I'm miserable in my situation, not coping.PLEASE READ.

[mummygiraffe]

Ok here is my situation.......

DH and I bought a house-completion date is first week in November!

We had to vacate our old house 2 weeks ago today....

DH dropped me off at my Dad's house with our 3 yr old, and then had to leave immediately to go back and sort out a few things/cleaners at old house.

For this 8 week gap I with my DD are living with my Dad,

DH is living 1.5 hours away at his parents (he's had to stay down that area for work). His parents don't have much room, DH is on sofa and living out of bags so me and DD couldn't go with him.

Problem is my Dad is horrible to live with, he is retired so I don't ever get away from him. I don't have a car to get out in as DH has our only car with him.

My Dad is a bully, he puts me down for everything I do, he argues with me about things i say even when i AGREE with him-I just haven't worded it teh way HE wants me too.

He tells me DD is the worst behaved 3 yr old and called her a stubborn bitch teh other day. My DD is actually very good compared to some of the kids I've seen out/pre-school etc.

It's a bit like when i was a teen(a good one that did all my homework/never talked back) and when i was slightly moody or hormonal he would tell me i was abnormal and teh hormonal reasons were bullshit and no child was like me and now he's doing it with my DD.

he gets stressed with her and his tome towards her is horrrible.

I have minimal toys with me, but I'm scared to get them out much as my dad is obsessed with any mess.

He goes on and on at me about everything.

I'm so down about life, I said to DH i couldnt be a good Mum right now and putting DH infront of TV(we don't have one at home so she likes it ALOT, my dad has a TV in every room so hard to get her away from asking for it).

I said I didnt feel like I wanted to be a Mum anymore and all DH said was 'OH brilliant and soon you'll have 2'

I do obvioulsy but I'm so miserable I'm doing such a bad job at the moment. I can't stand up to my Dad because I need to live under his roof til November so I have to bite my tongue. In teh past he's thrown me out because he didnt like me standing up to him.

Its tricky he's lived on his own for 10 years (no one can live me him thats why). he's got weird ways and he is a horrible bully who I hate to live with. At this stage in pregnancy being all on my own here with no break because he's here all the time and no friends here and no support from DH I'm worried about my mental health.

Thanks for reading-I'm going insane literally here.

 

[cdj1]

Oh honey I read this and really felt for you. Your dad sounds a nightmare! Do you mind if I ask why your dad is living alone? What I guess I am meaning without sounding disrespectful is that has anyone else found him hard to live with?
Would it be possible at all to have a word with your dad - or is he too unreasonable, or maybe someone else could talk with him? You really dont need any extra stress right now, you're obviously doing the best you can do for DD in the circumstances.

Your dad sounds a bit like my dad used to be before he mellowed out - he used to call me names like dumb blonde etc, but really he was jealous of me that was all. We get on OK now as I say he has mellowed out but before this he really could be nasty and my mum was too weak to stop him being that way.

Is there somewhere for you to get outta the house - a mothers group or a park or library? Anywhere to get a bit of peace?

Sending you hugs xxx

 

[MaybeMomSarah]

Are there other friends/family members that you would be able to stay with?

 

[baajee]

Is staying with your mum an option ? Maybe nanna or aunts or cousins ? You don't want to be stressed out at a time like this.

 

[mummygiraffe]

He lives alone because my Mum left him 10 years ago-same reasons-a bully who puts you down for everything!
I can't talk to him.
My Dad truly believes that everything he thinks/does is 100% correct and no-one can tell him different. For instance he eats 1 meal a day(often just a sandwich) he thinks I eat too much because we eat 3 times a day. Even his friends have mentioned it, he's like 'whatever'.
Like I said he will have a go at me for things I say even if it's in agreement with him just because I don't word it exactly the way he expects.
Always been the same since I was a kid, like he'd tell me I was doing my Maths homework wrong even though the answers matched the ones at the back, did teh workings out the way I'd been taught but was wrong in his eyes-seriously laid into me.
He once tried to strangle me because when I was getting told off once(for being just a normal teenager-didnt do anything really bad I was just moody and wanted to be in my room alot) and I didnt have anything to say. That was the month my Mum left -pushed her over the edge as she was already on high anti-depressants.
He won't take it well if I or anyone speaks to him and my life will become even more hellish.

I too(with DH) had been led to believe my Dad has become mellowed in the last few years, and he has sort of but then I only see him for 2 hours every 3 months or so and talk for about 30 mins a month on the phone. Living back with him realising he hasn't changed at all, infact maybe he's worse because he's so used to having just himself to live with.

I went to a toddler group yesterday for 2 hours-but it's only on once a week and without a car i'm quite stuck, I can get teh bus occassionally but I have zero income so going places is difficult, especially as I have SPD and a 3yr old in tow.

No friends or family to stay with. My Mum has her own life with a new bloke now and I have a brother who isn't understanding. And because I havent lived in this area for 8 years now i dont have any friends.

I literally have no where else to go and I have no choice but to stay at his house and I have to be careful so I dont make the next 6 weeks worse.

God I wannna cry

 

[anna matronic]

Hun, horrible stressful situation Sorry I can't add anymore but I do hope the next few week get better and are as unstressful as possible.

Have you spoken to your dad about his attitude? Obviously he is helping you out but that doesn;t mean he can act like a total arsehole. Maybe sit down just the two of you over dinner and thrash it out? x x

 

[mummygiraffe]

My Dad himself is like a teenager in a sense you can't have a conversation with him, he is unreasonable. Plus the fact he doesnt eat dinner!

When my my mum left when I was 15 i remember thinking 'oh crap i'm stuck with a man i've never talked to'

 

[amandaawesome]

awww i feel so terrible for you. if only we lived closer you could come and stay with me. yes a stranger from the internet. we could stay up late and cookies and talk about people. i feel really bad for you and it is like we can feel your pain. you sound so sad. same advice everyone keeps getting about getting fed up going over due. it will NOT be forever. it is a temporary thing for sure. each day that goes by is another day that is behind you and you are THAT much closer to your new house and new life with a new baby. it's gonna be okay. one day at a time. sometimes i think we are put through things like this to make sure we don't lose touch with our lives and what we have. not meaning material possessions. it makes you appreciate who you are more. i think it's gonna be ok. just steer clear of your dad and keep your head down. not much longer!!!!! xoxo

 

[anna matronic]

My Dad himself is like a teenager in a sense you can't have a conversation with him, he is unreasonable. Plus the fact he doesnt eat dinner!

When my my mum left when I was 15 i remember thinking 'oh crap i'm stuck with a man i've never talked to'

Is there a cupboard (maybe under the stairs) you could tie him up and put a sock in his mouth and bring him a sandwich once a day. Then once you leave you could let him out

 

[mummygiraffe]

Ha ha if only i could get away with that!

 

[kaylz]

He sounds bloody awful. It must take you right back to childhood.

I don't think there's much you can do apart from grin and bear it, indulge in plenty of positive self-talk (if he's going on at you, just repeat in your head over and over that you are not a child anymore and you know that everything he is saying is a load of crap) and make sure you put right anything he says to your child that you don't agree with later on, when he's not around.

Another option is to ask the Council to carry out a homelessness assessment to see if you qualify for a B&B or something.....

 

[mummygiraffe]

I'm just going to have to grin and bear it as I will completely ostricise(spelling?) him from myself and he won't be nice about it.

He's just so fricking evil sometimes.

I actually wish I could be really ill and have to go into hoipsital for the duration but then I need to be around for DD.

Be alot better if A.had a car. B. had money and could get out more!

It's bringng back alot of memories and I'm like oh yeah I remember how it was now, I've been away so long and tought he had canged, how wrong I was.

It's the reason I wasted tousands going away to uni, he tried to force me to live at ome and commute but I knew I'd never survive.

I tried commiting suicide 3 times as a teenager and ad eating disorders for 3 years and I often look back and wonder as I dont consider myself to be a depressive/suicidal person.

Now I'm beginning to realise why i was like that.

 

[fairypop]

I think you need to get out. Does your OH not understand. It would be better to spend some time with him in a tent rather than live with someone like your dad. It sounds like your mental health is going to suffer, and you don't want to be having to cope with all this stress at this time.

What a bully he sounds like....

 

[mummygiraffe]

My DH just says we haven't got a coice, we needed the gap between houses to save up for te initial interest mortgage payment which is huge(i dont really understand why) and then the 2nd payment is about 2 weeks after so we couldnt afford it otherwise.

Of course he doesnt get it when he has never experienced living with a bully.

Does make me realise why I instantly became so dependant on DH when we first met though and how happy and easy my life normally is.

God my poor Mum, se lived it for 17years, although it wasn't to bad apparently until the last 9 years she spent with him because he hated his job which they only relocated because of me (the foster kid next door to our house when i was 4 yrs old raped and sexually abused me and social services said they couldnt do anything and my mum got very ill with him living next door and making comments to me over the fence(my mum was ill, and no-one thought to go to the police) uh thanks mum and dad.

Getting angry now! Why did i get such a shit deal with the parentals God???

 

[fairypop]

OMG! Your life story sounds horrible. I am glad you have OH and your LO's. I bet you are a great mummy

I think I would get a taxi to OH's and say you're not going back!

 

[mummygiraffe]

I just have to try and laugh, My BF told me I could write a book when I was 15, 12 years later and I think I could write a whole series!

Yes its been s**t but i'd forgotten all that crap until now as LO and DH make me so happy!

I just can't believe how 1 person can do so much damage to anothers well being.....it's weird!

 

[mummygiraffe]

In 8 weeks time i will never have to re-live it again. Visits will defo be minimal, they were only ever a day or 2 before once a year.

I cannot physically wait!

Just hope I make it to that point and my personality and who I have become isn't altered so greatly that it causes problems for our marriage. Already showing cracks as we are argung and we having even raised our voices in 7 years! DH really could be a bit more supportive though...i mean i get it he's struggling, he obv feels bad and is worried but knows there isnt alot he can do so he just bites back at me