I'm starting to hate my other half

[Yo_Yo]

Your adapting as a family of four, but I can't believe he said you don't want your baby to your little girl!! My four year old would have been distraught too. It was very childish of him to bring her into it by saying that.

I honestly don't think some men realise the work that goes into looking after kids during the day when they are at work. Perhaps you should give yourself the night off and go to your parents or out with a friend.
Let him have the kids all day and night. Perhaps then he'd appreciate all you do and realise he's being unfair.

 

[6lilpigs]

Just agreeing with all the ladies have said, I hope you are well, please update us if you can or need some more support xx

 

[AngelofTroy]

My husband and I went through a similar (awful) adjustment period after my son was born. I felt resentful and angry, exhausted and used, turns out he felt like I was no longer fun or affectionate (I wonder why!) and things got UGLY.

We are by no means perfect, but in comparison to where we were 3 years ago we are great now.

Here is what helped us:

1) We agreed I would spend one evening a week at my parents' house, with the baby. They have always been a great help and would cook and clear up and spend time with the baby, as I was breastfeeding i couldn't leave our son with him, but we both had some space and time to ourselves. He was welcome to come too but rarely did.

2) We had weekly couples counseling with Relate, who helped us to communicate better and see things from each other's point of view. It wasn't always easy and hubby often felt attacked, which was hard for him to deal with, but essentially he had to change more than I did, and the counsellor saw that.

3) When counselling became too expensive we continued to go out just the two of us for 2/3 hours once a week. My parents kindly babysat during this time. We chose to continue with a breakfast time as baby was well fed (on solids by now) and happy and also we established that on evening 'dates' OH resented talking about serious matters, as he saw it as a chance to relax. The breakfast time was perfect for airing any differences and discussing division of chores and childcare etc.

4) We had a 'safe word', this was established in counselling and we still use it years on. If things get too heated and we feel like we're about to say something we'll regret, we say the safe word and agree to return to it later when we have calmed down. We often use it if we argue in front of our son, and it sounds like it might work for you. Just remember to go back to it later calmly as otherwise one or both of you can resent feeling unheard.

I'd highly recommend a short course if counselling at least with Relate, they offer reduced rates for 6 sessions if you need them. We did and I'm so grateful to them. OH still doesn't see the value in it ironically but he has improved despite this! We both did.

Good luck to you. Xxx

 

[pradabooties]

I know this is an old thread but I SO know exactly what it's like to have an unhelpful partner!
I had an extremely traumatic delivery that ended in an emergency c section... The first few weeks at home I wanted to scream every time I got out of bed it hurt so much (I regret it a bit now but I took no pain relief either). Still, from day one I've been getting up to bub every time she cries which felt like 100s of times on the toughest nights. She's 4 weeks now and although my scar hurts much less nothing has changed. In the last month he's made dinner once. He had 2 weeks off to "help" and spent the entire time playing video games and sleeping 10 hours a night while I have been getting from half an hour to 4 hours sleep a night but still don't have time to nap because I was making lunch for us or cleaning every time bub finally napped. Anytime I brought it up or got upset he said he'd help more and act like he had no idea what he was doing wrong but the very next day it would just be the same. If I say anything he brings up that he works excessively long hours so can't do anything - sorry but anyone can put their own rubbish in the bin! Ah huge vent sorry lol. I hope the situation has improved for you at least