Insensitive B*stards

[Miss Mitch]

Hello ladies,

I'm looking on here as my good friend is ltttc and I wanted to c if I could get any advice for her off of here. I've gone through it with her, and although of course i'll never understand what you ladies are/have gone through, I can see how some of you would see some pregnant ladies as selfish with their news. BUT, when I told my friend (we promised we would) it took alot for me to tell her, I wanted to work out the right way to say it without sounding like a heartless bitch but too also be happy about it. And do you know what? She was brilliant about it and talks about it more than me! Please don't tar us all with the same brush, we're not all the same I promise! I wish all of you the best of luck with ttc, and I hope all of you have your baby dreams come true! x

 

[MariaF]

Im really worried about telling my LTTTC friends

Because the emotions of how it felt when others told me are still way too raw
I know I won't be able to hide it forever but I just can't bring myself to tell any of them. I just keep concentrating on their problems and ignore questions about myself...

I think what your "friend" did was very silly and incensitive. If you were unlikely to see her why did she feel the need to blurt it out??? Yes, of course if you saw her in a few months you'd notice the bump but then she woudn't have to announce it so cheerfully! She could just say Sorry I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you!

Im really sorry you are feeling so low

 

[cooch]

Hello ladies,

I'm looking on here as my good friend is ltttc and I wanted to c if I could get any advice for her off of here. I've gone through it with her, and although of course i'll never understand what you ladies are/have gone through, I can see how some of you would see some pregnant ladies as selfish with their news. BUT, when I told my friend (we promised we would) it took alot for me to tell her, I wanted to work out the right way to say it without sounding like a heartless bitch but too also be happy about it. And do you know what? She was brilliant about it and talks about it more than me! Please don't tar us all with the same brush, we're not all the same I promise! I wish all of you the best of luck with ttc, and I hope all of you have your baby dreams come true! x

I'm only talking about one person!! There are a lot of people I would be over the moon for. You and your friend are obviously close and have a great relationship. The person I'm talking about is a distant friend, we were close years ago but haven't been for the last 3 and have seen each other twice this year although we are still in touch. I wish her well with her pregnancy and no harm at all, but I was pissed with the rush to tell me, with what I'm going through and dealing with the aftermath of my operation. I had made it clear to her I didn't want to talk but she went right ahead. It was her lack of consideration that has really put me out. I would never do that to someone. Good luck with your pregnancy. x

 

[cooch]

Im really worried about telling my LTTTC friends

Because the emotions of how it felt when others told me are still way too raw
I know I won't be able to hide it forever but I just can't bring myself to tell any of them. I just keep concentrating on their problems and ignore questions about myself...

I think what your "friend" did was very silly and incensitive. If you were unlikely to see her why did she feel the need to blurt it out??? Yes, of course if you saw her in a few months you'd notice the bump but then she woudn't have to announce it so cheerfully! She could just say Sorry I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you!

Im really sorry you are feeling so low

That's really admirable how you are feeling towards others. Make sure you take care of yourself though. Everyone is different about how they would prefer to hear their friends news. I personally was happy she passed her news on via message as I had already had a meltdown the same week and think I would have broken down over the phone. I know absolutely no one who is LTTC, in fact I thought I was safe as no one is even TTC!! If I'm honest- she could have told me last month and I possibly would have been ok about it. But this has been one hell of a couple of weeks.

I do agree, that we should be happy for our friends, but sometimes when we are in such a bad place its not really possible to accept other people's joy when we are 'grieving'.

Maria- I know you will be kind to your friends. xx

 

[MariaF]

Oh cooch - you don't have to tell me about feelings about others' good news I was one of them LTTTC'ers who didn't take it very well at all
Even if another girl was LTTTC I still felt like a kick in the stomach when they announced the good news....So I totally get how you feel.

You look after yourself and don't worry about your friend - to me it sounds like she can very well look after herself!

 

[Miss Mitch]

I know you were, but there were other comments about us rubbing it in others faces which I know other women do, and that is awful and selfish, but I assure you I am NOT like that! I worry all the time about others, I actually have 3 friends who have pcos, 2 of whome are ltttc, and 1 who was lucky anough to fall pregnant with both her children after a few months, I even wrote down the scenario in my head of how I would tell them! lol. I think it is shitty that anyone should ever be ltttc, when there are women that get pregnant all over the world and don't even want their babies! You're 'friend' sounds like a heartless horrible person and I totally agree with other posters that you should fob her of out of it! xx

 

[Sophe]

Im really worried about telling my LTTTC friends

Because the emotions of how it felt when others told me are still way too raw
I know I won't be able to hide it forever but I just can't bring myself to tell any of them. I just keep concentrating on their problems and ignore questions about myself...

I think what your "friend" did was very silly and incensitive. If you were unlikely to see her why did she feel the need to blurt it out??? Yes, of course if you saw her in a few months you'd notice the bump but then she woudn't have to announce it so cheerfully! She could just say Sorry I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you!

Im really sorry you are feeling so low

Hey Maria,

my only real life LTTC friend told me after 7 years she is pregnant today... i was shocked and she knew exactly how I would feel and i felt really uncomfortable because I didn't want her feeling bad around me she deserves it so much. Just be very honest and tell your LTTC friends you know how it feels, if they are real friends it will hurt at first but honestly deep down they will be happy, I am so happy for my friend and her DH, I had to stop myself buying them a pressie, she is 12 weeks today!! I will wait till babys safely here before I buy anything, shes very cautious.

I hope it goes well when you tell your friends and doesn't ruin any your friendships, i won't let it ruin mine with my pregnant friends they mean more to me than that and I hope one day it will be my turn and they will be there for me.

x

 

[MariaF]

Oh Sophe! That's so kind of you! You and your friend must have such a special relationship and I really hope you'll be pregnant with her very very soon!!!

 

[Sophe]

Thanks, I will not give up just yet!

 

[Sumaspikey]

We had the same problem with a couple we were supposed to be very close with, I mean, I'd been in tears with her before because it's been so hard so she knew exactly what we were going through....they try for a month, get knocked up, drag us over to their house, tell us, gloat about how easy it was for them and then ask us if we are "happy"!

Everyone's different but whilst some prefer face to face, my instant reaction was world falling apart around my ears and just wanting the earth to swallow me up....trying to keep all that in with a fake smile on my face until it was polite to leave was agony. And I didn't do a very good job of it either because they knew I was gutted. Which like someone else said is not a good thing for the preggers person either...no-one should have to feel bad about their getting pregnant before someone else, they haven't done it on purpose, it's just nature being incredibly cruel.

So for me, the best way to do it would have been a text or message, let me have my meltdown and time to be upset, then I can get back to being a good friend and being happy for them....as it is our relationship has never been the same and we now don't talk at all.

By the way, MariaF, I totally just burst into (happy) tears coz omg ur having a babyyyy!! Congratulations honey!! I've not been on here for a while but when I was a bnb addict I read ur posts etc and always hoped it would happen for you, so yaaaaay!

xxxx

 

[MariaF]

Awww! Thanks so much Suma! You can't even imagine HOW much I'd love for the rest of you can get those longed for BFPs!!!