Inconsolable LO when wakes up for night feeds

[MrsChezek]

My 3.5 month LO has developed this new pattern of screaming when she wakes up for feeds. Basically, she starts grunting and whining and chewing on her hands in the middle of the night. Initially, we ignored her in hopes of her falling back asleep but after about 10 minutes, she would start crying. She yells out "lei" when she is hungry and wants boob and she does this as part of the grunting/whining part. But if left untouched, she begins to wail very very hard. So since ignoring her didn't work, we decided to try to pick her up as soon as she starts whining and grunting as to catch her before she gets all worked up. Unfortunately, as soon as we pick her up, she starts screaming as if she's being skinned alive. Seems we lose either way!

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this and if it was only a phase that went away on its own or if you had to do something about it. I am not sure what we did to cause this new pattern but it is SO frustrating. Not only are we exhausted and upset about being woken up in the middle of the night after she had been sleeping through until 5/6am the previous weeks, but now we're being yelled at. The screaming doesn't stop until the second she latches. But usually we have to change her diaper first so it's hard to listen to her scream through this. We've tried just rushing through and giving her boob asap but she continued to do this night after night. Finally, we've started to try to teach her that she can't yell so we put her down back in the crib if she is yelling and talk to her about how she has to stop crying so hard, but nothing is working. Last night DH let her "cry it out" for 10 minutes and she didn't stop at all...so he finally picked her back up and as soon as she latched, she stopped crying. I just don't understand!

I'm super stressed by this. I worry that if we let her cry, we're going to make her think we don't love her; yet if we respond with giving her boob when she cries so hard, I feel like we're reinforcing the crying! Any advise would be great...

 

[ladysarcasma]

My baby does this too. I couldn't even believe how hard he screamed and he'd turn his face red! He does it now whenever I put him down after I've been holding him all day. I kind of came to the conclusion that he's really going to have to be able to deal with being put down...y'know...ever. He also does it if he wakes up from a deep sleep. It doesn't take him long to go from zero to intense.

So I tried to let him go and see how long it lasted. If he can see me, he will not stop until I pick him up. OK well maybe he would but I felt bad for him and picked him up within a couple minutes. BUT if he can't see me (like if I'm sitting behind him or outside the door), he will fall back to sleep within usually a minute or two. It's just going that entire minute or two of heart-wrenching pity you feel for the poor screaming baby that's the problem.

In DS's case, it's because he's very tired and something woke him up. He would like to be fed until he falls asleep again, but I do know I've caused that habit to get out of control, as my 3 month old is eating 6-8 ounces per feeding when he's tired.

I hope this helped at all. If not, good luck. I know you'll find what works for you.

 

[fieryphoenix]

I would just hurry through the diaper change (or skip it) and get her fed. At 3.5 months old they don't get being reasoned with lol, just feed her and her sleep pattern will change again no worries! oh, wanted to add, my lo still wakes up 2-3 times every night to be fed, so she's not doing to badly

 

[RoseArcana]

I think it could be a combination of starting to become more aware of surroundings and a bit of sleep regression maybe?

I think we went through a similar phase but my LO had trouble with her wind too. Just keep doing what your doing and it will pass! X

 

[MrsChezek]

I really hope it passes as I just am at my wits end with the screaming. I really don't mind getting up several times in the night to feed her as I know breast milk doesn't last them as long and if she's hungry, it's my job to feed her. I understand that and I really don't mind it. BUT it's the screaming that makes me go insane! It makes me nauseas and high strung and literally my hands start to shake and I become a fumbling mess. This morning, I yelled at her cause she just kept screaming I felt awful after and couldn't go back to sleep. It takes me an hour to fall back asleep anyway cause her crying gets me so upset...

She does this after her naps too when we're in public...at home, she's usually distractable but when we're out and about and she decides she wants boob or no longer wants to be in the stroller she just starts screaming. There is no whining or any other signs just goes from zero to full on screaming. It's awful

I really do hope it passes soon...and that this isn't simply her temperament...

 

[ThinkPositiv]

Hey there. Have you mentioned it to the doctor? Maybe reflux?

I totally understand where you are coming from. My lo was colicky and has reflux! The part about her sounding like she's being skined alive made me laugh - cuz that's exactly what it sounds like!!!

I was house bound, or only left with my sister for the first 12 weeks - the screaming would come on suddenly and if I had to feed her she usually screamed murder for 20-40 minutes after! I would feed her in my car and always planned a quick escape route, but the anxiety killed me. My lo was diagnosed with reflux so the cause may be different but the screaming I can relate.

Yes, I have yelled at my little one, twice now and been so hard on myself for doing so.
For Recommendations I would just skip the diaper, unless she currently had a rash and remember there are good days and bad, and usually more good.

Hang in there.

 

[Impet Limpet]

I could have written that post myself, my LO is now 5 months and still does it! We've ruled out everything except him being overtired and wanting boobying back to sleep, or he is OMG I'M SO STARVING HUNGRY FEED ME.RIGHT.THIS.SECOND!
I express milk for when he is with grandparents for a couple of hours, but they are away so last night I had DH give him his bedtime feed at about 8pm and he faffed and only took 1.5oz, then he woke screaming at just before midnight and wouldn't calm down so I tried him with the leftover milk (didn't take him out of the cot until I burped him at tyhe end)and he took the remaining 6oz and slept til 5am.
I'm wondering if he isn't that hungry for his bedtime feed and then decides he is so starving cos his last big feed was 7 he's before.

Good luck and if you do find out what causes it do left us know!!

 

[MrsChezek]

So 2 days ago she started to sleep through the night again! AND when she's woken up after many hours of sleep she's just been chilling in the crib chomping on her hands and making funny sounds - no crying. Go figure!!! Not sure what caused the switch but I'll take it. She still cries before her evening feeds but that's cause she's tired and grumpy and it's not as hard as she cried earlier...perhaps it was a growth spurt and a mental leap that is now over?

 

[ThinkPositiv]

That's great news! Usually once they have been doing something for several days such as sleeping through the night, they will usually go back to that pattern despite interruptions. Glad to hear things are going well again

 

[MrsChezek]

That's great news! Usually once they have been doing something for several days such as sleeping through the night, they will usually go back to that pattern despite interruptions. Glad to hear things are going well again

Thank you for your very kind post She woke up at 2am two nights ago but I think it was cause she was cold. We were testing out a new GroBag and I guess 1 tog is too thin for her. Put her back into the fleece Halo Sleepsac last night and she slept nearly 11 hours through! I pray she continues to sleep well...

Of course now that she's sleeping through the night, I am having a hard time falling back asleep when she cries out in her sleep or wakes up and fusses for a bit in the night...so I'm getting less sleep than before!

 

[ThinkPositiv]

Glad to hear things are good.
Yes I finally was able to sleep after a few weeks of my lo sleeping through the night until she started rolling! Now she rolls onto stomach and sleeps and I'm always checking on her! Sometimes she gets her arm stuck under her and calls out!

That's great news! Usually once they have been doing something for several days such as sleeping through the night, they will usually go back to that pattern despite interruptions. Glad to hear things are going well again

Thank you for your very kind post She woke up at 2am two nights ago but I think it was cause she was cold. We were testing out a new GroBag and I guess 1 tog is too thin for her. Put her back into the fleece Halo Sleepsac last night and she slept nearly 11 hours through! I pray she continues to sleep well...

Of course now that she's sleeping through the night, I am having a hard time falling back asleep when she cries out in her sleep or wakes up and fusses for a bit in the night...so I'm getting less sleep than before!