Irrational Concerns Re: Having more than one kid

[Mom.to.Many]

Hey y'all!

Officially entering into my 3rd trimester soon, I am beginning to worry about little things like, what if I don't bond with these babies as much as I did with my daughter? What if my daughter doesn't like being an older sister? What if there is not enough of me to go around and one of the kids begin to feel neglected? How do I find a way to divide 24 hours into enough time to play, feed, sleep, and spend time with my husband before I begin to loose it?

I really would appreciate any advice from women who have more than one child, or are preparing for additional children. What are/were your concerns and how did you make it work?

For the record... We will be welcoming home our twins late Jan/early Feb and have very little help. My husband works as much as possible (not that I am complaining) and my mother comes over from time to time. But my mother is very consumed with her own life and her own husband so I don't predict she will be here for anything more than to cuddle with the babies and critique my mothering. I cannot afford daycare so that is out of the question. I will have to do all of this with my 4 year old, alone, without much help. I am very scared that it cannot be done. I am not naturally crazy about children and I am afraid that I may not enjoy having this many... (I know how bad that sounds, but its a ligitimate concerns I am having right now).

Please help me! LOL

 

[hellohefalump]

*hugs* I think what you're feeling is very natural.

Once those babies are born, you will fall in love with them just the same as you love your daughter. Before Mojo was born I had so many worries, but it's been great having him around and he plays together with Madeleine, which is so lovely to watch.

 

[Tanikit]

I think your concerns are natural. I had my second child in February and it has taken a while to get used to having my 4 year old and the baby to look after also with no outside help, but it is manageable and there is enough love and time to go around plus with time and as the babies get older it gets easier

I am one of twins after my sister so my mother had a similar situation to you. Twins are more work and it will be tough at first so make sure your dh does help a lot and perhaps try to get the twins on the same schedule. As they get older they will entertain each other but the first year can be hard.

My 4 year old has shown some jealousy but loves he sister and I cannot imagine life without my two girls now. You'll be fine.

 

[JASMAK]

totally normal to feel that way...and don't worry..you will feel the same as with your first. I actually cried as I held my sleeping son and said 'sorry' just a few days my daughter was born...I thought I had even made a mistake!! I was so worried. But, as soon as I had Makena...everything was great.

 

[Mom.to.Many]

totally normal to feel that way...and don't worry..you will feel the same as with your first. I actually cried as I held my sleeping son and said 'sorry' just a few days my daughter was born...I thought I had even made a mistake!! I was so worried. But, as soon as I had Makena...everything was great.

OMG, I totally did that too!!! Maybe it was my hormones, but I remember holding my daughter while she slept. I apologized and started crying because I felt like I ruined her life. I thought, here she has everything she wants and everyone around her loves her and she doesn't have to share that with anyone else... and I ruined it.

But my husband made a good point. He said, "we are giving her something more valuable than any toy she owns. We are making a family, and she will always have someone to go through this world with... no matter what." It made me feel a little better, but I still get choked up here and there because I can't imagine myself being "Mom" to anyone else.

I know my heart will melt once these guys are born. Every flip and kick I feel makes me feel a little closer to them. Maybe I felt more bonded with my daughter because I didn't have anything else distracting me from the experience? Its a little hard to revel in the miracle of life when I have a 4 year old bossing me around the house demanding snacks and lullabies and back scratches. LOL

Oh, if I didn't have you girls, I think I would go nuts! Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[JASMAK]

vent away!!!

 

[Tanikit]

Ah, you'll be fine - sounds like you have a regular 4 year old - mine is also bossing me around day and night. Needless to say though she adores her sister - last night she woke up in a fright and came running to our room saying that she had dreamt our dog had killed her sister (by sitting on her) - she wanted to make sure her sister was ok - she said she loved her sister and wanted her to be around always. While she had clearly been frightened by her dream, it was so sweet to see the love and conern she is showing towards her - so we get jealousy and wanting to push her sister off my lap at times and a deep concern and love and wanting to play with her sister too.

You'll be fine - make sure you take plenty of photos of all three of them together!