Infedelity and TTC after loss

[ashleyalw]

So I dont know where to post this. We found out we were pregnant on 3-14 after ttc for 22 months. I thought everything was good between us but I guess I was wrong. On 3-26 I found my husband making out with another woman. I lost my baby the next day. We are trying to work it out but I cant get the cheating out of my head. And he has a whole list of things hes unhappy with in our relationship. Anyway.... we both have fertility issues and go to see a specialist on 4-20. My window to have kids is closing quickly. If it were you would you start ttc with him again?
We did know the other woman. We actually met her as a couple in October and our husbands work together. We live in a small town and have already run into her once. It kills me to see her. I just dont know what to do. I love my husband and daughter so much and dont want to lose our family but how do I trust him again?

 

[JPARR01]

So I dont know where to post this. We found out we were pregnant on 3-14 after ttc for 22 months. I thought everything was good between us but I guess I was wrong. On 3-26 I found my husband making out with another woman. I lost my baby the next day. We are trying to work it out but I cant get the cheating out of my head. And he has a whole list of things hes unhappy with in our relationship. Anyway.... we both have fertility issues and go to see a specialist on 4-20. My window to have kids is closing quickly. If it were you would you start ttc with him again?
We did know the other woman. We actually met her as a couple in October and our husbands work together. We live in a small town and have already run into her once. It kills me to see her. I just dont know what to do. I love my husband and daughter so much and dont want to lose our family but how do I trust him again?

I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this.

I will give you my opinion on what you should do and I am NOT telling you that you should take my advice. You should do what you feel is right.

My opinion on what I would do - BEFORE even thinking about TTC again I would fix what is wrong. (how he mentioned how he has a whole list of things hes unhappy with in our relationship) and if it can be fixed then would move on to the next step. But, if it can not be fixed I would not TTC with him.

The trust thing is something that you will have to work on with him. Maybe going to talk to someone together or separate might help. You shouldn't have to wake up every day WONDERING what is going on.

I am sorry I am not that much help. Best of luck! xx

 

[jojo23]

so sorry for your loss hun.... and to be honest the last thing you need right now is the stress of your husband cheating on you, regardless of what problems are in your relationship it is just not acceptable that he did this while you were pregnant and ttc before that. i understand the trust issue is prob the biggest thing and having to see her is just awful. i really think it would be best to air out all of your issues with each other before ttc again. i think i would also have a word with this woman and let her know that its just not right for her to have done that and if it happens again you'll have no hesitiation in letting her husband know!!! its hard enough losing a little baby without all this extra pressure!! hope you'll be ok hun and my thoughts are with you xxxxxxx

 

[Mellybelle]

I'm a nasty b*tch. You probably dont want to know what I think you should do. But I can guarantee it doesnt involve staying calm when you see the other woman.

Does your husband still want to TTC?

 

[ashleyalw]

Thank you ladies. We are going to the fertility specialist and genetic counselor tomorrow. Yes he does still want to ttc but Im having 2nd thoughts. I want to wait until our relationship is stronger but I also want to be pregnant by August. Im so completely lost and hate that he did this to me and our daughter.

 

[JulianasMommy]

So sorry you are going through this!!! I agree with fixing what is wrong before ttc again. I know you want to be pregnant by August, but if things dont work out would you want to have two of his children??

 

[JoanaGoldman]

Ashely,

I am sorry to hear what you went through. It is terrible.

Regarding the advise, i can only say how i see this from outside. I would never have a baby with somebody i do not trust. The reason is that when i was a child, my parents had lots of issues but they never divorced. Believe me, so many times i wanted them to live apart as i did not enjoy the atmosphere at all. How do you see your relationship with a man that you do not trust already?

And you said it yourself...you live in a small town where people know each other and where you will see this woman often. Are you gonna be able to forget? and the most important, are you gonna be able to BE HAPPY AGAIN?

What i would do is a major change in my life. Maybe it means to leave the town or just change something you are not happy with at the moment. But do not compromise.

Good luck.

 

[petitpas]

Honey, why the august deadline? I don't feel you are giving yourself enough time to work this out. If you rush into things there is a substantial risk that your husband will play away again (regardless of who with) and then what will you do? It will be hard enough to talk to each other and try to work things out without the added pressure of ttc or even fertility treatment.
You say you are having second thoughts. Listen to your gut and don't let anyone husband or doctor) rush you into another pregnancy!