Is this too much pressure ?

[Flip flop]

Hi. I'm still waiting for dh to come round to the idea of a second (been waiting almost 2 years now). We have a 3 year together who is great, but I always wanted more than 1.

We have argued about this greatly and I have tried everything (including putting pressure on which I see now is wrong). I've tried timelines, tentative dates etc but now it's back to just 'some time in the future'.

I'll be 34 this year and starting to worry about my fertility. Do u think it's fair if I ask if it can be before I'm 35 as that's when fertility declined rapidly? Or is that too much pressure again?

Would appreciate any general advice on the subject too. Thanks.

 

[Yo_Yo]

I think you need to ask him what are his reasons for putting off ttc. Was your pregnancy hard? Financial issues? Etc

If it's hard to talk to him on it without it becoming heated, write down your feelings on it and give it to him to read and reflect on. He might find it easier to think over it before he talks about it.

 

[Flip flop]

Thanks for this. We've already been through all the reasons and the main one is stress. I actually asked him in the end and he agreed, hopefully it doesn't mean the day before my 35th birthday but even then it's better than nothing. I've written it all down before too, I've actually done everything

 

[UponAStar]

That sounds like a really hard situation to be in.

What helped me get my dh open to the idea of another was mentioning all of the positives about adding onto our family. I didn't do it all at once -- I tried to be subtle and make it fit into what is going on in the situation. (ie, pointing out something cute about babies we saw in public, commenting on how our ds would love a sibling based off of ds's excitement seeing babies, reminiscing about when ds was an infant, "can you imagine what it'd be like with two?",etc). My dh went from being dead set against another (due to stress/worries of being able to provide for everyone) to saying that he wished we were financially able to have another right now. It took months to get to that point but it helped get his mind off of only the negative things about having another baby.

I hope you can get him to come around. Best wishes!

 

[Flip flop]

That sounds like a really hard situation to be in.

What helped me get my dh open to the idea of another was mentioning all of the positives about adding onto our family. I didn't do it all at once -- I tried to be subtle and make it fit into what is going on in the situation. (ie, pointing out something cute about babies we saw in public, commenting on how our ds would love a sibling based off of ds's excitement seeing babies, reminiscing about when ds was an infant, "can you imagine what it'd be like with two?",etc). My dh went from being dead set against another (due to stress/worries of being able to provide for everyone) to saying that he wished we were financially able to have another right now. It took months to get to that point but it helped get his mind off of only the negative things about having another baby.

I hope you can get him to come around. Best wishes!

That's a great idea, I'm going to try this. I suppose every time I bring it up now its because I want to discuss it but maybe I should just start making positive comments here and there as u say.