them at all, but maybe it came out wrong... They might be thinking of having her for date nights or time away. My mom asked to take my 5 year old for 2 weeks because she lives far away and wanted to spend time with her and I agreed. I feel like if she wants to spend time with them, she should be able to. There are too many people in my life that never see their own kids that I would never deny her a chance to love our kids. She has stayed overnights and such since 9 months (when my parents lived closer) the first trip of a couple days was at 3 years old and she has only had my 2year old overnight once (she is more difficult than her sister)

 

[AwesomePossum]

No offense but it sounds like they are trying to boss you around because you are young :/. You are not being selfish at all. They can come see baby when YOU allow them. We didn't let our baby do an overnight away from us until he was almost a year old. Be firm in telling them you are happy to let them see baby but it certainly isn't "theirs". How absurd!

 

[AP]

"This is just as much our baby as it is yours...if we want her to stay the night then she is"

Just ask him where he was when you concieved, cause you never spotted him, did you? or ask him where on the birth cert he needs to sign...

Arggghhhh I hate that line, that drives me nuts.

 

[Amy89]

Agree with the rest, your child - your rules! My OH said that if we want to go out then we can leave LO at my MIL....I was like errrrr no! They swear like troopers, have 2 not so nice dogs, and OHs neice who's there a lot last week said she would kick the baby....if we want them to watch our LO, it will be at OUR house for a few hours...I'm pretty sure I will not be leaving LO at their house overnight, especially as a baby!

 

[USAF_WIFE]

I am not defending them at all, but maybe it came out wrong... They might be thinking of having her for date nights or time away. My mom asked to take my 5 year old for 2 weeks because she lives far away and wanted to spend time with her and I agreed. I feel like if she wants to spend time with them, she should be able to. There are too many people in my life that never see their own kids that I would never deny her a chance to love our kids. She has stayed overnights and such since 9 months (when my parents lived closer) the first trip of a couple days was at 3 years old and she has only had my 2year old overnight once (she is more difficult than her sister)

I think the difference here is they expect to keep clothes in their home and are telling her what is going to happen with HER child. Sure its great they want to be involved but some people are not ok with handing their newborn over to someone else over night after being TOLD what she is going to do... I did not let my daughter stay overnight anywhere at all until last year at 4 she stayed 2 weeks with my mom I was super stressed and she offered and I trusted her. It was sooo hard I thought I needed the break but I missed my baby. I think its ok if its ok with the parent which in this case its clearly not.

 

[Dani_Ldn]

As much their baby as yours, wtf??!! If anyone said this to me, they would get a punch in the face! I am astounded at the number of posts on this forum where people's inlaws have said this very thing & MIL's telling people that they wll be in the delivery room!

|You are not being selfish, this baby is your baby & only you & your oh decided how she will be raised, where she will spend her time & who will be in the delivery room! Does your oh ever say anything to them about their behaviour?

 

[little_cookie]

They have serious issues and are deluded if they think this baby is "theirs". I wouldn't want my child around people like that personally. I can just see you complaining forever that they are being overbearing. Put them in their place.

 

[mummybuns]

Can I 'selfishly' add to the MIL rant. My (Greek) MIL has so far:

• forbidden me to go swimming in the sea
• told me she will add formula milk to supplement my breast milk or the baby will be hungry (ggrrr)
• chosen curtains for my nursery and 'rejected' my own choice (Apparently, they are 'too dark' and baby needs a light rooom. What about when it needs to sleep then???!!)
• insisted that the doctor write the sex on a piece of paper for her even though my partner and I don't want to know (hell no)
• told me not to go on a trip this week because I'm pregnant
• told me I have to eat tonight because I'm pregnant (like I wouldn't anyway!)

This list could be endless but I won't bore you...Basically, living in a foreign country sometimes means that we have hugely different ideas about how to raise a baby. That scares the hell out of me. I'm already working out ways to minimise her contact so that I get to be the main influence on this child!

 

[Kaileymonster]

Can I 'selfishly' add to the MIL rant. My (Greek) MIL has so far:

• forbidden me to go swimming in the sea
• told me she will add formula milk to supplement my breast milk or the baby will be hungry (ggrrr)
• chosen curtains for my nursery and 'rejected' my own choice (Apparently, they are 'too dark' and baby needs a light rooom. What about when it needs to sleep then???!!)
• insisted that the doctor write the sex on a piece of paper for her even though my partner and I don't want to know (hell no)
• told me not to go on a trip this week because I'm pregnant
• told me I have to eat tonight because I'm pregnant (like I wouldn't anyway!)

This list could be endless but I won't bore you...Basically, living in a foreign country sometimes means that we have hugely different ideas about how to raise a baby. That scares the hell out of me. I'm already working out ways to minimise her contact so that I get to be the main influence on this child!

I would be screaming if I was you!!

 

[iluvmyfamily]

So apparently me not wanting my LO to spend a night away is being selfish? I'm fine with my in-laws watching LO so me and OH can have a few hours alone, and that still won't be happening for a few months, but is it really selfish of me to not want my baby there over night?
It's bad enough they have already told me that some of the clothes I get for LO I'm going to have to leave at their house for when she's here, which won't be happening, but now I'm being selfish because according to FIL "This is just as much our baby as it is yours...if we want her to stay the night then she is"
Uhhhh, are they going threw cramps and body aches, never-ending hunger and peeing every 5 minutes? No. As far as I'm concerned she is more of my baby then anyone elses..

Omggggg...Are you kidding me??? He said that??? Umm..sorry but, were they in the same bed as you and your husband when you conceived your daughter?!! Were they SEXUALLY involved? I HOPE NOT. So NO, she's not theirs. You and your husband have the last say in what goes on with your child(ren) and if people don't like it then that's their problem. I wouldn't let her sleep there at all after what your father in law said. He would think he can discipline her, and spoil her whenever. I don't think you're being selfish and if anyone thinks you are then they're nuts.

 

[iluvmyfamily]

Can I 'selfishly' add to the MIL rant. My (Greek) MIL has so far:

• forbidden me to go swimming in the sea
• told me she will add formula milk to supplement my breast milk or the baby will be hungry (ggrrr)
• chosen curtains for my nursery and 'rejected' my own choice (Apparently, they are 'too dark' and baby needs a light rooom. What about when it needs to sleep then???!!)
• insisted that the doctor write the sex on a piece of paper for her even though my partner and I don't want to know (hell no)
• told me not to go on a trip this week because I'm pregnant
• told me I have to eat tonight because I'm pregnant (like I wouldn't anyway!)

This list could be endless but I won't bore you...Basically, living in a foreign country sometimes means that we have hugely different ideas about how to raise a baby. That scares the hell out of me. I'm already working out ways to minimise her contact so that I get to be the main influence on this child!

I would wanna strangle this woman! I hate when people think they can just do whatever they want when it comes to our kids. We're the parents, we're not just here to pop the kids out. Honestly in the end, remember you made her a Grandmother, you come first, you're the mom.

 

[iluvmyfamily]

I am not defending them at all, but maybe it came out wrong... They might be thinking of having her for date nights or time away. My mom asked to take my 5 year old for 2 weeks because she lives far away and wanted to spend time with her and I agreed. I feel like if she wants to spend time with them, she should be able to. There are too many people in my life that never see their own kids that I would never deny her a chance to love our kids. She has stayed overnights and such since 9 months (when my parents lived closer) the first trip of a couple days was at 3 years old and she has only had my 2year old overnight once (she is more difficult than her sister)

I think the difference here is they expect to keep clothes in their home and are telling her what is going to happen with HER child. Sure its great they want to be involved but some people are not ok with handing their newborn over to someone else over night after being TOLD what she is going to do... I did not let my daughter stay overnight anywhere at all until last year at 4 she stayed 2 weeks with my mom I was super stressed and she offered and I trusted her. It was sooo hard I thought I needed the break but I missed my baby. I think its ok if its ok with the parent which in this case its clearly not.

I agree and honestly I don't think it came out wrong. I mean he clearly said the baby is just as much as theirs as it is hers and if they want her to sleep over she WILL. He flat out told her what's gonna be done without caring how felt about it. Grandparents wanting to spend time with their Grandkids is PERFECT and WONDERFUL, but when you say things like that, you're crossing the line. Just my opinion.

 

[USAF_WIFE]

I am not defending them at all, but maybe it came out wrong... They might be thinking of having her for date nights or time away. My mom asked to take my 5 year old for 2 weeks because she lives far away and wanted to spend time with her and I agreed. I feel like if she wants to spend time with them, she should be able to. There are too many people in my life that never see their own kids that I would never deny her a chance to love our kids. She has stayed overnights and such since 9 months (when my parents lived closer) the first trip of a couple days was at 3 years old and she has only had my 2year old overnight once (she is more difficult than her sister)

I think the difference here is they expect to keep clothes in their home and are telling her what is going to happen with HER child. Sure its great they want to be involved but some people are not ok with handing their newborn over to someone else over night after being TOLD what she is going to do... I did not let my daughter stay overnight anywhere at all until last year at 4 she stayed 2 weeks with my mom I was super stressed and she offered and I trusted her. It was sooo hard I thought I needed the break but I missed my baby. I think its ok if its ok with the parent which in this case its clearly not.

I agree and honestly I don't think it came out wrong. I mean he clearly said the baby is just as much as theirs as it is hers and if they want her to sleep over she WILL. He flat out told her what's gonna be done without caring how felt about it. Grandparents wanting to spend time with their Grandkids is PERFECT and WONDERFUL, but when you say things like that, you're crossing the line. Just my opinion.

Exactly.