I'm slowly giving up.

[zowiey]

I'm losing all hope in ever getting pregnant. Today is another CD1 and without being dramatic, i really don't know how much more i can cope with. My husband STILL hasn't stopped smoking, isn't taking any of the vitamins I brought him, and just doesn't seem to care. I understand its hard for him, but my heart is breaking every time my period comes.

I need to loose weight to start the treatment, but am struggling so much. He isn't helping me, keeps buying loads of crap food, which I then eat. Whenever I bring up how I feel he gets so defensive, when we first found out we would need fertility treatment, he promised me he would do anything he possibly could to make sure I get pregnant, he hasn't done one thing. And it's him that needs to make the changes!! I feel like I'm beginning to resent him. I can't do everything by myself.

I give up, it hurts so much.

 

[RebaRezzelba]

hi

Didnt want to read and run!

Sorry your feeling so down - its hard this TTC journey. You need to sit down with your husband and start giving him some ultimatiums - tell him he needs to start with one thing this month (like going on the vitamins) then next month cutting down the ciggies, etc.... he can take it slow but he needs to help out - its not all up to you. Get some literature on how smoking can seriously affect your sperm and leave it lying about the house - he might get the hint. If none of that works then just ask him straight out does he want to have kids or not!

Good luck and I hope your husband starts helping out - so unfair for you to be left to do it all on your own!

 

[Sazaroo]

Oh sweetie,
Im sorry you feel like this. And im super sorry your OH isnt being supportive.
I dont think some men understand and they almost try not to get involved. I think some men fear that if they show even a little support we will grab onto it with both hands and become too much for them.
You do need to have a serious chat with him - he's your husband and he has to support you one way or another, thats what marriage is all about.

You will have your LO - all good things are worth the wait

xxxxx

 

[krissi]

Aww hun sorry to hear this maybe suggest doing it together say you cut back on some of the bad eating habits and he cuts back say 2 fags a day and then each month ask him to cut back again. I smoke so I know hard it is and the more someone tells me to stop the more i hang onto that fag packet, sad I know but like food, drugs etc its an addiction. Show him how great your will power is and maybe he will be inspired xx

 

[T'elle]

Oh hun!!! im so sorry your feelin low! I don't know what to saym but i feel for you hun, i know how hard it is i really do! TTC makes u depressed which does not give u the inspiration and motivation to want to try and lose the weight!! Give me a text if u need a chat babe u know im here!!! xxxxxx

 

[Greta]

Hi there, you need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart. Try to be clear and not unemotional and ask him if wants a baby. Say you feel unsupported and you need him to help. Good luck. xx

 

[zowiey]

I have spoken to him a million times, I wonder if maybe this is his way of dealing with things? Just ignore it all and hope it will go away? Im trying to be understanding, and I really do appreciate how hard it must be quitting smoking, but then it's hard for me too. Especially when I have to do everything for him!

He's normally fantastic, and really is fab in every other way. He said the other night it kills him that he has let me down ( I don't for one moment think that by having a low sperm count he has let me down!)

Maybe I'm just over thinking things? And sulking I'm not pregnant AGAIN!!

 

[slinky]

Hi,

Was just wondering has your DH had his SA done yet? My DH had low morphology on his and it really kicked him up backside - he went out and got his vits straight away, was on google trying to find out what he could do to make it better and cut down on alcohol.

Good luck and try to keep your chin up...CD1 is always the worst xx

 

[nurseh14]

I'm losing all hope in ever getting pregnant. Today is another CD1 and without being dramatic, i really don't know how much more i can cope with. My husband STILL hasn't stopped smoking, isn't taking any of the vitamins I brought him, and just doesn't seem to care. I understand its hard for him, but my heart is breaking every time my period comes.

I need to loose weight to start the treatment, but am struggling so much. He isn't helping me, keeps buying loads of crap food, which I then eat. Whenever I bring up how I feel he gets so defensive, when we first found out we would need fertility treatment, he promised me he would do anything he possibly could to make sure I get pregnant, he hasn't done one thing. And it's him that needs to make the changes!! I feel like I'm beginning to resent him. I can't do everything by myself.




I give up, it hurts so much.

I understand how you feel completely, my hubby still smokes like a chimney(I quit 2 months ago) and he eats crap, and will never touch his vits. I am resentful as well hun! I hope your DH will come around! As for mine, lol theres no hope.

 

[IzzyAnt88]

I am so sorry girl I know just how you feel..! We are just starting our journey but have 3 pretty significant issues standing in our way of TTC....!!

I posted this to someone else but I hope it can help here too..!!

I don't know if they have these in your area but my husband is 315 lbs and has only ever had success loosing weight when he goes to a fitness bootcamp ( a personal trainer gets a group together 5 mornings a week ) where they do intense interval training AND he gets enough sleep AND he eats 5 - 6 times a day. Those are both key. I read a study that they compared 2 groups.. one group did interval training for 30 minutes and the other ran for 40 minutes. I forget what the average weight lost was for the interval training but let's say 15 lbs. Meanwhile the group that ran lost NOTHING. Weight loss can be SOO hard but I feel that interval training with a group trainer + enough sleep + 6 healthy meals a day is REALLY the "secret key." Husband actually just quit his job and one big main reason for it is to dedicate his time to loosing weight once and for all (he has a 4pm-1am schedule right now and so keeping up with the class, the meals and the sleep is just impossible). But before back when he had a normal schedule he lost 15 pounds in one 6 week session plus alot of inches (because pounds is not the only thing that matters!) whereas before when going to the gym he never lost even 1 pound. The class also helps because it forces you to get up and exercise at an exact time and 5x a week because you are paying for the class. They are not too expensive he pays around $200 (U.S.) for a 6 week session. $120 when he has shorter sessions. That is like the same cost as 1-2 private classes with the trainer lol. Plus the trainer knows exactly what to do and works all your muscles and is REALLY effective.. I took one session with him before and believe me it is HARD... but it works... lol

Oh and one more thing you have to have protein after you work out.. the thing is to have a big meal in the morning after working out. They say that your biggest meal should be at breakfast, and then the rest of them smaller meals throughout the day. When my husband was loosing the most weight he would have eggs + protein shake + wheat bread with peanut butter. Then he has chicken for lunch. Usually with tomato and avocado on wheat bread. Fruit for snacks. And chicken & brown rice again for dinner. Sometimes cereal for breakfast. Sometimes ham sandwiches for snacks. But that is pretty much all he eats..! No soda, lots of water mixed with orange juice b/c neither of us can stand drinking just water plain lol.

When he dedicated himself for 6 weeks he lost 15 lbs the first time he had EVER lost any weight. When he started his new schedule and started slacking on what he ate, and started missing meals, and started not getting enough sleep, missing workouts, etc. he did not loose ANY weight and in fact gained 5 pounds back. It can be VERY frustrating. But so he is going to go back to exactly what worked before. Just an example that I hope can help someone else..!!!

Good Luck..!!!!


PS - I think it's a man thing, exactly what you said, it's their way of coping & dealing with it - just ignore it and hope it goes away.. lol not fair..

 

[ellieb31]

It's such a shame that men find it so hard to communicate!! Not all of them of course but a large percentage. My husband has so far refused to take the vitamins or give up smoking as well. And, personally, I see it as partly a defense mechanism. I've had problems with endo but my consultant says that there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to conceive now. Which basically puts a load of pressure on my DH as any problem is going to be down to him now. So keeping the ciggies means that he still has something that he can blame if it takes us a long time (we started trying in Jan 09 but have only had two cycles since my last op). He has cut down but I think it's a bit of a safety blanket and that's ok for me at the moment. If in 6 months we haven't had any success, he will have to stop and get tested and all that stuff they find so intimidating (but which women have to get over early on in life with regular smears etc). I don't think men have any clue just how tough a woman has to be to go through all of this month after month and make all of those lifestyle changes.

Anyway, FX for you and maybe try talking to him when he's had a couple of drinks? It's when I get the most honesty from my husband as the alcohol means the defences come down a bit but I find it best to be completely sober myself so that I can interpret what he's saying and ask the right questions.

 

[Sammy2009]

I'm losing all hope in ever getting pregnant. Today is another CD1 and without being dramatic, i really don't know how much more i can cope with. My husband STILL hasn't stopped smoking, isn't taking any of the vitamins I brought him, and just doesn't seem to care. I understand its hard for him, but my heart is breaking every time my period comes.

I need to loose weight to start the treatment, but am struggling so much. He isn't helping me, keeps buying loads of crap food, which I then eat. Whenever I bring up how I feel he gets so defensive, when we first found out we would need fertility treatment, he promised me he would do anything he possibly could to make sure I get pregnant, he hasn't done one thing. And it's him that needs to make the changes!! I feel like I'm beginning to resent him. I can't do everything by myself.

I give up, it hurts so much.

I have had a million and one arguments with OH over this as he has low sperm count ONLY due to smoking, drinking and caffeine. When he once gave up for a few weeks his sperm improved a lot but now he is back to his usual ways and we have EC in about 10 days! I can see this time its going to be more like ICSI not IVF. I might as well beat my head against a brick wall and have virtually lost the will to even try to get him to stop anymore to be honest. It infuriates me