is anyone feeling over protective of their LO?

[madcatwoman]

A few people on here know that i have a problem with my MIL, shes kinda frightened me away with crazy baby things shes been saying (y'know,the sort of things which makes you think the person has a blurred line between the baby being theirs and it actually being yours).

Anyway, im just feeling really protective already!!, and when is here and she starts asking to hold him i know i'll have to let her but its really going to grate on me something awful.

Dh and I also agreed that when we're all settled that its important that we still have one date night...(which will be a few hrs at the cinema as we do now). Theres no-one on my side of the family to baby sit, so it all boils down to MIL who will be gagging to do it. How an earth am i going to leave my baby with her for our date?(i said i would, but that was before she came out with all this crazy stuff).

How am i going to let go? anyone been like this?. id be fine with FIL(but hes just not into baby sitting) or BIL/SIL(but they lost a baby at 13 weeks when i was 13 weeks, its rubbing it in if we ask them).

 

[kes_a]

Oh i can relate to this and feel the same about my MIL.shes come out with all sorts or crazy things that has made me question if she realises whos baby it is.(the main one which i will never forget telling us baby will sleep in her room with her and shes going to co sleep with him when we go visit)
i finally had the courage to talk to hubby the other day and told him i was abit uncomfortable about her looking after baby as shes not a spring chicken anymore and cant evan pick things up off the floor easily and struggles walking up the stairs with out getting out of breath.so how will she beable to easily and safely do simple things with baby.i really dont want her keeping him up on the sofa with her because she cant get to the floor in case he rolls off.she cant evan carry a moses basket with a few bags of nappies in with out dropping a pack.

 

[Jenner]

I totally understand! Some MIL get that "I'm the grandma so I can do what I want" kind of attitude. DRIVES ME NUTS! I am completely over protective. She would always doing things with my kids that I wasn't okay with. Trying to feed them their first sweets, bouncing them on her knee when they were tiny etc. I have just basically had to be blunt and stay away as much as possible for the first year or so. Shes really nice and all but they are my kids and I want things done my way.

If you are breastfeeding I would just take the baby to the movie with you for a while. Thats what we have done they usually sleep through most of it then you just feed if they wake up. Good luck its so hard when other people want to help but not in the manner that you would like!

 

[madcatwoman]

yes, like you say things have also changed, in her day it was safe for a baby to sleep on its front, i know she wont like me telling her its now only safe on their backs, she has dogs too- and their good as gold, wouldnt hurt a fly - but you just dont know, and i know she wont like me saying "dont leave the baby alone with the dogs, even if youre just going to the loo".
I couldnt see DH letting me take our baby to the pictures though.

I have spoken to him and he is aware of the things she has said, some of which im not happy about.

 

[Jenner]

Thats so hard, it sometimes just takes time and teaching people your expectations. Just don't let anyone let you feel pressured into things you are uncomfortable with. I have been there and you don't need that anxiety. There is nothing wrong with being over protective. Nobody will ever love or care for that baby as much as you do!!!! I really don't leave my babies with anyone for the first year and then at that its my mother because I know she will listent to my wishes!

 

[madcatwoman]

Thats so hard, it sometimes just takes time and teaching people your expectations. Just don't let anyone let you feel pressured into things you are uncomfortable with. I have been there and you don't need that anxiety. There is nothing wrong with being over protective. Nobody will ever love or care for that baby as much as you do!!!! I really don't leave my babies with anyone for the first year and then at that its my mother because I know she will listent to my wishes!

maybe i am just going to have to put my point accross if im really not comfortable with, i know i will have to do this at some point, but if im not ready then i guess i'll have to explain to DH, he loves his mum to bits so theres the risk of offending him, but i guess i'll have to cross that bridge.
Its not that i wouldnt be able to leave my baby with someone, its just MIL and her strange attitudes which is why i already have created distance between us, all the weird stuff started coming out of her mouth when i was 16 weeks, ive backed off!.

 

[momofmister]

Oh boy can I relate...I have an older MIL well is only in her 50's but acts like she is 70. When I had my DS she was all over him....even called her self Mommy...to which I just shook my head...it was like oh come see mommy I mean (memere - French for Grandma) it drove me nuts. When he would cry she would hover over my shoulder and do the flinch like she was going to take him out of my arms. Tried to insist I use burp clothes instead of receiving blankets. Would always try to inspect his boy bits to make sure we were cleaning him proper. Would just drive me nuts with trying to be the mom and not the grandma. I was pretty protective of him too.

That being said when they are very young I just do it my way...and tell her that. After my DS turned one and was walking and talking I was able to let go a bit and allow her to do more things with him. I wasn't as worried that he would get hurt and he knew who mommy was and always came to me before her. Now he is almost three and can tell her what he wants, when and how. I am totally relaxed now when we go over as I laid the ground rules early on....they now ask me if he can have a cookie, or candy, or what ever. We get them to babysit often as they are always available. It took a lot for me to realize that they would do anything for DS and wouldn't let anything bad happen to him.

So my advise is to make sure you tell her how you feel when things come up. Even just a little no I like it this way or that way. Nothing harsh, or no he will sleep in his cot when we visit....leave nothing up for debate. You don't have to argue with her or sugar coat things but just plain and simple nope this way is how it will be and carry on. She will get the hint. As your LO get older it really does get easier to let certain things go, trust me.

 

[madcatwoman]

momofmister, thankyou. yes, i know its all about ground rules i guess and putting my footdown, which isnt a problem but i am quite a firm person.
i just need to get over the initial thing if leaving him in her care (one day).

 

[momofmister]

Once you get over the first leaving of LO it does get easier each time you do it....Even if the first time is just 10 minutes and you run out and grab a coffee and come back. I actually left DS one of the first times with MIL and ran and got a quick hair cut...max 20mins. I was a wreck but did it. I am going to be the same when this next one comes out (2 weeks) my MIL has already started the samething she did when DS was almost here. Drives me nuts...but have learned to deal with her in my own way.

You will be fine.... and don't ever feel guilty for your feelings its your baby and you need to do whats best.

 

[Marlarky]

Im like this too! Shes the type who will just do whatever she wants with LO, as you mentioned like with sweets and stuff. I know she'll be giving him bottles of water and cow milk and stuff and thats a BIG no-no in my book. And I agree how things were so different back in that day, both DH and I slept on our tummies because that was normal back then. Neither my mom nor MIL will be allowed to do that and I know they are going to have a problem with that because they think that they know everything. Well things have changed but they are stubborn and wont listen. Im just going to put my foot down, but DH is a mommy's boy so he will pry let her do whatever she wants. WELL NOT ME!!

 

[Srrme]

I can relate. I felt that way during my pregnancy, and now that my baby is home and out of the NICU I am beyond protective of him. My MIL is the same way, and always calls him her baby boy, it drives me absolutely nuts! She's always complaining that I don't let her see him enough or hold him, but she doesn't ever listen to a thing I say! The few times I have let her see him, she wakes up him (AFTER I tell her NOT to) and touches him all over the place. I haven't let anyone other than my husband's Grandma hold him, and it's going to stay that way for a while!

 

[Lilly12]

Oh I can relate.

My MIL is beyond obnoxious!!
I am probably not going to let my baby girl stay at anyones house for at least the first 6 months, or more.
I don't care if my MIL wants her over for a night, I am not ready for that.

My MIL already said to me "...If we ever get to see her"
So she's already guild tripping us and the baby hasn't even been born yet..

And whenever the baby is born I'm not going to let too many people hold her either.. I don't want all these germs on/near my teeny baby, plus she has been in the womb for 9 months without anyone touching her, so I want to make the transition a little easier for her, and not let her go from person to person.

 

[Sophist]

I'm very protective of my LO too! Dh has a couple friends that are BIG guys, and one actually works as a bouncer. I joke that I'm going to hire them to stand outside the front door with a list to filter guests!

I think in your shoes I would wait and see--you may not feel like going on a date for awhile, and when you do, you may not feel like leaving your LO with anyone. Just take it as it comes.

And my MIL is like Malarky's--I did leave my kids with her before thinking it would be ok, and some of the things she thinks are fine are really unsafe--hindsight is 20/20. No way is she going to be babysitting this LO ever.