In laws staying after baby born

[funinthesun]

My in laws live in England and I live in Australia. They are planning to come to Australia when the baby is 5 months old and to stay for a month.

They are paying a lot of money for the flight and it would cost a lot of extra money to pay for one month's accommodation.


Our place is going to be too small for them to stay in. We have one spare bedroom but it will only fit in a single bed. Plus I'm not sure that I would want them to stay for a whole month when we have a 5 month old baby.

My parents are thinking of offering for the in laws to stay with them at their house for a month. I'm not sure this is a good idea. They all barely know each other and I'm worried that because its a month, there is the potential for things to go downhill. I don't want there to be any tension or arguments between the two sets of parents.

What do you think?

 

[nevernormal]

Have your parents & in-laws met before? Do you think they'd get along in general? Personally, I'd never let this happen with my ILs and parents but I know for a fact it would be a constant battle between my dad & FIL (our moms would get along great!).

How about planning to have them stay in a hotel or something the last week of their stay, or the 3rd week maybe to break it up? Or if you can swing it, plan some mini-vacation with the ILs and take them to the beach or somewhere for a few days to give your parents a reprieve.

 

[mnonie]

It would depend on how they get on, I know my IL couldn't stay with my parents but at the same point it would be the same visa versa.

 

[funinthesun]

They have only spent maybe 4 days in total together.

I think its too risky staying one month, but maybe I'll suggest that they spend a couple of weeks in a hotel and a couple of weeks with my parents.

It puts my parents in a difficult position. If they don't offer for the in laws to stay with them, it may seem rude.

 

[nevernormal]

It also depends on how your parents' house is set up. Is it set up in such a way that they don't have to see much of each other if they are tired of each other? Maybe just for breakfast before the your parents head out to work, or the ILs head over to your place to spend time with their grandchild? Is there a TV in your parents spare bedroom so the ILs can retreat the there and have their own space and down time? Etc.

 

[rowleypolie]

Have the inlawas seen your house? Do they understand you have a single bed in the guest room? They may already understand the tight quarters and really just want to be close.

The good news? 5 month old babies are tons of fun! They will really enjoy their stay. As mommy you will be getting more sleep, needing to feed less, and be super bonded with bubs. I went and stayed with my mom for a month when my bubs was 5 months and it was awesome. We were also in super tight quarters at their summer cabin in the woods.

 

[Powell130]

You're a brave woman. I would die having to spend a whole month with my ILs lol hubs and i used to live with them 2 years ago before we got our house and it was hell. Lol
I hope you find a way to make it work in your liking tho hun!! GL

 

[funinthesun]

My in laws haven't seen our house and how small it is. There's really not enough room for them. My husband will explain to them that it's too small for them to stay. Plus, I will be off work still at that point and don't want to spend all day with them at my house.

My parents house is bigger, but not a lot bigger. There's room for them there. But my mum doesn't work and I think its unfair on her to have the in laws at her house all day long. It might be a bit different if my mum was working and would only see them at night times.

 

[77Tulips]

I think it depends on the people and the house layout. My parents have had my sisters inlaws come out from Scotland to stay about that long. It was mutual agreement that they lived relatively separately though, so they mainly all cooked their own meals, all just came and went as if it was their own place and they didn't act as 'guests' so did their own washing, cleaning. It worked really well. I think you need ground rules for that sort of thing. The other options is to look at hiring a short term stay house. I know many people hire out their holiday homes for a month or so in downtime for very reasonable rates. My friends did this when they moved to Aus while they looked for a long term rental.

 

[Eleanor ace]

I'd definitely explain to your IL's how small your house is ASAP, and say that your parents are offering them a room at their house. That may effect their plans- perhaps they'd choose to come for a couple of weeks and stay at a hotel. If they still want to come and are up for staying with your parents I'd let that go ahead. They are all adults, hopefully they'll be able to get along for a few weeks! And if not at least its only a month! I'd imagine the IL's will be spending their days with you rather than at your parents house (otherwise what would be the point of them going) so your parents would only have to "put up" with them for a little bit each day

 

[WANBMUM]

wow a month? maybe already they have plans to book into a hotel for some part anyway. you guys need to have a talk with them to find out their plans. I know they are coming to see their new grandchild but going all the way to oz they must have some plans to holiday/sightsee, to have a break together.
I wouldn't even consider your parents, if they were buddies then yes. its alot to entertain, feed for a whole month. your IL's wouldn't expect that either. a month is a long time even for close family. boy my close family would drive me nuts after a week! ha.
have the convo and you will feel heaps better

 

[Dani_Ldn]

I am opposite to you hubby & I live in London & parents are all in Aus. My parents will be coming out for a month when bub is a new born (in fact I may still be pregnant when they get here) & they will be staying in our house with us. They will not be here the whole time though, they have a weeks trip planned over to Europe, they want to go down to Dorset to see some friends of theirs & they have some day trips planned also out of London.

Maybe your in-laws could stay with your parents, but also plan a few trips out & about for a few days so they are not in your parents way 24/7, I am sure if they are travelling all the way over that they would like to get out & see a few of the sights (where in Aus do you live?). I am also sure that they would feel just as awkward being stuck at your parents all the time, most likely you will find that they will want to come & see you & be out of the house once the jet lag is not so bad, maybe speak to them about what other plans they have while they are visiting.

 

[sue_88]

Wasn't it discussed when the trip was being planned?

If they have just assumed then, I think you're well within rights to move their choice of accommodation elsewhere.

But I don't see why they couldn't stay in a local holiday park or something? Turn it into a full holiday whilst meeting LO.

 

[julesjules100]

You could also look into a short term house/apartment rental for a month which is much cheaper than a hotel and gives everyone space x

 

[stardust1976]

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but if your in-laws live in another country, are you really saying that you can't put up with them for one measley month?

Don't get me wrong - I KNOW how difficult this is, and I get the tight quarters, but it's their grandchild and they probably only want to spend as much time as possible with him or her. A month in the grand scheme of things is very little time, and as another pp said, 5 month old babies are FUN! You will be getting a fair amount of sleep, feeding schedules will be well set, your baby may even be starting some baby cereal or something which I'm sure your in-laws would love to help with.

If you plan on day trips here and there, if you can fit it in/afford it, I'd suggest a weekend getaway for them at least halfway through to give you all a break and they can see more of our beautiful country.

Let them know that they will have no room - a double bed is barely bigger than a single bed (if you halve a double bed it's about cot width) - push it up right against the wall and it'll fit. If they know it's close quarters and are ok with it, I would suggest that it's a little selfish of you to deny them that time with their grandchild, given that they live on the other side of the world and how often will they get to spend time with him or her really?

I think it's asking a LOT of your parents to house them and I personally wouldn't.

That's probably not what you wanted to hear, but you wanted opinions. My in-laws are in America and my family is on the other side of Australia. When this baby is born my mum will be coming over here for a couple of weeks. I already have 4 kids in the house, 2 of them teenagers (one of those will be giving up her room for her Nana). So I'll have 2 kids in one room, us and the baby in our room, my son in his room (which is tiny as well) and my oldest daughter on the couch in the very small second living room that everyone has to walk through to get to either the bedrooms or the bathroom.

I don't have a great relationship with my mother - I moved back over here in part to get away from her/my family. BUT she is my children's grandparent and they love her. And the fact that she is only going to be able to see her grandchildren, including this latest one, probably once or twice at most a year, means I can be selfless and put up with the agony of having her be here in cramped quarters for an extended time.

My husbands' family are American - I wouldn't hesitate for a second if they said they were coming out here to meet the baby, even if it meant squishing them in for a month. After all, a month is a short amount of time in someone's entire childhood. I get that it's painful and a disruption, but think of how much they want to be a part of this babies life, not how much it's going to irritate you.

Just my take on it.

 

[nevernormal]

Stardust, a month is a short time but it's not always that easy. My parents will be coming around May 8th. I'm due May 19th. My dad has to leave by the 26th and my mom will be leaving June 10th or 11th. But my parents have to sleep in my living room because we have a one bedroom apartment. It's far from soundproof and it's likely we'll ALL be suffering from the sleep deprivation that comes from having a newborn (now I realize if we had a 5 month old it might be different). We only have one bathroom, and you have to go through our bedroom to get to it. Our hot water heater lasts about 1.5 showers, 2 if you try to be really speedy. We're making due because we have to... because of finances it's either that or they couldn't come for long at all. My parents are coming from out of the country, so are paying for flights, gas (they are flying into another part of the country to get their car and then driving here), etc. plus I know they want to buy stuff for the baby. There's no way I could ask them to stay in an extended stay place. But DH and I both get along really well with my parents. If we needed a break, we could tell them to go take the day for themselves somewhere and leave us, and they would do that without getting offended.

My ILs on the other hand... they don't live in another country but it's a 14 hr drive or so away. Only MIL works and they still have 2 kids at home that they homeschool, so if MIL took off that much time from work and they came down here, that would be FOUR extra people here. FIL is manipulative and makes passive aggressive comments about things when he's unhappy. Generally, because we see them for short periods of time, I can keep my own mouth quiet and put up with him, but there is no way I'd be able to deal with him in the next room for a month. The ILs likely won't come anyway as they don't have a lot of money and probably can't afford it, but I've already told DH that a week is the max that I promise to deal with FIL. Yes, a month is short in the grand scheme of things, but at this point I at least have the goal that my children have a good relationship with the the ILs despite the fact that FIL and I are only civil to each other, at best. I don't know that I would have that same view at the end of a month in close quarters with the man, which would likely impact the child's relationship with him in the future.

I think the OP was just looking for a way for everyone to be comfortable. Normally, when my parents have come to visit, DH and I offer our bed and offer to take the air mattress in the living room, so things are more comfortable for them. It's not really an option this time, considering how we have to have things set up for the baby in our small space.
Maybe the OP could take the spare room with the baby, her DH take the couch, and give the ILs the master bedroom for a month. But if there is a way for everyone to be more comfortable and have their own space, it might be worth looking into. I guess with the OPs original situation I would think that the ILs might have breakfast at her parent's house, then head over to her place for the day, then go back to sleep. They would still get plenty of time with their grandchild!