In the middle of a living nightmare

[mum2joe]

Hi Ladies, my name is Sarah I am 36, 8 weeks pregnant today with a much wanted 2nd baby & in a living hell.

To condense a VERY long story, I began spotting on & off 2 weeks ago, a week ago I woke in the middle of the night in absolute agony, was taken to hospital & scanned (after an agonising 36hrs of pain & bleeding)

The scan was inconclusive (was the consultant doing the scan not a radiographer) she could see a mass in my uterus, but was unsure if it was baby or not.

I was allowed home as I live relatively close to the hospital, & was told that they are treating it as an ectopic.

Repeat HCGs haven't given any answers, they have gone from an initial plummet of 1,700 to low 700s, to high 700s to low 700s yesterday, so unfortunately they seem to be plateau-ing.
Have to go again in the morning.

Consultant is veering toward methotrexate injections, which I DEFINATELY don't want to take, as we would not be able to start TTC again for at least 3 months, possibly six if I needed more than one shot.

Have had terrible cramping & bright red bleeding today (although throughout all of this the bleeding has been minimal- less than a period- & no clotting as yet) so am hopeful that this is the beginning of the end, I am physically & emotionally exhausted by this & desperately want my body to sort this out on its own.

I'm sure like all of you, I wish with all my heart that I wasn't in here, but I also know that, sadly, you all know the pain I am going through.

If you want to know a bit more info, then click on my journal link in my signature, it tells the whole sorry story...

ETA: obviously sigs are disabled in here, the link is

https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnancy-journals/113868-expedition-hatch-eggy.html

 

[Chilli]

Hi Sarah, so sorry to hear your story. You're right, most of us here do know how you feel: you don't need to explain or justify yourself to us. It's a terrible thing that you are going through and it's hard to know what decisions to make. I just hope you pull through the next few days ok and let us know how you are. For now just sending you big

 

[rachjim98]

Hi Sarah, my name is Rachael. SO sorry you too have found your way to this section. You will find a lot of the women in here who have had a ectopic and may be able to better answer some questions in that area if you need.

So sorry for your loss and the pain your in

It is a terrible place to be (where you are right now) and I wish nobody had to ever feel the pain we all have. Just letting you know I am thinking of you and big for you.

 

[mum2joe]

thankyou lovelies

Well the bleeding increased overnight & I passed my baby early this morning, I have kept her (how do I know it's a her, I don't...mummys instinct perhaps..) in a tissue & plan to plant a beautiful rose above her.

I feel strangely at peace, after all the hell of the past two weeks, I feel that she is also at peace now.

I was due to go for my repeat HCG this morning, but rang my EPAU to explain, they asked if I wanted to go in to be assessed, but I would much rather be dealing with this at home, so if the bleeding has calmed down, will go in the morning.

Thankyou so much for your kind words xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[HayleyJA]

Hi Sarah,
I just wanted to send some hugs your way....
I remember reading your lovely TTC journal when I'd just joined B&B was in my lurking stage, so was saddened to notice you pop up in here.
I can't say anything that will ease your hurt; instead wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and your family at this sad time.

 

[mazza2003]

I am so sorry for your loss. I had an ectopic at 8 weeks and its been a living hell too. I am glad you can have a memorial. Unfortunately I counldnt as I lost my tube.
My thoughts are with you.XXX

 

[Chilli]

I'm glad you feel more at peace. I was also sure that I knew my baby was a boy, we called him Soloman. You're right, as mothers we just know! You are in my thoughts