I'm TTC#2, DH is NTNP

[AussieBub]

Hey Ladies,

Long story short(er), DH and I both said we were ready for a 2nd baby but DH doesn't want to actively try for one. He said he felt when we were TTC#1, everything seemed too mechanical and he doesn't want to do that again. So he doesn't want to know when I'm ovulating or anything like that.

This frustrates me because I am wanting to actively try and I do know roughly when I'd ovulate. Trouble now is, he questions me every time I want to have sex with him. He asks are you wanting it because you want a baby or because you're actually in the mood? The answer is always both but now he has started declining DTD more.

During my pregnancy and for the first 7 months of our daughters life, he complained we never had sex. Now I am throwing myself at him and he is holding out. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't win. My cycles are usually 31 days and my AF finished on the 21st. Since then we've DTD on the 22nd, 25th and 29th. I want to DTD again tonight but again DH is holding out. He keeps sending me these mixed signals, saying he's ready for another but then holding out on me. What would you ladies do? I've tried being spontaneous with it but then he ruins it by asking the bloody questions. It was him who first came to me and said he was ready for another (we want our first 2 to be close in age), I've not pressured him into this. Ugh, I'm just getting so frustrated. Any suggestions?

-AussieBub

 

[x-ginge-x]

Seems to me he isn't as ready as he says he is I say have a good sit down chat with him and ask what he really wants...

 

[AussieBub]

I did the other night. He says he is ready and does want another one but then he does this. I asked him why he holds out if he does want another and he just says he doesn't wasn't it to feel forced or "mechanical". I keep saying to him, I wouldn't have sex with him just to get pregnant, I would be in the mood and actually wanting it. I mean I've gone the pregnancy + 7 months of not wanting it so we never had it. Now, yes me wanting it more often has coincided with deciding to have another but it's also around the same times I've started having cycles again (DD is breastfed so only just started having cycles). I feel more me now and our DD sleeps through the night now so I'm not tired and have time to ourselves now.

I don't know, I feel he isn't as sure as he says but every time I ask him he says he is. Ugh!

-AussieBub

 

[x-ginge-x]

I would say stop asking/offering it and see what he says when he isn't getting any

 

[AussieBub]

I'm wanting to DTD at least once more before the 3rd (I'm estimating I'll have finished ovulating by that date), just to give us a solid chance and after that I'll stop offering (which may be hard because I've been really wanting it lately, sry tmi) and see what he says.

-AussieBub

 

[Katies]

Tell him that you may be ovulating but when women ovulated they get in the mood from basic body functions. It's one of the reason the rate of teen pregnancy is so high because around the time of ovulation your sex drive jumps. (PS I was a teen mom I'm not trying to put them down or anything like that.)

 

[AussieBub]

I might wait until after I think I've finished ovulating in case he then refuses to DTD again because he thinks I'm making it too mechanical. Seriously what even is that?! I try and make it as spontaneous as I can but I have to give him some heads up. He gets very self conscious and always insists on showering before we DTD. So I have to say to him, go shower or make sure you wash tonight...you know imply that I'm wanting it and he should be prepared to get lucky. Then once he has had his shower, he doesnt bother getting dressed and I jump him. Sorry if this is tmi, im just trying to figure out, how I'm making it mechanical. Why are men so difficult? Lol.

-AussieBub

 

[anagee]

I used to have this prible with my hubby. What I started doing is tricking him into thinking he is the one who initiates the sex. I wear skimpy clothes for him or undress in front of him to in a way seduce him. I wouldn't mention ovulation or anything like that since in my hubby case it turns him off. Lol hope this helps.

 

[AussieBub]

That does help thanks. I keep thinking in the back of my mind though, am I tricking him or going against his wishes having another baby. I have to remind myself that this was his idea. This all started because I teared up watching an episode of One Born Every Minute and said this show makes me broody. He then said to me so why don't we make another one? I asked if he wanted another one and was ready. He said he was and that he liked the idea of having a baby close in age to our daughter. I actually slept on it, weighing up everything. The next day I agreed to NTNP but now that my cycles have started again, I want to actively try and hit the right time lol. Now all of a sudden he puts the breaks on and I'm like wtf?! I was originally going to just stop trying to sleep with him but then thought, what if he suddenly starts talking about wanting to get pregnant again and then I've missed my chance for the month?

Gonna definitely try to be more sexy, provocative around him, see if that gets things going. Thanks.

-AussieBub

 

[anagee]

Another thing I found helpful and sorry for the TMI is actually to have a little more fun with sex. For instance role play and those kinds of things to make him stop thinking about sex for conception. It's worked for me before.

 

[AussieBub]

(TMI WARNING) Hmm role playing could be fun, we haven't done that in a while lol. We've been doing a lot more fore playing lately but DH and I are opposite, he enjoys more fore play than I do. I get to the point where I just want to have sex and he'll want to keep playing for a while. Then it starts to become less fun and more of a chore for me because I get too worked up and restless. Last time we DTD he got me so unbelievably worked up I literally threw myself onto him but he said not yet and made me wait another 30 minutes before we finally had sex! I mean I'm all for teasing but it gets to a point where its not fun anymore if you know what I mean.

Maybe that's what he means by mechanical...he enjoys fore-playing and I get restless when we don't get down to it fast enough. I mean, I like roughly 20-30 mins of foreplay, any longer than that and I just get restless and start asking him just to do it already lol. Might have to dig out my sexy lingerie and try role playing with him Sorry for the tmi.

-AussieBub

 

[Mrsgoodhart]

I'm not quite in the same boat- my DH told me to stop taking the pill but claims not to be "trying"....let's face it, if you're not preventing you might as well be trying. He mentioned on more than one occasion that we should just do it when we do it and I should just tell him when I'm pregnant. Therefore, I bought and used OPKs this cycle and pretty sure we timed things well (damn tww) and will just tell him when it happens. But at the same time it feels about 5% wrong to be actively TTC when he says we're just not preventing, but when I think about the fact that he was the one that started it..... Ehhhh...I dunno. I think it will all work out- FX your hubby starts putting out more ;-)

 

[anagee]

Lol I m more of the playful type lol TMI again but maybe don't make it to be so much about the conception but go down on him and play like that. Maybe that way he thinks of sex as fun and why not have you take control of the sex (while role-playing) so you can have it as fast or as slow as you want. Lol my hubby is more of a let's get to the point so I have no prob in that department. I would also suggest maybe having a talk again and making a concrete decision together that way neither party feels obligated to the others wishes. Maybe he just isn't ready for the pregnant phase since it might mean little sex for him. Who knows. Lol men are complicated creatures

 

[AussieBub]

Exactly Mrsgoodhart, you can't help but feel slightly wrong about ttc when they're ntnp even though it was pretty much their idea. Guess, I'll just have to be even more spontaneous and spicy in the bedroom with mentioning anything to do with babies lol.

Thanks ladies!
-AussieBub

 

[babifever]

I agree with Goodhart to a point....if your not preventing, then you are trying... But the main point is how you look at it. Lets face it, most people that are TTC, especially us who are on the forums, are doing everything in our power to increase the chances, as in charting, using supplements, etc, etc. But routinely when your NTNP, your just going with the flow and waiting on AF to come, or not to come, however you want to perceive it. Now, for your husbands defense....some people and often some men dont like the technicalities of TTC. It turns into mechanics and can even be stressful for some. You know your husband better than we do. If he says he does want a baby, then he does? Just because he's not into the timing etc, as you are, doesn't necessarily mean you have to question his wanting to conceive. Maybe you should use these boards as your resource and vent. Just because your not constantly talking about it, doesn't mean your not actively trying. Just go with the flow and enjoy sex with your husband. Personally after this cycle I'm moving into what is known as the NTNP stage. But to me its still TTC, because my desire will not change, I'm just not going to be as technical about it. I personally prefer less Stress. And for me TTC can be stressful. But that's just me. My advice would be to stop talking about it for a few days and just go with the flow, someone else was right your more than likely going to become more Horney around ovulation anyway. My point is, you gotta do what's works best for your situation. If your husbands thrives from less discussion, less technicalities, go for it.....

 

[babifever]

Honestly we have dtd everyday but 4 days this cycle, plus menstrual days. I climaxed maybe 2 1/2 times, lol. Not good nor my average at all. This TTC thang has made it hard for me to concentrate. My whole motive is to get the sperm, lol. Its sad. But I'm so ready for this cycle to end, although I'm totally in the compulsive mood with this, I'm charting and all, and I'm actually a very technical person in general, but I have to say, I'm like your husband, this is too mechanical for me. I'm ready to get back to the way it was!!! Lol

 

[babifever]

Yet and still, you know your dh best..