I'm getting upset now

[divadexie]

I know all preemie babies will be different, and you cannot look at one and expect things to go the same way.

BUT I am going absolutely mad I nearly burst out crying in the unit today because I STILL have not had a cuddle!

I have had at LEAST 3 nurses say they think Anna is stable enough to come out for a wee cuddle because she has been off the ventilator for well I think its about 2 weeks (I do know my brain just cant work out what blimmin day of the week it is let alone how long ago something was! Lol) And she was at the time weighing almost 1lb 9oz.

I was meant to get her out for a cuddle last weekend but we did think she looked a bit pale and it turned out her haemaglobin was realy low again so she needed a transfusion, and that meant no cuddles. But I was told if she was stable, then next time I am up.

Great, I thought, so I was up with MIL on wed but didn't want to get Anna out with OH not there, not fair for him I don't think. Again the nurse said at the weekend.

Well I decided to go on my own on the friday and spend time going down to do feeds and nappies (OH cant stay too long in the unit he has arcticaria (lol sp?) and gets itchy eyes and runny nose after a while )
Had really nice nurses and yesterday the nurse put Annas wee booties on for daddy coming and said we'd make a plan to get her out for a cuddle as she was on again today aswell.


Then we had (useless with names) a kinda irish sounding nurse today and she said Anna was still too small for cuddles because she hasn't got the temperature control going yet and gets cold quickly. She kept going on about ''Iv got 11 years experience'' and ''if she was my baby'' I wouldn't want to get her out until she was a bit bigger. And said we should wait until she weighs about 2lb 2oz (she did say in grams but I cant remember Im useless with maths too!). She only weighs 1lb 10.5oz just now thats going to be aaaages!

Which was fair enough I don't want her getting cold but I had already been told it would be a short cuddle so she didn't get too cold.


But I just felt really upset about the whole situation I didn't even get a look at Anna when she was delivered and now its going to be at least another week or so until I might get cuddles!


Anyway Im going to stop ranting away now just wanted to get it off my chest!

On a good note she did say that after 2lb 2oz if she has not been needing any oxygen (she has needed a teeny bit occasionally just now) then they can start cycling off the cpap!!

 

[Fiestagal]

Didn't want to read and run, hope you get your cuddles with Anna, very soon xxx

 

[sherryberry79]

I know how you feel, and I think it's only natural to be feeling low, a cuddle would give you a boost, hopefully you will get one very soon. My daughter was born on Aug 3rd, and we didn't get to hold her until Sept 5th, and even then, I only got to hold her on that first occasion as she had to go back into her incubator before long. It IS like torture, but I guess you have to trust that the nurses know what is best for her, and as soon as it's safe to bring her out you will get that precious cuddle. Really feel for you hun, but you will get there, and when you do just think how much you will appreciate that cuddle........and I often think back to the days of not being able to cuddle Millie at all / only being able to bring her out for cuddles when I was 'allowed' and I apreciate every cuddle I have with her now. So in a way, it will make you appreciate what you've got that little bit more in the long run.....if that makes any sense! x

 

[katy1310]

I feel so bad for you The cuddles will probably come when you least expect it. We do find that all the nurses in there are different and some let you do things that others don't. I felt really down when we first moved to Braids because the nurse that first day didn't even let me do Sophie's nappy and then started teaching me from scratch how to do a nappy and a feed and I had been doing them for about 6 weeks!

Cuddles in ICU are so few and far between and so precious and I know how upsetting it is when someone has promised you a cuddle and it doesn't happen It's especially bad that it's still your first cuddle that you are waiting for.

It's such a hard situation, and awful if you are offered cuddles on a day when OH is not there, especially if it's the first cuddle - you don't want to turn it down in case it's a long time till it's offered again but you don't want him to miss such a huge thing. I know when I had cuddles for the first time and DH had to wait for them another time I felt really bad for him. It's just such an unnatural situation to be in and under normal circumstances we wouldn't have had to wait 24 hours to see our babies and we'd be able to pick them up and cuddle them whenever we wanted.

What did today's nurse look like? Denise is Irish (pregnant, dark hair), as is Mary (grey hair, very scary and strict!) and Ellie (quite...erm....big...really friendly - not sure if she just works in Braids) and I think Carol, blond hair, a bit scary!

We are feeling a bit frustrated with Sophie's CPAP - she can manage so well without it, and she starts pulling it off when they put her back on, but some nurses just don't take her off it! She can do 10 hours with no problems but some nurses don't take her off at all and it's so frustrating.

Hang in there - you will get your cuddles and I hope it's sooner rather than later. Anna is doing so well, putting on weight and getting stronger all the time. And when she hits 3lb you will start to notice a huge difference and she will just start growing so fast! Sophie has been putting on 3oz every 3 days for the last few weeks.

Hopefully you might get Jane soon, she let us have our first cuddles and I totally wasn't expecting it! They let you put the baby inside your top and wrap loads of blankets round so they don't get cold. I had skin to skin with Sophie for our first cuddle - I was wearing a zip up hooded top and Jane said to take off the t shirt I was wearing under it and she put Sophie against me then put a thick blanket over her then zipped my top over her and she was really toasty!

I think you are coping so well, especially with that massive journey you have, and it's completely normal to get times when you feel really down. I had a day when Sophie was about 5 weeks old where I went into the unit and burst into tears on the nurse, having cried all the way up!

xxxxx

 

[divadexie]

Thankyou for the replies

It was Denise Lol how could I forget the big bump! lol!!!

I wish all the nirses would just follow the same ''rule'' and not have soo many different ways!

It even bugs me a little bit (stupid I know) that I have been doing so many feeds yet some of them act like I never have and put the syringe on the tube and remind me to do it slowly.
I forget who I had when I did my first nappy (ok so it wasnt my first ever so I kinda knew what I was doing Lol) but she pretty much just left me to it and was at the computer! That was great because it felt like I was doing something other than sitting there and doing a few feeds.

I do quite like Denise (she just isnt one of my faves! lol) she is really friendly I was just a bit P'd that someone says something then the next ones another way! She even said, you might get a nurse who lets you have cuddles later this week (it was just her personal choice not to).
We had Alison yesterday and she was great! And today came over especially to ask how our night at our friends was
Wish I could write a list of my faves and tell them I only want them nurses on when I am in hahahaha

In my head I am imagining not getting cuddles for another 2 weeks, well then if they come sooner- great! If not, well I was expecting it! Lol.

 

[Laura2919]

I found all nurses had a different view to different things.. One even tried to go over the consultants head and told me she would be asking the head consultant why the twins were being released after 4 weeks when they should still be there lol. I complained needless to say!

Anyway, why dont you have a word with a nurse whos judgement you trust.. I think she is a bit small still but im no doctor or nurse. I held Chloe after about 8 days and she had already lost some weight but she never went below 3lb7oz.

I hope you get cuddles real soon xx

 

[25weeker]

I hope you get to have cuddles soon. I held Holly after 7 days as the Nicu I was first in were big believers in the benefit of skin care for the baby and the consultants would check with nurses in the ward round it had been done. She was put under my top with a blanket over her as well. If they had waited until she was a kilo it would have been 7 weeks.

Holly was 33 weeks gestation when we got to ERI and although they are brilliant I noticed an inconsistency with the nurses and the policies. After a few days there I asked when Holly could have clothes on as she wore them in the other Nicu and the nurse said not until she was 4lb. I was devastated because I had loved it when she was wearing clothes as it made her feel less like a sick baby and she was a good bit away from 4lb. The next week a different nurse put clothes on her as she said she was stable enough for them. I was also told different things about when grandparents could hold them which meant my mil didn't hold her until about 2 weeks before discharge when it could have been sooner.

When you have a different nurse ask them. I really hope you get to hold her soon because although it's really scary it is amazing.

My thoughts are with you x

 

[AP]

After reading Katys reply - if you see Jane nearby - go ask her.She let us do Alexs first cuddles too. She is very knowledgeable and still does Alexs check ups when we come in.

 

[keldac]

oh hunni I know this feelign so well - its horrible having to rely on others when its your baby.
With Shauna I held her when she was a week old and 1lb 5oz (ish) and she was still on a ventilator!
With Mikayla I had to wait til she was off the vent even though she was 4lbs!!
I really hope you get your cuddles soon xxxx (and we want piccies!!!)

 

[divadexie]

As long as I dont have denise next time me and OH are up, Im going to ask for a cuddle and if they say no I am going to cry and say that I was promised 2 weeks ago (because it will be by then) and make them feel bad, otherwise I am just going to start feeling worse.

She doesnt have any infections or anything, all she is hooked up to is the cpap and her temperature/monitoring probes. Her breathing has been so stable and she has been off the ventilator for 2 weeks now.

Obviously I dont want to do anything that is going to make her ill or too cold, but surely if 3 have said they feel she is ready for a quick cuddle then the one that said no might be over reacting a bit? Its not as if Im going to have her out for hours, even if its just 5 mins it will be fantastic to hold her.

 

[keldac]

As long as I dont have denise next time me and OH are up, Im going to ask for a cuddle and if they say no I am going to cry and say that I was promised 2 weeks ago (because it will be by then) and make them feel bad, otherwise I am just going to start feeling worse.

She doesnt have any infections or anything, all she is hooked up to is the cpap and her temperature/monitoring probes. Her breathing has been so stable and she has been off the ventilator for 2 weeks now.

Obviously I dont want to do anything that is going to make her ill or too cold, but surely if 3 have said they feel she is ready for a quick cuddle then the one that said no might be over reacting a bit? Its not as if Im going to have her out for hours, even if its just 5 mins it will be fantastic to hold her.

you know I would do the same. A cuddle off mum is always the best thing for any stable baby xxxx

 

[Bec L]

Aww you poor thing, I know how hard it must be having to wait for so long. We were lucky that we got to cuddle Poppy quite a lot, but saying that there would be a certain nurse who'd be on duty and I would always ask before getting Poppy out and more often than not this particular nurse would say no, and it was so upsetting.

 

[zolwis]

I can't believe you are going through this. I think you were due one or two days before me (i'm 31st July). You are so brave, I can't imagine how painful this is for you and I pray that you get your cuddle soon! Hang in there xxx