Infertility? Who knows how much?

[Rhapsodi]

So we've been married for 5years. We've been TTC since (some NTNP breaks but never preventing). Anyways 2 years ago we decided to pursue adoption (but still trying). We hVe been foster parents to my nephews for about 20months now. My mom use to constantly say things about grand kids. Since we have had the boys it's stopped. My SILs know as do close friends. But our parents although they probably have some idea don't know of our issues. I don't want to tell my mom because she is one of those that will do the research and tell your what your doing wrong then tell everyone. I want to keep it private. However, since we will be stepping it up with our efforts it may become more obvious.

How do you keep it private? I also work for a small company and privacy is not easily obtained especially if time off is needed. (I'm guessing I'll need surgery so giving an excuse without being obvious will be a challenge.)

I'd love your perspective.

 

[Myshelsong]

Hi, I understand what you are saying with work.
Because I also work in a small office and had to request days off for some procedures I had no choice but to come clean and let my boss and co-workers know. Let me say it was a hard conversation to have however I am glad I did. Everyone was understanding and when some things come up and I leave the room no one asks why because they know.
Don't know if that helps .... Good luck

 

[Rhapsodi]

It's more clients than anything. I go to families home to work with their kids. I don't think it would be professional nor appropriate to tell the truth.

But maybe we will just have to bit the bullet and tell family.

 

[bunyhuny]

Don't want to read and run, but I have no idea how to keep it private. DH and I went the other way and created a FB page dedicated to our IF/IVF journey. We even set up a way for friends and family to donate to our treatments and raised $1000 towards our first round last year. Honestly, I've really appreciated all the support. No one tried to give us any advice on how to "fix" our IF, probably because I opened up and talked about our medical diagnosis. No position or timing is going to fix PCOS.

 

[Emmi]

I think it's so hard to get the balance - it's hard journey and sometimes I want to scram from the rafters what I am going through and on other days, I just don't want to talk to anyone. I can understand not wanting to tell work colleagues but maybe explain your situation to your family and say that in general you don't want to talk about it but will offer information if and when there is anything to update. At work - well if you need direct time off then your line manager should respect that as a medical and private issue, no-one else need know.

Love that idea bunyhuny - I think dealing with it that way just means there is nothing awkward about it and you get the support and love that you need.

 

[Rhapsodi]

I like the FB idea for friends/family. I think I might just have to leave info out to keep it private. More to think about.

 

[bunyhuny]

I like the FB idea for friends/family. I think I might just have to leave info out to keep it private. More to think about.

You can always start a private group and only invite the people you want seeing the info.

 

[Rhapsodi]

So I came across this blog post.

https://natepyle.com/the-disgrace-of-infertility/

It has really giving me the courage to share more. I will not be ashamed! So I've decided I'm going to start a blog to post things to. Not all my family has FB so I figure this would be a good way to make it public but not necessarily the constant thing to talk about at family gatherings.

Thank you all too. If it wasn't for you too I don't know if I could do this.

 

[bunyhuny]

So I came across this blog post.

https://natepyle.com/the-disgrace-of-infertility/

It has really giving me the courage to share more. I will not be ashamed! So I've decided I'm going to start a blog to post things to. Not all my family has FB so I figure this would be a good way to make it public but not necessarily the constant thing to talk about at family gatherings.

Thank you all too. If it wasn't for you too I don't know if I could do this.

Good luck with the blog! DH and I put together a blog as well as our FB page, but I could never remember to log in to blogger to update it more than a few times.

And I agree, don't EVER be ashamed about having IF.

Here is my FB page if you want to see it: https://www.facebook.com/destiBABYivf

 

[Keeda]

Completely private, nobody other than my OH and my doc know about the process. Way too much pressure, plus with the prognosis of unexplained infertility, the less others know the easier it is. I have to field questions of when are you guys gonna have babies, but that's easier than answering why hasn't it worked yet and the unsolicited advice that comes with it.

 

[mod19]

We've JUST started the infertility journey after three years. Had my blood drawn for the first time Tuesday and my first procedure for the hsg next month when a new cycle starts. I've finally been able to open up to my parents and coworkers. My mom said to keep her updated and everyone at work has been supportive. Tuesday when I told my boss I needed to take an extended lunch to go for lab work no questions were asked. She knew we were trying but didn't know for how long until I broke down to her one day and had a good cry. Opening up and letting people know what's going on has suprisingly felt like a hugh weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now when I get off the phone with the nurse and I'm crying a little they ask what she said this time and incourage me to press on instead of bombarding me with "what's wrong?" The more people I tell the easier it gets to talk about.

I understand you not wanting to tell your mom though. I can't tell either of my sisters for two reasons: the one I know I can talk to will surely tell the one I don't want to tell, and the one I can't tell is because I know she will blab to EVERYONE because she can't keep her big mouth shut! I'm sure I'll eventually say something to one or the other, or my mom or dad eventually will, but now is not the time.

 

[amy8686]

I've been pretty open with friends and family and it has been helpful for us. First, because they are supportive and we don't feel so alone with this huge stressful situation in our lives. But also, it has cut down on the pressure. Those who know are no longer asking when we're going to have kids, pressuring us for grandbabies, etc. There are a few who will ask how things are going, but they're respectful not to push for details. When they ask, it's more about how we're coping than "has it worked yet." And if anyone does push along the "has it worked yet" lines, we're comfortable explaining that we don't want to share details because it's too much pressure, and we'll share news when we have news.

Work is trickier, of course. I've been lucky enough to do all of the big stuff over summers (I'm a teacher), but I'm prepared to talk to my principal if it becomes necessary. I hear you on the clients thing, because I also teach students at home, and I will need to take some time off from that for IVF. I think I will just be vague and communicate that I need to take some time off, and tell them when I'll be returning. Hopefully people will respect boundaries and not ask questions?