Introducting LO to new partners - should it be discussed with other parent?

[suzanne108]

As it says in the title really

When introducing our children to new partners, should this be discussed with the other parent or not?

xx

 

[Mummyplus3]

I think so, It's common curtosy really. xx

 

[tanzarini]

Definitely. A new partner on either side can cause major upheaval in a childs life. Ive been having issues with my ex wanting his girlfriend to meet my twins and I am dead against it until they are older and their relationship can be considered long term. I also think that the other parent should meet the new partner first, mostly to put their mind at rest with regard to who is around their children. Just my opinion

 

[chels24uk]

Yes definatly. Ive already told my ex how its going to be with his girlfriend meeting our kids IF it happens. And ive said I will be doing the same. Id like to think if he was the parent with care that he'd respect me enough to talk to me about kids meeting his partner before doing it.

 

[suzanne108]

Thanks for your replies

I'm asking because I know that my LO has met FOBs new girlfriend today. I saw her in the car but when I asked him if he had someone with him he said no. I just wanted to check, before I speak to him about it, that I'm not being unreasonable. xx

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Given DSs dad's NASTY ex-wife, yes Id love to be included in knowing any and all new girlfriends/new wives.. but i wont be.

When I leave DH and if he gets a new girlfriend/wife, Id think hed be ok if i wanted to know her and I think hed def want to know a new guy in my life.

 

[chels24uk]

yeah id flip if my ex went behind my back and then LIED about having a girlfriend around my kids. Your not being unreasonable, you have a right to know who your kids are around x

 

[Boomerslady]

Thanks for your replies

I'm asking because I know that my LO has met FOBs new girlfriend today. I saw her in the car but when I asked him if he had someone with him he said no. I just wanted to check, before I speak to him about it, that I'm not being unreasonable. xx

Oooh cheeky little git. I hope you have proper words with him Suz, having Lola meet the GF is one thing, but lying about it, thats a whole new ball game.

As all the others have said, yes it should always be discussed before it happens.

Hope youre OK lovely. x

 

[billy2mm]

my ex inroduced our 2 year old to his new gf when we were still married!!! we werent even split up i had no idea!

he has no idea about my new man and never will seeing as what he did to me and my kids and the fact he has nothing to do with their lives.

if he was involved then yes i would have the courtesy to tell him i had a new man and he was in the kids lives but he wouldnt get a say in when he met him or how often he sees them. on the other hand i would have to get a say in if/when/how often the kids met/saw a new woman in his life coz 1)he goes through them faster than the kids go through pants when potty training!! and 2) i am the main carer and im the one to have to deal with the fall out should they not like her or have a disagreement or whatever.

 

[purpledahlia]

No if i met a guy and we were together a while, then id introduce him to LO if i considered he was sticking around, i wouldnt be consulting FOB but thats because hes not in her life at all, he doesnt support her in any way shape or form so its nothig to do with him he doesnt even see her - his choice.

So in my situation no, but it depends on each situ. if i were you suz id be furious... he has no respect.. hopefully he will understand when you speak to him. He cant confuse lola like that!

 

[jocelynmarie]

I think it all really depends on the situation.

I'm far from being in that situation as I won't be dating any time soon, but I've thought about it... I have lots of time to think these days!! I'm not sure yet what I'll do. I suppose to be courteous I will tell him when I'm at that stage, that I'll be introducing our child to a new man, but he has zero say in it. However, I feel its different for men... I know its not fair, but I think the mom definitely should have a say. Guys don't always have the best judgment when it comes to things like that. As mom's we don't want our children constantly around new relationships, men or women, but I don't think guys really get the seriousness of it.

 

[wishuwerehere]

Well I found out FOB had a new girlfriend on facebook and she was at his house a few times when I went to pick Issy up. TBH I wasn't too bothered as there are lots of people at his house all the time (student house share) so she was just another person to Issy. Plus they broke up after 3 months...
A long term girlfriend I'd like to hear about though!

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

no .. because i am the main career and thats good anuff for me to make the choice lol! .. part time dad can get lost hahah ..... i'm not really that unreasonable just every circumstance is different x

 

[emilylynn18]

Personally, if YOU are LO's main caregiver and FOB doesn't help support LO or see LO, or is just an all around POS, then no. I wouldn't talk to him about it at all.

I am seeing a new man now, and he met LO for the first time before he and I even started dating. We were friends first, and that's okay. Meeting your LO is different than spending alot of time together. If LO will be spending time with your new SO/BF then maybe I'd consider it.

Unfortunately for FOB, I don't give a rats ass if he has anything to say about it! He doesn't help support LO, can't be bothered to come see him, BUT he can keep his older son every single week on his days off AND pay his ex wife child support!!!! UUGGHH!!!

That's just my opinion though... I'm off my soapbox.

 

[mrs.beanz]

Inform? Yes...ask permission? No. I have been in this situation and shortly after the break up I was bitter and thought "oh hell no...you will never bring one of your gfs around my child!"
After a period of time though my thinking changed. Yes I do believe it is something to be discussed and discussed again if problems arise whether it be your child having problems with it or maybe there are too many people coming in and out of the picture. We do have to do what is best for our children but I had to get over my bitterness because while I felt like I was controlling my childs environment and I was doing what was best for her, I was also trying to control my ex through her...and to be honest if he told me that I couldnt introduce her to someone I would have been saying "oh no you didnt...!"
Every situation and break up is different and that all factors into it but in general I think its respectful to inform the other parent of something that affects the child you share.

 

[xJG30]

FOB Isn't on the scene so no.

 

[18singlemom2b]

absolutely.

 

[Becyboo__x]

Like a few has said it depends on your personal situation..

With me its No because FOB is not around and he already has another girlfriend and he isnt interested in seeing mason so he wouldnt care to who i was with etc .. But if he did see mason then i dont really know at first i wouldnt want him around mason when hes with his girlfriend but thats a whole different story me and her dont get on never have she lived near me my whole life and is a complete tramp and bitch and still is to this day as iv heard what shes said about me to other people.. But aswell because im masons main carer and parent i don't think it matters what i do if i meet someone then id tell him but i wouldnt go to the extreme and want them to meet they only need to know the basic of it xx

 

[18singlemom2b]

just to clarify; i meant in situations when both parents were involved and playing their roles to the best of their abilities!