in-laws reaction to baby's last name

[SarahBear]

FYI: This post is primarily a rant.

My husband and I don't have the same last name. From the time we first started talking about having kids, we've discussed both first and last names. We decided against hyphenation as our names sound ridiculous together. So our solution early on was to use one last name for one kid and the other last name for the other kid. By the time I was pregnant with my first, we decided to just go the conventional route and Violet has my husband's last name. My husband later apparently wished we had gone with our original plan, so when I become pregnant with my second baby, we decided together that this one would have my last name. When Leo was born and Owen told his mom the name, she quickly passed the phone off to my father-in-law. At first she "liked" and commented on Facebook pictures and posts and even "shared" a picture, but then deleted all her posts, "likes" and shares. Then last minute, they canceled their hotel reservations and said they were unable to visit and gave no explanation. They also have made no effort to reschedule or have any level of contact... I understand that we made an unconventional naming decision, but they always have acted like they're really excited to be grandparents and as if they respect others doing things differently from them. However, one small name turned things quickly awkward and then silent! We'll soon be traveling to visit family. It's up to them whether or not they move past this and have a relationship with their grandkids, but I can't believe their behavior!

 

[Bella1185]

They had their chance to name their kids, now it's yours. Doesn't matter if they agree or not - they're being petty. It's about the children not the grandparents!

 

[SarahBear]

My biggest issue with it is my 2 year old. Luckily she doesn't seem bothered by them not coming as she had been told they would.

 

[chipsticks]

I could probably write a 10 page essay on how much my in laws don't agree with us (well actually me because they think their own son is incapable of making a decision). If they are going to be that narrow minded then I don't believe your children will be missing too much relationship wise with them!

 

[MumToEva]

It's disappointing when grandparents let your kids down in a way you don't expect, isn't it? My husband and i expected his mum to want to be actively involved in our kids lives, and her lack of interest has disappointed us both. I try my best not to vent my frustration in front of the kids - I figure they will figure things out for themselves quick enough.

Leave it up to them and see what happens. As you say though, it's good that your Daughter is young enough not to be too bothered, as it would make it harder if she was upset by it.

 

[Larkspur]

Wow. That's really sad. Some people really have to make everything about themselves, don't they?

 

[Kitters]

That is so sad. Fair enough if they were confused by your choice, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but that's crazy to shut you out of their life.

Unless your surname just happens to be IWISHMYINLAWSWOULDDIE then they are completely overreacting!

 

[Zephram]

That is sad on their part. I don't understand not wanting to be a part of their grandkids over something like what they're called. That's totally petty.

They don't have to agree with your choice, but they're punishing themselves and their grandkids by acting this way, they're not actually making a point to you and your husband.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

They have seriously over reacted! Their problem though btw similar here as my son has my last name (and I love it!) My girls have their dads name. X

 

[Larkspur]

That is sad on their part. I don't understand not wanting to be a part of their grandkids over something like what they're called. That's totally petty.

They don't have to agree with your choice, but they're punishing themselves and their grandkids by acting this way, they're not actually making a point to you and your husband.

Unless the point is "we are passive-aggressive narcissistic assholes", in which case I would say the point is pretty well-made.

 

[sethsmummy]

its their loss hun. my inlaws (mil specifically) had a major hissy fit when she found out we were putting our last names together.

 

[jodilee6]

Do you think their reaction would have been less severe if your daughter took your name and your son took OHs name? Maybe they feel like their won't be a boy to carry on the family name?

Regardless of this they are being incredibly childish about it!

 

[AP]

OMG complete over-reaction! Perhaps they should ask themselves why babies name should always default to the father? Because there is no reason. People often suggest it's tradition - tradition to who exactly?!

Stick to your guns, i like your unconventional choice

 

[SarahBear]

Do you think their reaction would have been less severe if your daughter took your name and your son took OHs name? Maybe they feel like their won't be a boy to carry on the family name?

Regardless of this they are being incredibly childish about it!

I think there's a good chance the reaction would have been different with a girl, but who knows.

Also, Violet was the first grandchild, so maybe they would have been happy even if she had my last name. Leo is their first grandson and they now have another granddaughter. They have 4 sons though, so there's still a chance for another grandson. Also, I passed my last name, so what's to stop Violet from doing the same?

 

[vermeil]

We did the same thing! alternated last names. Like you it was dh's idea! I was a bit worried for school (not sure why) but beyond that no negative reaction from either family. Dh's family is much more conservative and they gracefully smiled and nodded. I was pleasantly surprised.

How awful and immature of them!! Probably your FIL realised his grandson won't have his name and that wounded his pride once he mulled it over, and complained to MIL? Some people get strange over family legacies etc. Anyway i hope they'll 'get over it' and come round. It would really bother me not knowing the reason for sure though.

 

[SarahBear]

Vermeil, that's exactly what I suspect happened.

 

[JessyG]

Wow what a ridiculous reaction to a name. Its a sad day when the adults in the family behave worse than the children!

 

[heidi87814]

As the other ladies said, that was a complete overreaction.

Unfortunately some people are just too traditional and old-fashioned for their own good. I'm sure it'll be something they'll get over eventually but, ugh, I can totally see why you got upset. I'd be peeved.

 

[sue_88]

I don't particulary understand it, and would never personally give siblings different names whilst growing up, that said its not my issue or my business...and neither your mil and fils. Tell them to keep there comments to themselves.

 

[JenX]

Is this the grandfather who acts inappropriately with Violet? Maybe not a great loss if they don't come around?