Im falling apart..

[nkbapbt]

I hope you all remember what happened to me...if not..I had a missed abortion which resulted in a d&c a couple days later, which after I suffered a lot of complications.

I have been with my BH on and off for ten years now, with a break when I moved away. Other than that, we have always known we would end up together. I love him more than anything in this whole wide world. He is my soulmate, and I have known that since we first met at 17! I recently found out by mistake that he has bought a engagement ring for me, and maybe planning to propose on a vacation we are taking in three days.

And for some reason I am so scared to go. I know I want to marry him, but for some reason Im scared about it happening. And yet I want it too...how does that make sense?!

To top everything off, Im suffering from so much grief that it's affecting nearly everything I do. I haven't eaten a full meal since we lost the baby. I'm having trouble sleeping, I'm moody and I just do not want to do anything. Like even basic things like clean or walk my poor dog.

Also my BH wants to try right away to get pregnant, and I do too. But Im scared about that too!

I feel like Im falling apart and losing my mind.

I have people in my family I can talk too, but I just dont want to do that either. But I wonder if I shouldn't talk to someone!

Edited in:

After posting this..I had a moment of thinking about why I might be scared about my BH proposing..I guess I feel like a burden to him right now. I feel like such a mess.

HELP!

 

[Mynxie]

sweetheart, what you feel about losing the baby, it's probable that your OH feels exactly the same....if not very similar. Maybe focusing in on what he wants is his way of holding things together and proposing now is his way of showing that.

If you're not ready to make the commitment, be honest with him. Or, if you know you want to marry him but just not yet, make it a long engagement.

Thinking of you xx

 

[Samo]

so sorry hun. just wanted to send you some

 

[toot]

So sorry you are going through this... I too had a m/c and like you I could not sleep didn't want to eat didn't clean no wash , when the phone rang I didn't even want to answer it, with time it does get better, as for your boyfried getting you a ring just by reading your post it sounds like you already know your answer, just remember that just casue he didn't go throught the physical stuff that goes along with m/c he is going through the emotional part along with you, i did push my dh away a little after words but he finally opened my eyes by saying that I am not the only one that is hurting,take it day by day and lean on your bf that is why is in your life.

 

[Rumpskin]

Oh darling

You have a wonderful man that appears to worship you as well as support you, he desperately wants a child with you although you both suffered a loss.

You may be a little depressed what with everything that has happened.

Please go to the doctor and get yourself checked out. You may end up feeling so much better in time for your holiday and that proposal.

Sending you a huge hug and good luck xx

 

[Angel~Destiny]

I'm so sorry sweetie, sending you a huge cyber hug

Take care

X

 

[carmen]

Well i know with me having just dealt with a missed miscarriage there is alot of emotions and hormones flying.

But you just said you love him more than the world.

So i would go on your vacation, enjoy it and just remember that you get engaged to be married, not married directly.

So you have time to plan things, give yourself a chance to get back to normal. But try no let hormones do the talking

 

[nkbapbt]

sweetheart, what you feel about losing the baby, it's probable that your OH feels exactly the same....if not very similar. Maybe focusing in on what he wants is his way of holding things together and proposing now is his way of showing that.

If you're not ready to make the commitment, be honest with him. Or, if you know you want to marry him but just not yet, make it a long engagement.

Thinking of you xx

Its not at all a commitment issue. I love him, I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I just feel like "why would he want to marry me?" right now, because Im so emotional and all over the place. I have wanted to marry this man since we were 17, Ive waited a long time for this. Even through a time he wasnt ready and was being an arse about it! lol.

It just all comes down to what happened, and the time to get over it. I know we can be engaged for a while before getting married, which is good. That gives me time to pull myself together.

But also we both want to be married before we have kids. And yet dont want to wait to start trying!

Oh why is life so confusing sometimes?

I think Im just going to go away, have fun, get a sore liver , and see what happens. When I get back Im going to go talk to someone with my BH, he already said he would go.

I also know how lucky I am to have such a wonderful BH. And like me he is hurting and healing.

Thanks for all the replies and support!

 

[funkym]

I'm sorry to hear your feeling like this. Your so lucky to have such a wonderful partner. Hope you feel better soon. Sending you big xxx

 

[nikkybaby]

I just wanted to give you some

 

[nkbapbt]

funkym & nikkybaby thank you. Its nice to know youre not alone in this. And nikkybaby I love your tattoo! You're belly is soo cute!! =) congrats!

 

[Omi]

Im soooo sorry for what you're going through and i know exactly how you feel. I had a scan last friday and found out my baby died two weeks ago and im now scheduled in for a d&c this friday...

My lovely OH was gonna propose on Valentines day but said something made him feel it was not right.. not about us, we're gonna be together til end but he had a weird feeling and said he didnt wanna do it that way.. in retrospect it was the right thing to do considering what happened the day after- maybe it was intuition, i dont know.. in any case he has wowed it will happen sooner than later.. i have bday coming up the 7th of march... I have no idea when he'll do it.. point is.. im actually looking forward to it now more than ever as it'll give something else to focus on as before it was baby, baby, baby and like you i fancy being married or at least engaged before i have baby- who would have thought i would turn out so conventional in my old age

Anyway, enough about me..i guess what im trying to say is its only natural for you to feel all over the place, i know i do.. im up and down like a seesaw! allthough you feel a bit rotten at the moment try to focus on the positive..i now sounds silly if you feel like me , w/ a big black cloud hanging over you sometimes, but still.. you're not going throught this alone- speak to eachother, after all what you're feeling is normal!!!

Go on the holiday, get away from things and enjoy being with the one you love and who obviously loves you back and take one day at a time!

im sorry this post was so long but i really feel for you and just wanted to share my thoughts- hang in there!!

 

[nkbapbt]

Omi thank you. Your post really made me feel so much better, so much well more sane! Im glad to know Im not going well crazy! hehe. We leave tomorrow!

I cannot believe my luck though..and my BH's silly "hiding" place! I went to grab change from his wallet yesterday for laundry, which I do allot and he knows it! And found the ring and well no change! I tried to not look at it, but I saw it. Its so nice. Its perfect!

I cant believe it really.

Im so excited to go now. And no I didnt try the ring on. LOL! I was tempted, and I didnt tell him either. I dont think it matters I saw it does it?! I hope not. What was he thinking?!

Anyways, enough of that silliness.

Thank you for your support. And your post.

But also Im so sorry you are going through this as well. Its so rough, I wish it never had to happen to anyone. And I wish I had something to say for both of us to just feel a bit better about it happening, but I dont.

I do know like you said..it will get better. It has too!

I keep having bad and good days, yesterday was especially bad..I was watching "Friends" and overheard from the kitchen a baby crying on the show, and I started crying into the freezer. Thank gosh I had the sense to not lay my head down in there..and get stuck! I guess I just have to keep my sense of humour about life, and keep reminding myself it will get better.

I have a horrible habit of running away from everything that scares and hurts me, and sometimes I let that fear of those things take over. I think part of that has played into this situation as well.

I need to be strong and speak up, and keep us together.

And not ruin something I have waited ten years to get too!

I hope everything gets better for you Omi, and even though Im going away...I will be checking my email. Please feel free to pm me if you need to talk, I know how hard it can be. And I know sometimes you just need to rant, or cry with someone who has been through it. Im here for you!

 

[Omi]

Hey you,

Im glad my post helped in some (minor ) way...

I had my d&c on friday and feel sooo much better. Well, that is to say I feel better both emotionally and physically, i really do.

However, i suspect altho im not crying and (luckily) not dwelling on the mc i may not be a 100% as I feel soooooo tired all the time!!!

Im embarassed to say i have not cleaned the house in a week (since this started) I've filled the sink w/soap and water twice and then not done the dishes... we are now running out of clean everything!! .. my cats keep on shooting me looks of disgust and alarm as all i do is lounge, shuffle from livingroom, bathroom to kitchen and back. I have not had a decent meal in a week. That is, i quite like veggies- i know- but as no big shop its been takeaways as its easier but i eat like 2 a year and now its been like all week!! I have no probs w/OH as he's done everything he can when he can but its been a busy week for him workwise so he picks up the peices as he goes along... going to shop and picking me up stuff when he can like cat food so i dont get eaten by the cats, lol!

I look a mess... havent washed my hair in days... im still wearing pj's and a dressing gown and you can bet your behind im calling work to tell them i aint coming back this week... i just have no energy. I hope it picks us this week otherwise i'll turn into a baglady minus the bags... anyway, hope you enjoy your holiday hun, take care, hugs and kisses!!!