Introducing Myself

[Gem_88]

Just wanted to introduce myself on this part of the forum. I didn't realise this section actually existed, but it's a relief to see and read other people's stories and know that I'm not actually alone in this.

So I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant and I have been with the FOB for 4 years. Ever since I announced my pregnancy, his reaction wasn't exactly what I had hoped. He seemed kind of excited at first, though I put down the lack of reaction to shock or something. Throughout the pregnancy, he has been unsupportive, has treated me like crap for a long time, been emotionally abusive and just generally been not a nice person.

He has not paid for one thing for our son throughout the pregnancy, I have paid for EVERYTHING. I asked to borrow 100 pounds from him to put towards a pram for our son and within a week he was demanding the money back from me. He has happily stood back and watched me pay for everything and had no conscious, even though he is the one working full time in a well paid job.

He is secretive about money, he earns an amazing wage, but yet his money disappears in no time and he has no explanation of where it goes and myself nor anyone else can work it out.

I had to fight to get him to find us somewhere to live. I am a University student at the moment, so up until this point I was still living at home. He didn't want to move out of his Dads (even though he is 29) and I really had to push to get him to make that commitment.

He is so awful with money that since we have moved in, there is no food in the cupboard and I am expected to pay for everything. We had a row recently and I went to stay back at home and he ignored me for over a week. I had no contact from him, even though I tried to text and call him to see if we could make it work. He didn't even want to check to see if the baby was still OK, knowing all the stress I had been going through from him. He was also aware that I was sleeping on the floor and made no attempt to make contact with me to try and sort things out.

There are sooo many issues in this relationship that have been going on since I've been pregnant, that this post would be an absolute essay (even more than it is now) so I won't go into detail because we would be here all night!

I have made the decision to go it alone and stay at home where I know we will be warm, fed, loved and taken care of.

For a long time I have been controlled by him and have let him have this hold over me and I don't know why. But I don't want my son to grow up seeing me be treated by his father that way, as he will then think it is acceptable to also treat me that way and other women he comes into contact with.

I have to do what is best for my son now and I need to be in a stable environment where he can have a happy childhood.

I feel frightened and apprehensive and it would be lovely to talk to other people in the same situation.

 

[daisygirl]

hey

i'm also doing it alone, i have a 2 year old already and he'll be 2 and half when his sister is born. me and the babys father separated for various reasons (which i wont bore with you) but as long as you have a supportive family around u, you'll be fine.

and youre right, it isnt right for your son to see his father treating his mum like that, it will effect him and he'll think it'll be ok to do the same in the future.

its better to be happy and with your son than be unhappy and controlled with your son. its hard but it gets easier

 

[18singlemom2b]

i'm in a similar situation i sent you a friend request.

 

[Gem_88]

Thankyou for your replies. It is a relief to know that other people understand how it feels. xxx

 

[whoops]

Welcome to this side of the forum!

It does sound like you'll be better off without him, hun. You deserve to be treated a lot better than he's been treating you! I moved home after finding out I was pregnant so that I could save up money and be around people who loved me, and I think it's the best thing I could have done for both me and my daughter.

It's scary going it alone but it sounds like your family are being supportive.

 

[AshOllie]

Hiya, same sort of situation here. FOB never wanted me to keep our child and was horrible to me after I told him I was not giving him up. We split up and he paid for hardly anything (which is why he can not borrow anything but the pram which he paid half for when he or mainly his parents look after him!) I had to go it alone and I am not going to lie, it is hard but it is also not as bad as I imagined it to be. My little boy makes me so happy that it totally makes up for not having a "perfect" family. I am sure you will be fine with your just your little boy and it sounds to me that you really don't need a guy like that in your life!

 

[Rhio92]

Hi, my situation's pretty similar
It's not easy, but sooo worth it!
Good luck!!! xxx

 

[carolyn_s]

welcome!!
xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[sweetlullaby]

Welcome :wave:
xx