I'm pregnant, not disabled.

[Ambermichelle]

So I'm 27 weeks pregnant and a single mom (well, gearing up to be). My ex left me when I was 5 weeks and has said he doesn't want to be involved with my daughter or me. Cool, I haven't talked to him since and don't plan to unless he decides to have a relationship with his daughter. I'm doing wonderful without him and have progressed so much in my life!


Anyways, I've had an AWESOME pregnancy. No morning sickness, no food aversions, no soreness, nothing. I've had a little fatigue here and there, but that's really the extent of anything. I'm just SO annoyed because people are treating me like I'm disabled and can't do things. I can still cook, clean, shop, and do everything I could before I got pregnant. And don't get me wrong, I appreciate everyone around me being so thoughtful of me, but when they start INSULTING ME is when I get angry. Example:


Unfortunately, I don't have a job right now. But, I'm doing what I can to get one. I know it's hard to do when you're pregnant, especially this far along, but it never hurts to try. I had an interview yesterday for a great position and was really excited about it! It's really close to home, so I figured I would leave a little early and walk to the interview. I've been trying to exercise as much as I can and I thought this would be a great opportunity to clear my head before the interview and get some exercise. Well, my dad decides to tell me that I shouldn't be walking that far (MAYBE 2 miles at the longest) and that he doesn't know why I'm even going to the interview because I'm not going to get the job anyways. Wow, thanks pops. So I go to my moms house a little bit before and her AND her roommate tell me that I shouldn't be doing that job anyways because it would require me to lift up to 20 pounds from time to time. Uh? Like I said, I've had an amazing pregnancy and have been doing everything I was doing before, including lifting 20 pound items here and there. And my baby is fine. I told my moms roommate this and she tells me that I need to talk to my doctor because that "doesn't sound right." Wtf!? I'm pregnant, not disabled! My body will tell me if I shouldn't be doing something.


Ugh. I just feel like since I don't have a man in my life, people are treating me like a glass case. They look at me like I'm not strong anymore and that I need all this sympathy. I'm just as strong as I ever was! No man defines if I'm going to be strong or weak. I'm doing what I can for my baby. And yah, I probably won't get the job. But at least I tried for my daughter. I would have walked 10 miles to have a chance at bettering our life.


Sorry for the long rant. Just a little irritated I guess.

 

[BigAl]

To be fair I think this is all pregnant women, regardless of having a man around or not.

My mum gets at me for lifting my toddler, climbing ladders and all sorts. Drives me nuts!

Good luck for the job btw.

 

[Meljenn]

I am married and I get it at work. People following me around all day telling what I shouldn't be doing. I keep telling them that pregnancy is not a deadly illness and I am completely capable of doing my job

 

[ToughhGal]

I understand your frustration. OH wont even let me bend over to pick something up if i dropped it I think they are concerned but saying you won't get the job is just too ridiculous.

 

[tropicsgirl]

Hmmm I haven't had any of those problems! Other then some co-workers telling me to be careful not to slip when someone mopped the floor, no one really does anything for me...I mean, obviously my husband carries heavier stuff, etc but I don't really care if he does that or not.

They shouldn't discourage you from getting a job though! If you don't feel up to it later you can always quit...

 

[UnderPressure]

Lol. Everyone yells at me and bosses me and tells me what I can't do except my husband. He knows better. He knows I'm capable and he knows I'll murder him if he starts in with that nonsense too.

 

[Gregsprincess]

A girl i work with told me i shouldn't be walking down the stairs anymore and then one of my bosses said 'we know you are pregnant and will be much slower with the work now'....really?!? i work as an auditor how can it get any slower!!

 

[PumpkinBump]

Some man at my work asked me if i was supposed to be driving. Uh.... what? How else can i get back and forth to work? I have nobody to drive me. Ass

We are capable of working, driving, lifting up to 20 pounds (unless told otherwise). I wish people would just trust us, we know what we are doing!

 

[Nikko88]

I tolerate my husband being overly cautious about me helping to move really heavy items. However, he knows better than to try to tell me too much what I can and can't do.

Capability really depends on the person pregnant or not. People just get so nervous around pregnant women.

 

[firefly15]

I hear you! DH, DS and I went out for the day on Sunday, to a national trust house with huge gardens for DS to run around. When we arrived the woman at the gate took great pains to emphasise that they have mobility buggies available should I not be able to walk!!! When I insisted I would be just fine she started going on about how it was going to be warm and I might struggle. I'm not even waddling yet thank you very much

 

[Eriamel]

I've noticed it's especially the older generations that are overly worried. My grandparents and parents, I get the impression back in the day when you were pregnant you just stayed on your couch for 9 months and didn't move...

Now of course we now better and know that moderate exercise (walking included etc..) is actually very good for blood circulation etc and overall health during pregnancy.

I am in the middle of moving house right now and my dad was freaking out about me packing boxes.. I told him I am not going to be lifting furniture over my head body builder style.. I will be putting items in cardboard boxes -_-.. that is all. Even that seemed like too much for him. I just try to ignore it.

I really do hope you find a good job!

 

[SonAmyMom]

Wow, I am often amazed by people's reactions to a woman being active when pregnant. I have had a few people comment (like my brother ... ), but not many. I am 20 weeks, and am still running and weight lifting (I have my doctor's okay, and was doing both before pregnancy). Yes, I'm slower, and lifting a lower amount than I was before - but still way more than 20 pounds! There's nothing wrong with keeping up with most exercises when pregnant.

I hate it when people think that pregnancy = invalid

 

[Rcx]

A girl i work with told me i shouldn't be walking down the stairs anymore and then one of my bosses said 'we know you are pregnant and will be much slower with the work now'....really?!? i work as an auditor how can it get any slower!!

my supervisor said that to me the other day! i was like well obviously i can't get to the photocopier and printer just as fast as before but i can work at the same speed! idiots lol!
other than that i like getting the extra help with heavy stuff etc lol.

 

[LoveCakes]

I ended up having to have a word with OH in first tri, he didn't want me doing the ironing. I didn't particularly want to myself but he was being ridiculous.

MIL mentioned something about me not reaching up to put curtains up in baby's bedroom yesterday. I take it she doesn't know I went two steps(!) up the ladder to paint the nursery and plan to build the furniture!

 

[PumpkinBump]

I ended up having to have a word with OH in first tri, he didn't want me doing the ironing. I didn't particularly want to myself but he was being ridiculous.

MIL mentioned something about me not reaching up to put curtains up in baby's bedroom yesterday. I take it she doesn't know I went two steps(!) up the ladder to paint the nursery and plan to build the furniture!

Older people will tell you not to reach up because it was once believed (and many still do believe) that by doing that you will wrap the cord around your babies neck. I had tons of people tell me this. I dont believe it of course, but when i ended up being induced 2 weeks early because of the cord around my baby's neck, of course all of the older people told me "i told you so!"

 

[Mrs Eleflump]

Ha, at work people go on at me about making sure I don't lift stuff (even stupidly light stuff), and to take it easy etc, but no-one offered me their seat during the staff meeting a couple of days ago, and they were all surprised when I had to dash for a seat at the end to stop myself fainting after standing for an hour

I got told off a few weeks ago by hubby for moving furniture (a small chest of drawers, empty). It wasn't heavy, just awkward, and I was pushing it with my bum rather than trying to lift it

My mum gave me grief for cutting the grass the other week, but we don't have a huge lawn, the lawnmower is electric, I like doing it, it's good exercise, and it takes half an hour max. She was asking why hubby wasn't doing it but it's always been my job and I have no plans to stop until I can't any more.

I'm still going up ladders to paint walls, though hopefully that'll all be done by this time next month.

The only thing I have noticed a real physical limitation on is walking - the back of my pelvis gets so sore, and my feeeet, my poor feet Saying that, I have arthritis in my feet anyway and would get sore feet with too much walking before being pregnant, so I suppose the joint loosening isn't helping that.

 

[CastawayBride]

Everyone's pregnancy is different. I would be thankful people are thinking about my welfare....I know many are battling jobs that think it is OK to not make accommodations at all!

 

[MamaLa]

First off i want to applaud your strength, and courage for handling what your ex put you through.
But wow, I think it's petty that your loved ones would have comments like that too say. They should be overly supportive during this time.

I can relate to what you are somewhat going through with the family not being very supportive. Plenty of times where I've cried to my OH because my mother or sister have made negative comments about me, or us. Like telling me I better not give the baby his last name, telling me I'm dumb for getting pregnant, or I don't want my grandchild over at his house, has done nothing but bother me, and feel alone during this pregnancy.

 

[DissySunshine]

My grandpa wouldn't even let me move a birdhouse - a birdhouse! - in his garage I was only maybe 8 weeks!

My job requires that I'm on my feet for 8 hours lifting various things. My OB said it is absolutely fine, and I am not on any restrictions. Regardless, the teenage girl I work with follows me around and refuses to let me do anything "stressful". It's funny, but also a bit annoying because I've done this job for 6 years...I think I can handle saran wrapping something.

Kudos to you for not giving in to these crazy people, though. You know what's best for you

 

[chellesama]

See, now you can tell anyone who says anything that "I know a lady who..." and fill in twice the amount of whatever you were being scolded for.

I'm lucky if I get off with just five miles worth of walking in one night at work, and every weekend I heft around the largest bags of dog food or boxes of laundry soap.

That said, the ladies may just be thinking of how tired/sore/whatever they were during their pregnancies, men have no idea if it's hard being pregnant or not but they know that TV tells them that it is and that they MUST help you out, and that ladies that haven't had babies are probably in the same boat as the fellas. And I think a lot of them must know that you do it ALL on your own; what they see and what you must do just to take care of yourself at home and they want to help you out a little. Most of them aren't trying to be rude or judge you; they just have to see the world through their own eyes and don't realize how frustrating it is when they end up in your way trying to help you when you don't need it.

As someone who has been single by choice for the past 15 years, there's always a moment of "Wait, what?" for being single, especially when you're pregnant. I've found that a little lightheartedness with my honesty works well. Things like "Men have feelings; I don't have time for that crap" or "Relationships are an awful lot of compromise for things I can get for myself when I want them." In my case, as a surrogate, I can get away with "I don't even want the responsibility that a gold fish brings; I'm pretty sure men need more than fresh water once a week. I can't do more than that." You probably aren't heading down this path yourself, but saying things like that will get people off your back for a little while. If they back off long enough, they will see that yes, you are okay (even happy, gasp! shock!) on your own. (Plus, there's a baby in there. When they try to set you up on a blind date, ask if the date will have someone for your baby to see since you are totally not going to be able to go on that date by yourself. Stops 'em cold!)

Here's to a happy, healthy pregnancy and baby!

Chelle