in-laws reaction to baby's last name

[SarahBear]

He can interact in ways that are damaging to his relationship with Violet. I spoke up for Violet on our last two visits with them. Doesn't even listen well to me when I tell him to stop. But as mentioned, I wanted her to have a good relationship with her Nana. Also figured that it was worth giving her grandfather a chance to learn better ways to interact. We're planning to visit in 2 weeks. We'll see how that goes. I am actually glad to not have had to deal with them shortly after having given birth, but wish it were under better circumstances.

 

[SarahBear]

Leo will be a month old tomorrow and we've still heard NOTHING from them. My husband usually communicates with them through email and they almost always respond within a day. Recently, however, my husband emailed them to inform them of our plans to visit and ask if the timing would work for them. It's been a few days and only silence. We're going to give them a week to respond and if they don't, we're going to say that since it doesn't seem like a good time, we'll visit other family instead (probably one of my husband's brothers). We'll also let them know Violet misses them and to let us know when they're ready for a visit. After that I'd like to not work them into our plans by default. Instead maybe let them know when we'll be in the area so they have the opportunity to say they're up for a visit and only plan to see them if they respond.

 

[Larkspur]

Honestly, this thread leaves me open-mouthed. I can understand that they might be unhappy about your choice, but to then behave in a way that suggests they don't even want to acknowledge their grandchildren if one of them doesn't have their name... Well, you are being a lot calmer about it than I would!

 

[StaceyKor]

Agree with Larkspur, i'm stunned by the way they are acting and cant understand them not wanting to be a part of their grandsons first month!!xx

 

[SarahBear]

I might seem calm but it's driving me batty and I'd like to see the conclusion of this. I'd like to move on whether it means them rebuilding a relationship or if it means rethinking Christmas plans and no longer talking to Violet about going to see Nana and Grandpa. Some may jump to the last option at this point, but if that's going to happen, it won't be on me that it did. We're giving them plenty of opportunities and if they can't take any of them, there's nothing we can do about it because we're not going to apologize for doing nothing wrong. And in terms of being calm. Past experience with a family member acting like an ass probably helps.

 

[SarahBear]

If they do choose to continue with their silence, I don't know what to tell Violet about it...

 

[Larkspur]

If they do choose to continue with their silence, I don't know what to tell Violet about it...

You should probably just email them saying "Violet keeps asking when we're going to see Nana and Grandpa again, and we honestly don't know what to tell her. Maybe you can clear this up for us."

 

[NickyKB]

If they do choose to continue with their silence, I don't know what to tell Violet about it...

You should probably just email them saying "Violet keeps asking when we're going to see Nana and Grandpa again, and we honestly don't know what to tell her. Maybe you can clear this up for us."

What a dreadful situation. What Larkspur suggests seems like a good idea.

Also if you're planning to see your brother-in-law instead is it worth your husband talking to him to see if his parents have spoken to him about what's going on? It just seems such a ridiculous thing to lose important relationships over maybe if you can find out more about why they've taken it so badly it might give you a starting point for re-opening discussions?

 

[catty]

this is really sad
I think id be the same as you, if we were to completely stop speaking I would like to know I did everything my end so I would have no guilt over it (not that you should have any)
its maybe not the typical thing to do but who cares - you decided it as a family and they should respect that

 

[SarahBear]

With that family's lack of communication in general, I'm guessing not much has been said to the brother we'd likely visit.

 

[NickyKB]

Just reread my response hope it was clear that I think they're the ones being ridiculous!

 

[SarahBear]

I understood

 

[SarahBear]

Well it sounds like my husband is going to send another email. Not sure exactly what he's going to say, but it should get across the message that we will be interpreting their silence to mean we shouldn't come. He's going to say it in a nice way and leave the door open for them to still respond, but he said it's the last one he's sending without a response. We also talked about visiting both his brothers who are in Oregon (the other one is in Vermont) instead of his parents rather nhan just one of them. I'd like to be able to check in with his brothers to see if they're even available. Can't do that until we've determined for sure we won't be seeing his parents.

 

[SarahBear]

My husband brought up another possible trigger. Before Leo was born, they asked about visiting on a specific date (over the course of a few days but staying in a hotel). We let them down gently stating that although it would probably work fine, we wanted to avoid definite plans before the baby was born. He wonders if maybe the name was more of a tipping point than the catalyst.

 

[Button#]

I think they're acting dreadfully. I've had snide comments from my in laws about not taking OHs name. I don't know why people have to make such a fuss about being a bit untraditional with names. So sad for Violet.

 

[SarahBear]

They had no issue and were rather accepting of my decision to not take my husband's last name, actually.

 

[Button#]

I had comments about my 'real' name. I hope you get an answer soon so you know what to do.

 

[SarahBear]

We'll be seeing them for a couple hours on Sunday. We'll also be visiting with my husband's youngest brother on Friday and he may be able to provide some insight.

 

[AK89]

Wow what a crappy situation Hope you get some resolve soon, I hate family drama!

 

[BabyMamma93]

not alot of people like Malakai, it doesnt bother me at all.
It started when we told my OHs grandad, he was saying its a jewish name and some other random crap about who was called Malakai, where they were from and what they did wrong, but really, i dont care what someone called Malakai did a hundred years ago and whether he was a jew or a dog!!
My dad calls him Fred, and tbh i dont mind, i did once say to him 'what are you gona tell him when hes older and asks why u call him Fred not Malakai' he said 'ill tell him the truth, im not calling him a ridiculous name like Malakai' him saying that got to me a bit but my dad makes a joke out of it, not like my grandad and his partner, they both sat there for about 20 mins going on and on about how horrible the name is. okay got it, thanks for your opinion but its not needed