I'm totally petrified about giving birth. Crying right now; thinking about it!

[hawalkden]

Sorry another post so close together..

I'm just totally freaking and worrying so much about giving birth it's unreal.

I woke up this morning crying my eyes out OH thought something was wrong but once I calmed down and told him. He just smiled and let me cry on his shoulders then getting hold of me and saying 'your body is capable of doing what needs doing and is going to do an amazing job but needs your mind to be in the right place and as calm as possible'. Which made me cry even more! .

I just don't know how to get the horrid thoughts and fears out of my head!

 

[boybump4]

awww sending big hugs honey is this your first xxxx

 

[TiffanyF]

I know in the US you can opt for a c-sec if you want. Especially if you are that afraid. At first I asked my dr about it like 4 mts ago lol he was really cool about it, although now i feel like I want to atleast try to have the baby vaginally because its my first baby and once you have a c-sec usually you can't have a vag birth, and its a experience I atleast want to give a try. If i medically require a csec thats fine though, atleast i tried.

 

[wigglywoo]

Read lots of positive birth stories. There are lots online. People only seem to want to share the horror stories and you don't get to hear the beautiful, empowering positive birth stories so often. You Tube videos of natural births are also worth watching as they give you a more normal perspective of birth than the medicalised 'emergency' type situations we are bombarded with on the television.

Research the things you are afraid of. You will probably find that the risk of them actually happening is very low.

And your OH is right, you can do this, your body is designed to do this but fear of childbirth will make it harder and more painful

 

[Louisex]

I feel same. What if somthing happens to me I feel selfish that I have put my life at risk by having another child when my daughter needs me but i deceided to have another one for her to have a sibling. I am sure we be ok it's just hormones x

 

[billlumbergh]

i was so frightened too, obviously i'm still anxious, but your oH is right, our bodies are amazing!!

I bought Ina Mays guide to childbirth and it is wonderful. brilliant birth stories and wonderful advise, very positive; i would highly reccomend it, i'm actually looking forward to the birth now

 

[Jennifaerie]

I've been listening to a hypnobirth CD and I think it helps with my labour fears. Also ask around, I have a few friends who had really positive birth experiences which always really help! x

 

[aliss]

I bought Ina Mays guide to childbirth and it is wonderful. brilliant birth stories and wonderful advise, very positive; i would highly reccomend it, i'm actually looking forward to the birth now

I agree with the above, Ina May's book was very, very helpful. Almost everything that could have gone wrong with my labour did go wrong - but thinking back to Ina May's words and all the positive birth stories were very reassuring and helped me get through a very long & difficult labour.

You'll notice that a lot of women, who have never been through labour, talk about their "pain tolerance" before labour occurs - but women who have already been through labour don't seem to talk about that again The reason is because your own personal pain tolerance, IMO, is completely irrelevant - you need to use the power of mind and to work with your body to get through it.

Labour is not a pain that your body "fights" - your body will work with it to get you through it. There is no "fight or flight" panic that occurs in labour (like the pain if you stuck your hand in fire). It's about mind, determination, and your drive to cope with it.

Good luck!

 

[Serendipity40]

i think any of us that dont admit to being petrified of the unknown or known pain & experience of labour at some stage during pregnancy are in denial...but having said that as the weeks progress your body will start to want to go into labour & the fear that ur are experiencing now will ease..you will start to feel excited & want to go into labour...but i am totally with you over the fear..try & see if you can talk to a natural childbirth expert to get your head round what your body is capable of naturally & then also talk to your midwife about choices of pain relief during labour..some labours can be relatively painfree with right pain relief used at correct times...

and what we are all so lucky to have now is the emergency section route should things not go as nature intended...in days gone by thats why so many women didnt make it through childbirth as there was no such things as sections available instantly...

i know it all sounds a bit scary but these are all emotions i have gone through during this pregnancy....

 

[e11etee]

I know exactly how you feel! I have always been 'scared/ nervous' about giving birth even before i was pregnant and although i know its what our bodies were made to do, the pain is a 'positive' pain and have been told lots of tips about coping with it, it still scares me. I am trying to be positive and calm about the experience and have 'set up' all my different options to help cope, but i have started to have some pains (which i think is LO's head engaging) and at the end of the day that is hurting and i am scared!! I think its hard as you try to prepare for it, but no one can truly tell you what the pain is like and how you will cope with it. I also think the hardest thing is the waiting and anticipation which makes it worse for me!! The thing that i hang on to is the outcome of having LO in my arms and the pain being forgotten thanks to mother nature!! (Also the hope that i am imaging the pain is so much worse then it actually is!!)

I didn't want to add doom and gloom to the thread, but i wanted you to know you are not alone or a bad person in how you feel!! Sometimes i feel like this as so many women are wishing for labour early so they can meet their LO whereas although i am excited about being a mum and a family and meeting LO, i can wait for my labour to start and am not wishing for it to be early due to the pain!!! Wouldn't it be great if we could go to sleep one night and wake up with a baby in our arms painfree!! Or if storks really did bring our babies to us!! Lol!!

 

[special_kala]

I bought Ina Mays guide to childbirth and it is wonderful. brilliant birth stories and wonderful advise, very positive; i would highly reccomend it, i'm actually looking forward to the birth now

I agree with the above, Ina May's book was very, very helpful. Almost everything that could have gone wrong with my labour did go wrong - but thinking back to Ina May's words and all the positive birth stories were very reassuring and helped me get through a very long & difficult labour.

You'll notice that a lot of women, who have never been through labour, talk about their "pain tolerance" before labour occurs - but women who have already been through labour don't seem to talk about that again The reason is because your own personal pain tolerance, IMO, is completely irrelevant - you need to use the power of mind and to work with your body to get through it.

Labour is not a pain that your body "fights" - your body will work with it to get you through it. There is no "fight or flight" panic that occurs in labour (like the pain if you stuck your hand in fire). It's about mind, determination, and your drive to cope with it.

Good luck!

with my second i realiaed i had to mentally cope with the pain not just physically and my second labour was actually a enjoyable experience.

Your body knows what it need to do so let it get on with t whilst you control your mind and thoughts. I found really getting into my own head and reasoning with myself helped massively, so when i had a contraction at the peak i could tell myself it will be over soon and when really big ones came id say to myself "youv done bigger before, its fine you can cope with it again".

My MWs left the room as i just didnt need them at all.

Dont dwell on the physical pain your going to have, your body will sort that out. When your in labour try not to panic with the pain, it can be hard not to let it overwhelm you but i found when i lost my train of thought the pain was worse (this was why everytime my OH opened his mouth i told him to shut up because he was distracting me)

You will be fine

 

[hulahoop09]

I can totally relate to how you feel. I have been diagnosed with tokophobia and have had it since my teens. Mine is quite deep rooted and more in depth but I can totally understand how frightening it is. I have spoken to people who feel like you and have gone on to have fab labours but mine isnt that simple. I would say have a chat with your midwife and see what she says. I saw a specialist midwife who tried hypnobirthing and it can and does work for many (for me it didnt) so this may help you a little or a lot.

xx

 

[misspink]

I feel the same hun! I would have to say that for me, watching birth videos is probably the worst thing I could do, I just don't understand how it can help. I won't be seeing it from that end when I'm doing it so I won't be watching any because the blood and gore etc completely freaks me out. So don't feel like you should do that to prepare if you don't think it will help you. For me, reading up on the procedure has helped me much more as I feel I know what to expect. I am now feeling like I am so excited to meet my baby, my body is built to do this and it's pain with a purpose! So I am hoping that I will be ok. Also, don't feel like it's a competition, if you want an epidural get one, there are no medals for not using pain relief!

 

[hawalkden]

Thanks ladies .. feeling a little better still crying ! haha..

Hormones kicking in.. just cried on the phone to OH whilst he's at work; he was seeing how I was! I just broke down; crying over random rubbish! Just a visious circle at the moment with my hormones..

I've got a midwife appointment on Wednesday just for me to have all my worries poured out and hopefully I'll feel miles better after probably going though a box of tissues!

I don't want to be to 'prepared!' but I don't want everything to happen last minute when it comes to looking at the labour ward etc.. Hope to go and look at that this weekend and make sure we all know where to go etc ..

 

[hawalkden]

Also thinking it's just the thought of my tiny body being in a huge task. The midwife said at the beginning of my pregnancy when I went to my first appointment I have a very very tiny frame being just under 5 foot and weighting at the start 7 and half stone. She just gave the 'feel sorry for you look' so that's in my head too I'm onlu 29 weeks now and when I'm walking or moving around my bump feels reallllllly heavy and it's going to burst with the pressure and I've got weeks to go and the huge growth spurt to go though yet, also the my diabetes wont help at the end with the extra sugar inside me etc :\

 

[misspink]

I really found that helped, looking around the ward and knowing where to go. Good luck and hope you feel better soon x

 

[special_kala]

Also thinking it's just the thought of my tiny body being in a huge task. The midwife said at the beginning of my pregnancy when I went to my first appointment I have a very very tiny frame being just under 5 foot and weighting at the start 7 and half stone. She just gave the 'feel sorry for you look' so that's in my head too I'm onlu 29 weeks now and when I'm walking or moving around my bump feels reallllllly heavy and it's going to burst with the pressure and I've got weeks to go and the huge growth spurt to go though yet, also the my diabetes wont help at the end with the extra sugar inside me etc :\

Its rare for size to be a big deal.

I have a small frame but gave birth to 8lb14 and 9lb1 babys both with large heads. I get alot of shocked faces when i tell people the birth sizes especially from MW's but i didnt have any tears atc with either

 

[nicmum2b]

I was nervous about giving birth at first but now it's getting closer I'm getting really excited! It might sound really strange.. but I can't wait to feel what a contraction feels like! I think of it as a way of your body doing such an amazing thing plus I feel like it's a positive thing because I'll be giving birth to my gorgeous son or daughter that I've had inside me for 9 months. I find it so exciting!!!

Edit: The only thing I am worried about is the pain it's going to cause me 'down there' getting LO out! And the pain afterwards in case I tear!

 

[steffc]

It's natural to be scared I am absolutely terrified! Its also natural to be giving birth, hell women have done it since forever and nowadays were lucky to have such great medical advances. Our bodies are built to do this

 

[hawalkden]

Also thinking it's just the thought of my tiny body being in a huge task. The midwife said at the beginning of my pregnancy when I went to my first appointment I have a very very tiny frame being just under 5 foot and weighting at the start 7 and half stone. She just gave the 'feel sorry for you look' so that's in my head too I'm onlu 29 weeks now and when I'm walking or moving around my bump feels reallllllly heavy and it's going to burst with the pressure and I've got weeks to go and the huge growth spurt to go though yet, also the my diabetes wont help at the end with the extra sugar inside me etc :\

Its rare for size to be a big deal.

I have a small frame but gave birth to 8lb14 and 9lb1 babys both with large heads. I get alot of shocked faces when i tell people the birth sizes especially from MW's but i didnt have any tears atc with either

I think it's the fear of my missy being a huge 10cm plus shoulders coming out is just a thing my body can do