irrational anger?

[juicyfruity]

my girl left nicu 3 weeks ago was readmitted with an infection and we're now back home again (she's 5 weeks now)

i'm finding it hard having her home, people constantly commenting on how tiny she is is reaaaaly getting on my nerves. i know it shouldnt it's not really offensive it just makes me feel so inadequate for not having a big healthy baby.

she's not prem enough to have an adjusted age so when people see this month old baby who isnt quite 6 pounds yet i just feel judged. constantly having to add "she was nearly 6 weeks premature"

i hate having this irrational anger about the 'tiny' thing it seems really dumb. i told my mum about it and she didnt seem to get it. i know i am doing my best feeding her and she IS growing (though with her reflux it adds to the worry) but i just wish i had been able to carry her full term.

 

[Saki]

I can appreciate what you are saying-i found it soul destroying when people (family included) commented on 'such a skinny little thing' and the fact that for reasons beyond control i couldnt carry him to term. But it is not your fault and you are doing your best for her.

Also regards her age, i do think you should appreciate the significance of her early arrival. Of course she was able to grow and develop more than a 24 or 30 weeker, but 6 weeks early is still early and these babies can still require some extra help (lungs, immune system, feeding & milestones etc) so dont pressure yourself or compare her.

I ended up screaming at mil for constantly trying to formula feed my child (even behind my back...!) and that he was 'starving' and honestly, that mini screeching fit made me feel heaps better!!! Get it out girl! Either at the mil, the post man or into a pillow xxx

 

[lozzy21]

Niamh was born at 35+4 and had an adjusted age untill she turned one, just tell people to piss off and stop being so nosey. Might make you feel a bit better.

 

[juicyfruity]

thanks ladies, really helps to let it out! i do feel when you have a prem there are so many thoughts and emotions and come with it that are hard for mothers of healthy full term babies to understand. logically i know the thoughts are irrational but i think on a instinctual motherly level the pain of having a premature (or sick) baby and feelings of inadeqacy. i think was also is adding to my irritability is the comments on my 'lucky' and 'easy labour' yes it was fast (2 hrs) but it was NOT easy! the pain of going from 1cms to 10 in an hour is NOT easy! the speed of it and not being able to hold LO afterwards made it feel all the worse, like the labour hadnt even happened. there was no time to process.
anyone who wants a quick labour should read about the dangers and complications. it is just as hard in a different way from a long labour.

LO is now nearly 6 weeks old and still around 6 pounds it worries me!!

 

[lozzy21]

But shes not 6 weeks old, in reality shes a newborn. I used to do that when DD was tiny, compare her to other babys born at the same time and i found things a lot easier when i started comparing her to babys who were born around her due date.