in the wrong forum but reaalllly need some advice, please help!

[Olivias_mum]

Deleted

 

[Kte]

I guessing this might get moved to the family section not sure.

Firstly

Having a new baby can put such a strain on a relationship let alone all the other complications you have had with your LO arriving early.

I know you don't want to be alone but you don't sound happy with new bf behavior. You have to put your foot down with him and follow it through. I know you say you don't like the thought of being single - it's hard at first but you would really be better off than in a relationship that isn't right for you. Do you really want your LO being brought up with him around and his behavior?

Are things really over with you and your husband this second time around? Does he still text you etc?

My relationship went through a huge strain too. Your husband may of just been confused whilst texting both, prob just wanted the attention / companionship like you say you did with this other guy. If you both want it to work then maybe its worth trying relationship counseling? Sometimes these strains push people apart even when it isn't what you really want.

 

[Feltzy]

I agree with Kte, you don't sound like you are really happy with this new man, and its a new relationship, if its like this now then how will it be in the future? If I was you then I would either stay single for a while or try to patch your marriage up. You and your husband could agree to draw a line under everything thats happened and start over again if you still want to be with him? Me and my OH had similar issues when we got together, we had a split and both saw other people and then got back together. I then found out that as we were starting to patch things up he had been texting his ex asking for her back. It was really hard to put it behind me but I think he just wanted some attention like Kte said. Its all forgotten about now!

Please don't be with someone just for the sake of being with someone, it won't make you happy in the long run, I've been there!

 

[vegasbaby]

All of these relationships seem to be adding stress to your already stressful situation. I agree with both of the ladies above. First, if you don't see a future with the bf then you need to part ways sooner than later. If he was contributing to you by offering lots of help and support I would keep him, but this does not sound like the case.

As far as your husband goes, perhaps you should keep the door open, but proceed cautiously. I know things have been tough with all that you have been through and are continuing to go through with your daughter and if your husband is willing to support you emotionally and be there for his daughter then perhaps you should allow it. Try not to set your expectations too high. He may have another relationship that he needs to figure out what he wants to do with. I think even under the best circumstances a baby coming into the picture is hard on men. The attention shifts from them to the baby. Since you separated your husband has found someone who will give him her undivided attention and I think it is hard for a man to decide if he wants that life or life with his family. So with that says he may be conflicted and need a bit of time to decide what is right. I know you want companionship, but you deserve to have someone you really love and who returns that love. Your husband may return to you or may not so try not to let yourself get too hurt in the process. You have so much else to focus on at the moment. I hope everything works out and mostly I hope your daughter recovers soon.

 

[SummersMummyx]

Havent read all the replies, but read the orginal posted from Olivias_Mum.
God i feel for you
you must be so emotional as it is, what with Olivia being in hospital & everything.
I totally dont blame you for being confused and wanting to try again with your husband.
-I'm kind of going through the same with summers dad.
I want the perfect family, but i don't think hes ready to settle down.

My advise would be try to find yourself first, enjoy olivia on your own, let what happens, happens. I know its tough, but you'll be strong on your own and soon see that you dont really need anyone excpt your daughter!

 

[coccyx]

i would get rid of the parasitic bf.

 

[MUMOF5]

I think that your baby should be the main point of focus at the moment, I would personally get some space from both of them. It doesnt sound as if you care for the boyfriend and he doesnt seem to care or respect you and Olivia very much , sounds like a dosser to me. If you are on your own for a while then maybe you will realise what it is you want. There is no point being with someone just for the sake of it. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. There are worst things in life than being a single mum (I know, ive been there ). xx

 

[Dopeyjopey]

FOB is pretty much like your bf. I decided to stay single once Albert got here and that was definitely right for me. I'd suggest trying to be on your own for a while, concentrate on what's best for you and Olivia and eventually the right path will become clear.

I hope Olivia has a speedy recovery and you manage to sort everything out x

 

[hancake100]

Awwww hun
You sound like you are going through so much atm and it must be really tough
This new bf doesnt seem to be making you very happy though and just adding more stress on top of the stress that you are already going through. I know you said you dont like being alone but if you got rid of him and not having him dragging you down dont you think that, that alone will lift a little off your stress.

Are things really over with your husband?? I know things can go a bit funny when a lo comes along and with what you are going through with Olivia being very poorly must not be very easy for either of you. I know me and my oh went through a tough time since lo was born but after giving it time and a break we are back on track and better than ever.

If you husband still see's that you have this bf there then he will prop feel pushed away and that you have moved on kind of thing.

If I were you I would keep the useless bf to the curb consentraite on Olivia and be strong for her and keep the door open with you husband and you never know things might come together. But that is just my opinion hun, Do what you feel will make you happy in the long run!!

Really hope everything workd out for you and get well soon Olivia

 

[MotherBeth]

I'd stay single, girlfriend. You have your baby --- you can focus on raising her to be happy and healthy instead of focusing on the guys.

Remember, you don't want her to get attached to a man who'll later leave. And neither of these fellows sound like good long-term bets.

If I were you, I'd only let a man into her life if you were sure he's faithful, helpful, and forever.

Otherwise, I'd start devoting my life just to her.

Just my opinion!

 

[Jolinar]

I'd stay single, girlfriend. You have your baby --- you can focus on raising her to be happy and healthy instead of focusing on the guys.

Remember, you don't want her to get attached to a man who'll later leave. And neither of these fellows sound like good long-term bets.

If I were you, I'd only let a man into her life if you were sure he's faithful, helpful, and forever.

Otherwise, I'd start devoting my life just to her.

Just my opinion!

Couldn't have put it better myself

I really hope your LO has a speedy recovery

 

[New2Bumps]

Please don't be with someone just for the sake of being with someone, it won't make you happy in the long run.

Exactly.

Totally agree with what Mother Beth said also.

Being on your own with your little girl is exactly what you need to do, if you possibly can. It might be daunting, but you will gain so much strength, confidence, security from being on your own, and then you will be in a much better place to meet a man you deserve - whether that be your initial man or not. If you're single, you will get your head straight, and hopefully be better able to work out who and what you and your baby need and want.

Easier said than done, but imo you should be on your own right now, even if it's only for a month...

 

[honeygrl]

I would definitely drop them both and focus on baby for a little while. They are both adding to the stress you are already under and you don't need that at all. Being alone can be hard at first but give it a little time and you will learn to enjoy it! Don't let the stupid men drag you down. There are lots of way better men out there and you will eventually come across one if you are patient. No reason to settle for one of the jerks until then or you may miss the good one when he comes along.