I'm not sure what to do....

[Katumz]

Well I am around 12 weeks I would say and I still don't know if I want to keep it or not. I'm not talking about abortion but adoption. My mom really wants me to keep it ( she had my brother when she was 17/18)but my bf wants me to give it away. As for me I'm on the fence. Before I got pregnant me and my bf said we would give it away but now that it has actually happen I can't help but feel a conflicting thoughts. I'm so confused right now........ I know that giving it away would make some family really happy but I might feel like I lost something and keeping it would cause me financial problems and take so much time........I know in the end its my decision but I can't help posting it up here to get a few opinions

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

First, let me start off by saying congratulations.
Second, you really need to think long and hard about whether adoption is what you want or what your boyfriend wants. I know sometimes it feels like it's one in the same, but in reality it's not. He'll probably flip flop your whole pregnancy about what he wants, and you're still fairly early along, so it could be a lot of shock.
Since your mom was a teen mother, have you tried talking to her about it? Asking her about the pros/cons?

I really don't have a lot of good advice on this, sorry. But remember that no matter what you decide to do, you're doing the right thing.

Good luck xxx

 

[xxxjacxxx]

Ohhhhh hun
Please think long and hard about what decision YOU want to make. Please DO NOT do anything just to keep somebody else happy...it has to be what YOU want...or you will seriously regret it later in life.
Just because you would be a teen mummy it doesnt mean you wont be a good loving mummy. The teen pregnancy section on here is a haven for pregnant mummies and mummies and I have seriously never met such a lovely bunch of younger mums.
Sounds like your mum would give you all the support you need if you decided to keep the baby, so that would be a bonus. But at the end of the day, its your decision, I just know I couldn't grow that baby, feel it kick, give birth to it then give it away...............
Sorry, dont want to sway you in anyway on your decision but just trying to say your age does not matter!
Please pop over to the teen section and speak to some of the mums over there, they are a pillar of strength and i'm sure will offer you friendly advice and support whatever you decide.

Good Luck

 

[futuremommy91]

Completely agree with Croc-O-Dile. Def talk to your mum about it and see what her experiences were. Would she be helping you out childcare wise or financially? What about the fob? Luckily you have some time to think about this.

But remember, this is and always will be your decision. People may try to make you do one thing or another, but stay strong and do what you truly believe will be best for bubs.

 

[jenniferannex]

Hiya hun, congratulations firstly!
i know this must be hard for you but like others have said, talk to your mum about it, she would always be there to help. and its your decision no one elses. so dont let your boyfriend sway you to giving it up if you dont want to. this baby will be a big part of your life and although adoption is a lovely thing to do, it will be so hard to give that baby up when it arrives, and like jac said, when it grows inside you, kicks etc, its a part of you.
please think about this and defaintly talk to your mum, see what help she could offer and the FOB.
good luck hun and i hope it all works out for the best xxx

 

[bsilla]

well beautiful congratulations, i was adopted, by family but adopted non the less. i met my mother at 12, and i was angry for a long time but i now am very in love with her. 13 monthes after i was born she had mi sister, and couldnt give her up, she says if she had it to do over she would have kept me... you never know what you will do until your in that position. but think hard about you and how you will feel, not him ya its ok to consider him but in the end of the day you have to deal with you forever he can always leave.... do you think you could live with knowing you gave up your baby, no matter the reason you have to deal with you own mind.... good luck

 

[aob1013]

I urge you to think so very long and hard about this decision. I strongly believe that with the right help and support you will be able to raise your child in a loving, caring enviornment.
Adoption is a great thing, but this is your baby and i think once it has sunk in a bit more and you know what help is available to you, then you will feel more strongly about having him/her x

 

[crystal_smith]

adoption is not an option because you won't be able to stop feeling guilty and you don't want that your whole life. if you give your baby away, there will come a time in your life where in you want to know your child that you gave away and there will be a great chance that your child won't like to know you. So, that being said, just keep the baby, just like how your mom kept you. hope this helps

 

[futuremommy91]

adoption is not an option because you won't be able to stop feeling guilty and you don't want that your whole life. if you give your baby away, there will come a time in your life where in you want to know your child that you gave away and there will be a great chance that your child won't like to know you. So, that being said, just keep the baby, just like how your mom kept you. hope this helps

I disagree pretty strongly- I'm close friends with a girl who had to give her baby up and although it was unbelievably difficult she still is confident to this day that she did the right thing for her daughter.

 

[aob1013]

adoption is not an option because you won't be able to stop feeling guilty and you don't want that your whole life. if you give your baby away, there will come a time in your life where in you want to know your child that you gave away and there will be a great chance that your child won't like to know you. So, that being said, just keep the baby, just like how your mom kept you. hope this helps

I disagree pretty strongly- I'm close friends with a girl who had to give her baby up and although it was unbelievably difficult she still is confident to this day that she did the right thing for her daughter.

adoption is not an option because you won't be able to stop feeling guilty and you don't want that your whole life. if you give your baby away, there will come a time in your life where in you want to know your child that you gave away and there will be a great chance that your child won't like to know you. So, that being said, just keep the baby, just like how your mom kept you. hope this helps

It really is not that black and white.

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

adoption is not an option because you won't be able to stop feeling guilty and you don't want that your whole life. if you give your baby away, there will come a time in your life where in you want to know your child that you gave away and there will be a great chance that your child won't like to know you. So, that being said, just keep the baby, just like how your mom kept you. hope this helps

I have to say, I disagree as well. A good friend of mine is adopted and she met her birth mother this past summer. Her mother is from South Korea and she was a prostitute (not really by choice). She had to hide out her entire pregnancy because people where after her and then she had to sneak contact with another woman who took my friend and brought her to the US and had her adopted to a wonderful family who couldn't have children.
Her mother never regretted the decision she made, because she knows she would have either ended up dead or on the streets just like her mom.
Can you honestly tell me that my friend was better off being raised by her birth mother?

 

[rainbows_x]

Oh hunni Firstly congratulations.
This must be really difficult right now, you have two differnt views from two people you love, but ultimatley only YOU can make this decision. If you feel that you would be able to cope with going to the scans, seeing your baby, feeling it kick, the strain it will put on you physically and emotionally & then having to give birth and give you child away to a loving family then you truly are an amazing person.
If you cannot do this and you want to keep the baby I am sure your mum will help you, it is your decision, please do not rush into one without thinking everything through, anyone can be a mum if they put their mind to it hun, I wish you the best x

 

[Katumz]

Thanks for all your input. As far as fob he is an amazing person but he just feels that we are too young and we don't have enough money to raise a child. My mom says she has loved every moment with us and wouldn't trade us for the world. I know mh whole family would help but I'm not sure I'm ready. I know if I did decide to keep it Trevor (fob) wouldn't be happy but he would eventually come around. I have a lot of hard thinking to do but like you guys said I have plenty of time to do it lol. Um loving this website more ANC more every time I log in .

 

[Katumz]

Sorry for the typos I'm using an iPod touch and I'm not to good at it lol

 

[futuremommy91]

Thinking of you and would love to hear from you if you have anymore questions, rants etc. The girls on here are amazing

 

[Katumz]

They sure are. And Im sure I will be posting on here maaaany more times believe me lol

 

[kirste1]

do what you truly want to go with, no-one can force you into doing something you dont want to do. good luck. X

 

[kodi]

Think very long and very hard about this, like all the other girlies have said, its your choice not your OHs, you cant do such a major life changing thing based on another persons wants or views. Remember you will have support and i think 90% of us on here haven't planned these pregnancies or are old enough as such but so many girls cope so well every day when they probably thought they couldnt.

big hugs, keep us updated xx

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

i pretty much agree with what the others said, do what you feel is right for you, but if you can cope with pregnancy chances are, you can cope with being a mamma..
if you're really unsure, you could try fostering? that way it's not permanant, and you could have your baby back when you wanted.. but adoption is long term, and it's a noble thing, but it's also a hard thing to live with..
pretty much everyone i know, who's done it has always wondered what their baby would be like now? when did they say their first words.. just think carefully.
xxxx

 

[~RedLily~]

adoption is not an option because you won't be able to stop feeling guilty and you don't want that your whole life. if you give your baby away, there will come a time in your life where in you want to know your child that you gave away and there will be a great chance that your child won't like to know you. So, that being said, just keep the baby, just like how your mom kept you. hope this helps

i have to disagree as well. adoption is a wonderful thing and i think people who do decide to give their child up for adoption are truly incredible, yes its hard but you wouldnt feel guilt because you know the baby has gone to a loving family. that being said if you decide to keep the baby you will make a great mum and it sounds like you will have a lot of support. sorry i havent really helped but just wanted you to know that there really isnt a wrong choice imo. just do what feels right for YOU.