Is it ok to be selfish?

[girlnboots]

I'm glad I found this place. Everyone on this website has been so helpful and friendly.

After TTC for almost a year and a half, I lost our first pregnancy just a few days ago. We were hoping to share the news on Christmas, but now there's no news to share. I just keep trying to focus on the positive things...like how we're moving into a new house soon and we'll have time to be "settled in" before a baby, or just how we CAN get pregnant, we just have to get the timing down.

My sister is also 1 week "more pregnant" than I was. As happy as I am for her (and I am! she's a great mother,) I'm heartbroken when I think about her little baby and how it's not mine. I'm scared her baby's whole life is going to be shadowed by the fact it would have had a nearly birthday-sharing cousin.

Her whole life she has always maintained that she never wanted to have a baby and how she wants to adopt little African orphans. Now she's on her 2nd kid in a little over a year. A regular baby-machine. Not fair!

I feel horrible for being selfish, but on the other hand, I feel like I've earned it! We've been trying since shortly before we got married with ZERO luck except for our recent loss.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? How did you cope?

 

[grandbleu]

I'm so sorry for your loss...it is such a hard time of year for something so tragic to happen to you and your OH.

It's totally normal to feel selfish and even a bit mean after a miscarriage especially with your sister being pregnant at the same time and having a healthy pregnancy. I actually have a sort of similar situation that my twin was pregnant (3 months ahead of me) and she just gave birth to her baby girl. As much as I was happy for her I had a humongous cry when I found out for all I had lost seeing her have such a healthy and beautiful baby. I felt like that should be my life. I was jealous and couldn't help it.

I don't really have any sage advice but just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Now that I have a brand new niece though and I've gotten over the initial birth announcement I find myself warming to her and loving her. I want to see pictures and know how she's growing (they live faraway so I can't see them in person)...I'm sure you will too. I really think with time that our initial feelings will change...you will find that you these feelings will fade a bit.