Is there anyone like me?

[stargirl69]

I joined bandb as I thought it would make the wait for ttc easier as I could talk with those in same situation as me. What I'm finding though is that no one seems to be like me. This makes me upset and angry at hubby for making us wait to ttc.

Is there anyone out there who has been with partner for over 5 years, is married (rather than waiting to be married), both have good permanent jobs, have your own house, approaching 30, no big debt, but are waiting to ttc first baby due to hubby not being ready.

I can understand those in early or even mid twenties who have partners that want to wait, or they have a wedding dress to fit into, or want to buy their own house, or are still at uni. But what about those that are a bit older who are waiting for hubby to feel ready. Do you exist?

Sorry - I'm just feeling really down today.

 

[Amygdala]

Hey!
Sorry, I'm not really in your situation (am 25 and waiting to finish my education). But I think I understand quite well how you must be feeling.
I was wondering: Does your OH have much contact with babies? I think men generally come around to the idea once they have some experience of little kids. Also do you talk about the good bits of having kids, things that he might like? Like playing football with them or teaching them things or whatever he might enjoy. And finally: Have you talked to him about why you don't want to wait? Does he know about the increasing risk to the baby (and mother) with increasing age? If you want more than one: Have you talked about what it'll be like to be older and have small children?
I hope he'll change his mind soon, it must be so frustrating for you. Might happen sooner than you think though!

 

[HippyMumma23]

Oh sweety! Im in a different situation also, but I didnt want to let this post past without saying anything.

Its horrible having to wait, now Im waiting because of uni, but before I too was waiting for DP. What made it more frustrating was that he wasnt clear WHY he wanted to wait. Hes nearly 40 for goodness sake, what is there to wait for?

If you look at the top theres WTT journals, and on the 1st page of each the lady explains her sitution. I can garanteeeeeeee that there are women in your exact position. Why dont you go and look there, it might help.

Big hugs for you honey. x

 

[stargirl69]

Thanks. Yes, I've tried talking to hubby about increased risks etc. but because his mum was older and had no complications he thinks I'll be the same. I've explained that everyone is different and he's no idea how long his mum was trying for either.

He doesn't have much contact with kids. He seems to think his life will be over once he has kids. I can't seem to convince him that altough your life changes it enhances it. I don't even know if he will be ready for the ttc date we've decided on.

I've looked at the wtt journals and didn't see anyone like me, though I didn't look at them all.

 

[HippyMumma23]

Oh thats frustrating for you. I have to admit my TTC date is pretty soon- I too, am not sure if my partner will change his mind when it comes to it.

If you dont mind me asking, how old are you and your partner?

 

[Mrs Poppy]

Me, me, me! I am in exactly the same position. We have been together 8 years and are married. We both have good careers and our own home and no major debts. Our relationship is very stable but yet he STILL doesn't want a baby until much later on. I know just how frustrating it is but I'm trying not to let it get to me cos I don't want to put a strain on the relationship- easier said than done.

to you and hopefully we can change hubbies minds soon!

 

[stargirl69]

We are 28. Hubby wanted to wait until 30 but has reluctantly agreed to 29. He turns 29 next April.

Mrs Poppy, when does your hubby want to ttc?

 

[Pops]

Again, not in the same situation but didn't want to read and run as you sound really down and I wanted to offer some

I am 27 and OH is 31 so not too different age wise and we are in exactly the same situation job wise, debt wise and house wise so I can imagine how frustrating it must be for you.

We aren't married yet, we will be soon but it just seems the right time for us so we are seeing how it pans out.

I hope you can find a solution that suits both of you hun, I really do

xxx

 

[stargirl69]

I wish I could get my hubby to try ntnp!

Thanks for posting.

 

[Amygdala]

Are there any kids in your family or maybe friends' kids that you could go and see together? Or maybe baby-sit a few times? I really think a lot of men just don't know what to expect...

 

[stargirl69]

I think that's a good idea Amygdala. I was thinking of offering to babysit sometime for one of my friends, but I'm wondering if they would think it was weird for me to offer when they haven't asked?!

 

[Mrs Poppy]

Hi Stargirl,

dh wants us to wait till we are 30 (26 now) so ages. It is so frustrating knowing that there isn't really any reason to wait and you see people in much worse situations than us ttc.

 

[Amygdala]

I don't think it'd be weird to offer, they might be really grateful to get some time off. Or you could just ease into it by having them over for tea or meeting up with them (and OH) for a visit to the zoo or the playground?

 

[Elphaba]

I'm in a similarish situaiton Stargirl, although I don't mind the wait too much. I'm 30 and my husband is 33. We've been married 4 years and together over a decade. I actually don't have a job at the moment but that was due to being made redundant which was completely unforseen and could easily happen again once deciding to TTC.

I do get impatient though as I know I don't want to wait until I'm much older as obviously we've no idea how quickly I will get pregnant.

Luckily, I only have 6.5 months until we TTC now.

Hope posting is helping you a bit

K x

 

[bunnyg82]

I just wanted to say, I really hope that your hubby comes around to the idea soon and you feel a little better knowing there are people in the same situation as you x

 

[stargirl69]

Thanks to everyone who replied. I feel so much better now. I think we all have our low times, and it's nice to know that there are people on here that are there for you. Don't discuss this kind of thing with my friends. Thanks!

 

[kate.m.]

Big to you, i know how you feel!

I was in exactly the same position as you (my job situation has changed for the worse tho now, so adding reasons to wait!) Me and Hubby have been together nearly 9 years, both had decent jobs, own our own house, have had plenty of holidays, no debts, finished uni etc.... yet he still wasnt "ready". We're (very nearly!) 26 and 27.
Now unfortunately im not only having to wait for hubby to "be ready", but also sorting my job out.

Best of luck with convincing your hubby to ttc! If you find a magical solution, be sure to let us know!!
xxx