jessmke
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I had no fear of labour, I knew it was going to hurt more than I could ever imagine, but I saw it as a challenge and was looking forward to it! Well, things totally derailed and pretty much everything that I didn't want to happen ended up happening. False labour started at 2am on Dec 6th, I had quite painful contractions but they didn't come regularity or increase in intensity. I would get a minimum of 1 contraction and hour, sometimes they would last 90 sec, other times they would come every 2 min but only last 30 sec. They were painful enough to wake me up and I'd have to stand up to breathe through them (throughout my entire labour I could not sit or lay down through a contraction, I had to be standing or kneeling to manage the pain). This false labour lasted about 30 hrs until about 10 am on Dec 7th when the contractions started to become regular and I started early labour.
We headed into the city to the hospital (30 min away) that evening around 7pm, I couldn't sit in the car and had to kneel backwards in the backseat hanging onto the bars of the dog barrier the whole way! I got checked at the hospital and I was 3-4 cm and still in early labour. We left and checked into a nearby hotel where I continued to labour quite painfully until we headed back to the hospital at midnight. I was 4 cm dilated and just starting active labour. I was absolutely exhausted from so little sleep over the last few days and the nurse suggested I take a shot of morphine so I could get some sleep since I still had a long ways to go. I had wanted a natural birth without drugs but the thought of another sleepless night in pain was just so daunting so I agreed. My partner and I discussed it and we figured that since I was progressing slowly and still had such a long way to go, and the worst was yet to come, it was better to get some rest early on so that I had energy for when things got really hard. Looking back I wish I hadn't taken the morphine because although I had some relief from the pain, I wasn't able to really sleep, and when the drugs had worn off my contractions had definitely slowed in frequency and intensity. I got checked again at 5 am and I was 5 cm. We walked and bounced on the ball and contractions got going again, but at 9 am I was still only 5 cm so the doctor broke my water. Contractions amped up, but I was only 6-7 cm by noon. At this point I asked for gas and air as I was really struggling to cope. I started crying and saying that I couldn't do this anymore, which made me think I was hitting transition. Although I was in excruciating pain and really struggling, I kept reminding myself that transition is the shortest part of labour, and pretty soon I would be pushing. Well, by 2pm I was still only 7 cm dilated and I completely melted down, I just couldn't continue on the way things were going. It was one thing to be in pain if you are making progress, but to go through all of that and get nowhere was the worst thing I could imagine and I was just so defeated by this point. The doctor decided to start pitocin to get me to dilate and I continued to further melt down. I absolutely did not want an epidural because of the increased risk of requiring an assisted delivery or EMCS, but there was absolutely no way I could tolerate stronger contractions on pitocin without some pain relief. In the end my partner and I discussed it and we opted for the epidural because even if I managed to dilate completely without pain relief, I was so exhausted I wouldn't have any energy left to push. So after about 30 hrs of false labour and then about 30 hrs of actual labour I got an epidural. The nurses hadn't even layed me back down in the bed yet before I was asleep! While I slept they hooked up the pitocin drip. I slept like a rock for a few hours, and when I woke I was surprised that I could move my legs, they just felt quite heavy, and I could feel the contractions really well, they just didn't hurt. Soon after waking up I felt a lot of pressure in my bum so I asked to be checked and I was fully dilated and ready to push! I was determined to avoid any further intervention, I don't know where I found the strength but I pushed my little girl out in an hour, which according to the nurses was pretty good considering how long I had been labouring. It ended up being just about 36 hrs of true labour by the time Isla Wren was born on December 8th, weighing 7 lbs 4 oz. She came out with her hand on her face, resulting in me getting a very complicated 2nd degree tear that took and hour and a half for the doctors to sew up.
I went into the birth confident and positive and without fear of the pain, and looking forward to a completely natural childbirth. In the end I ended up taking every type of pain relief they had! I think preparation and having a positive attitude definitely goes a long way, but sometimes things just don't go the way you want no matter how positive and fearless you are. We did natural childbirth classes, I read tons of childbirth books, drank gallons of raspberry leaf tea, and felt totally prepared. In the end it turns out nothing could have prepared me for what happened.
I have struggled the last few days thinking about the birth and feeling so disappointed in myself, but i can't change the past. I can't help but wonder if things might have gone differently if I hadn't taken the shot of morphine because that did seem to stall things for me, although I had already been progressing very slowly prior to the shot so who knows if it really would have made much of a difference in my progress.
We headed into the city to the hospital (30 min away) that evening around 7pm, I couldn't sit in the car and had to kneel backwards in the backseat hanging onto the bars of the dog barrier the whole way! I got checked at the hospital and I was 3-4 cm and still in early labour. We left and checked into a nearby hotel where I continued to labour quite painfully until we headed back to the hospital at midnight. I was 4 cm dilated and just starting active labour. I was absolutely exhausted from so little sleep over the last few days and the nurse suggested I take a shot of morphine so I could get some sleep since I still had a long ways to go. I had wanted a natural birth without drugs but the thought of another sleepless night in pain was just so daunting so I agreed. My partner and I discussed it and we figured that since I was progressing slowly and still had such a long way to go, and the worst was yet to come, it was better to get some rest early on so that I had energy for when things got really hard. Looking back I wish I hadn't taken the morphine because although I had some relief from the pain, I wasn't able to really sleep, and when the drugs had worn off my contractions had definitely slowed in frequency and intensity. I got checked again at 5 am and I was 5 cm. We walked and bounced on the ball and contractions got going again, but at 9 am I was still only 5 cm so the doctor broke my water. Contractions amped up, but I was only 6-7 cm by noon. At this point I asked for gas and air as I was really struggling to cope. I started crying and saying that I couldn't do this anymore, which made me think I was hitting transition. Although I was in excruciating pain and really struggling, I kept reminding myself that transition is the shortest part of labour, and pretty soon I would be pushing. Well, by 2pm I was still only 7 cm dilated and I completely melted down, I just couldn't continue on the way things were going. It was one thing to be in pain if you are making progress, but to go through all of that and get nowhere was the worst thing I could imagine and I was just so defeated by this point. The doctor decided to start pitocin to get me to dilate and I continued to further melt down. I absolutely did not want an epidural because of the increased risk of requiring an assisted delivery or EMCS, but there was absolutely no way I could tolerate stronger contractions on pitocin without some pain relief. In the end my partner and I discussed it and we opted for the epidural because even if I managed to dilate completely without pain relief, I was so exhausted I wouldn't have any energy left to push. So after about 30 hrs of false labour and then about 30 hrs of actual labour I got an epidural. The nurses hadn't even layed me back down in the bed yet before I was asleep! While I slept they hooked up the pitocin drip. I slept like a rock for a few hours, and when I woke I was surprised that I could move my legs, they just felt quite heavy, and I could feel the contractions really well, they just didn't hurt. Soon after waking up I felt a lot of pressure in my bum so I asked to be checked and I was fully dilated and ready to push! I was determined to avoid any further intervention, I don't know where I found the strength but I pushed my little girl out in an hour, which according to the nurses was pretty good considering how long I had been labouring. It ended up being just about 36 hrs of true labour by the time Isla Wren was born on December 8th, weighing 7 lbs 4 oz. She came out with her hand on her face, resulting in me getting a very complicated 2nd degree tear that took and hour and a half for the doctors to sew up.
I went into the birth confident and positive and without fear of the pain, and looking forward to a completely natural childbirth. In the end I ended up taking every type of pain relief they had! I think preparation and having a positive attitude definitely goes a long way, but sometimes things just don't go the way you want no matter how positive and fearless you are. We did natural childbirth classes, I read tons of childbirth books, drank gallons of raspberry leaf tea, and felt totally prepared. In the end it turns out nothing could have prepared me for what happened.
I have struggled the last few days thinking about the birth and feeling so disappointed in myself, but i can't change the past. I can't help but wonder if things might have gone differently if I hadn't taken the shot of morphine because that did seem to stall things for me, although I had already been progressing very slowly prior to the shot so who knows if it really would have made much of a difference in my progress.
