is self setteling a skill?

[tiggerlix]

Iv been reading up on the CIO or Richard Ferber approach, not that i intend to use this method yet but wanted to understand more about this method and why.Im a pretty much open minded kinda person and even though i have 6 children now im always open to new ideas regarding the welfare of my kids.but it states that learning to fall asleep on our own(without swaddling or rocking ect) was a skill learnt and that our babies may well need to learn this to.I personaly have never tried the CIO method as im to soft..but reading up on ferbers theorys has amazed me really.I never looked at the fact that when we fall asleep alone it was a skill learnt
anybody had any good results using the ferber methods?
xx

 

[aimee-lou]

I believe it is a skill that a child learns.

I don't use CIO - couldn't stand to leave Earl on his own to cry himself to sleep, that would break my heart. We did however have to do CC as he was getting too demanding and wouldn't go to sleep for over an hour at times.

Now, after doing CC since 6 months - it took about 2 months for him to really get the hang of it completely but now we can put him into his cot fully awake, and within 2-5 minutes, with no crying, he'll lie himself down and go to sleep.

Earl does have a dummy which I know is 'against the rules' as it's a crutch, but I'm not fussed about that. He sleeps 11 hours at night and has 1-2 naps of over an hour each, all of which we have no problems getting him to sleep ever. He has even got to a point now where he'll come and find you when it's time for bed!

 

[aliss]

What sources are you using? Most respected pediatricians are very against the Ferber method. Here's the thing with CIO - some baby trainers say it teaches self-setting, whereas most pediatricians say that babies stop crying because they no longer trust in you, as a caregiver, to come to their assistance.

As for learning to fall asleep as a skill, I do agree with that. I have a high needs baby and it took us a couple months for him to learn how to go to sleep (in addition to colic, birth injury, infections, etc). Some "get it" right from birth - some don't and resist. It's hard. For me, I took a very AP approach (Sears Attachment Parenting), particularly baby wearing, swaddling, and the swing (mimicking the womb) to achieve some kind of settling! He used to cry 24/7, now I can put him awake in the swing and he'll be asleep in 5 min (with a quick nap routine)

 

[babybliss]

Hi Hun, never heard of Freber before but I do agree that you have to put your babies to sleep otherwise you will get the babies who will just paly around forever and being well overtired ot nod off by them self. Never used CIO method my self.

 

[tiggerlix]

i was just browsing some sites looking for information as to help/tips for baby to sleep earlier or better and came across his name quite a few times infact,then i went to the wikapedia site of his.It does state not to leave baby to cry but to go in every few minutes and sooth with voice and as baby gets better leave the periods longer.I went on another site that didnt reccomend it untill after 4 months.i mean i use the swing,swaddling and a soother so im not using this method but was looking into it for later stages.what i liked about it was it states that when baby has learnt to self settle there is less wake ups thru the night/day for comfort and all the other things i am currently using for sleep atm.
i just found it quite interesting and will read more up on it and get his book.
xx

 

[pinktaffy]

ive never heard of the ferber b4. i do think that self settleing is a skill babys learn but like everything all babys do things at different times and stages babys who dont self settle now will learn when there ready, i meen whos heard of a 20 year old being rocked to sleep haha.
i was lucky with my lo she just started self settling all on her own and i just went with it.
i prob wont be as lucky next baby lol.

 

[tiggerlix]

What sources are you using? Most respected pediatricians are very against the Ferber method. Here's the thing with CIO - some baby trainers say it teaches self-setting, whereas most pediatricians say that babies stop crying because they no longer trust in you, as a caregiver, to come to their assistance.

As for learning to fall asleep as a skill, I do agree with that. I have a high needs baby and it took us a couple months for him to learn how to go to sleep (in addition to colic, birth injury, infections, etc). Some "get it" right from birth - some don't and resist. It's hard. For me, I took a very AP approach (Sears Attachment Parenting), particularly baby wearing, swaddling, and the swing (mimicking the womb) to achieve some kind of settling! He used to cry 24/7, now I can put him awake in the swing and he'll be asleep in 5 min (with a quick nap routine)

i will look into that approach hun..as i said im open minded to new ideas so no harm in reading and looking and maybe trying and seeing what works best for that child(my baby)
xx

 

[tiggerlix]

Hi Hun, never heard of Freber before but I do agree that you have to put your babies to sleep otherwise you will get the babies who will just paly around forever and being well overtired ot nod off by them self. Never used CIO method my self.

neither did i hun..lol! i actualy wanted to read up on this CIO method that i keep seeing on here and was directed to his theorys mostly...
xx

 

[freckleonear]

I don't think it is a skill that needs to be "taught" so much as given time to develop. Responding to a baby's needs when they are young will help them develop independent sleeping habits when they are older. I agree that methods like CIO just train the baby that there is no point in expressing their needs. This article explains it far better than I can.

https://www.babyledmummy.com/17-08-2010/the-case-against-crying-it-out

 

[Tiff]

First things first, Ferber isn't CIO, its CC (Controlled Crying).

CIO - Leave your child to cry until they fall asleep on their own, without a parent going in to comfort/see them.

CC - Letting your child cry, but go in on timed intervals to soothe/settle and reassure them you are still around.


Personally I think it depends on the baby. They are human beings after all, and some people are restless sleepers, some sleep like the dead. We're all unique. I own the Ferber book, and some of what he says makes sense to me. The part where he talks about if baby is used to being rocked to sleep, then is forced to sleep on their own its a huge adjustment... much like if you one day had to learn to sleep without your pillow.

That being said, an adult needing to learn how to sleep without a pillow understands and recognizes WHY they have to sleep without it. Infants don't, and it can be very jarring for them. I didn't find the Ferber method for me when she was younger... broke my heart and I just couldn't do it. My SIL however had to do with my my nephew. He didn't sleep at all and she was at the end of her rope. I don't know if it taught him to self settle so much as it taught him that he was okay on is own? Or maybe those are the same idea - just differently put.

Although, now that she's a toddler I have no qualms with letting her CIO. I know she's fine and she's testing her boundaries with me.

 

[redpoppy]

Most people use "ferber" as an indication to crying it out but apparently ferber is CC (where you go in at set intervals which increase with time to console your baby and let them know you're there and the're okay).

I did this a couple of weekends ago and it's been very good with our LO. But then she USED to self settle every now and again in between being impossible.

I can now just go lay her down in her cot. I do actually miss rockign her to sleep throughout the day for naps but I now dance with her downstairs with the lights on to some nice music before i take her up to her cot.

I DO NOT miss rocking her to sleep up to ten times a night.

I still feel tense when i hear her stirring at night and I think it will take many more weeks before I'm sleeping better.

 

[Tacey]

I don't think it is a skill as such. I think it is a developmental stage that babies can achieve in their own time, just like crawling etc. I do think that there are ways to make a baby self settle, but I would be concerned about any method that involved letting a child cry until it gives up.

 

[tiggerlix]

First things first, Ferber isn't CIO, its CC (Controlled Crying).

CIO - Leave your child to cry until they fall asleep on their own, without a parent going in to comfort/see them.

CC - Letting your child cry, but go in on timed intervals to soothe/settle and reassure them you are still around.


Personally I think it depends on the baby. They are human beings after all, and some people are restless sleepers, some sleep like the dead. We're all unique. I own the Ferber book, and some of what he says makes sense to me. The part where he talks about if baby is used to being rocked to sleep, then is forced to sleep on their own its a huge adjustment... much like if you one day had to learn to sleep without your pillow.

That being said, an adult needing to learn how to sleep without a pillow understands and recognizes WHY they have to sleep without it. Infants don't, and it can be very jarring for them. I didn't find the Ferber method for me when she was younger... broke my heart and I just couldn't do it. My SIL however had to do with my my nephew. He didn't sleep at all and she was at the end of her rope. I don't know if it taught him to self settle so much as it taught him that he was okay on is own? Or maybe those are the same idea - just differently put.

Although, now that she's a toddler I have no qualms with letting her CIO. I know she's fine and she's testing her boundaries with me.

thanks tiff and redpoppy..i thought i read that it stated not to leave baby to CIO but to go in on intervels..but was confused with the shortening of there meanings(CC controled crying).I am going to get his book and even if i didnt use all the method i thought maybe combining it with others.Its essential i try my best to get night times relaxed and in some routine as i have 5 other children..so im up for the school runs to plus the mayhem at breakfast times..i really need my sleep lol!
i would never leave my baby to scream with fear but would also like her to know she is safe and secure within her own space and her sleep patterns.Iv actualy just started the Easy routine today..which has gone as planned so far but she seems to be feeling a lill unsettled now..
thanks for all your replies
xx