First off, I'm sorry for all of our losses and can only hope that we all have good things coming our way soon.
I was 7 weeks on Friday, second ever (confirmed) pregnancy, suspected others that all ended early in miscarriage including first. I was scheduled to have my first ob checkup this Thursday to make sure everything was good. But I started to spot and cramp on Friday, went in for emergency ob check and we got to see the little bean and a strong heartbeat flickering away. He gave us our first sonogram. Put on pelvic rest- our minds once again were at ease. We got lunch, we went home, I relaxed. Spotting and cramping got heavier. Spotting turned into tissue and globs and cramping turned into what I can only assume was contraction type waves of pain. What we saw just hours before gleaming with life and hope were plopping so lifelessly into the toilet and into my hands. It is now Monday- I'm still cramping and releasing what would've been my baby.
This is heart wrenching and aggravating. I'm feeling hopeless and angry at my OB and angry about so many things. I've had hormonal imbalance with lack of progesterone that I took into my own hands with Vitex. I begged my levels to be checked only to be calmed into waiting. I know this stuff happens all the time but there's always the what ifs. I'm now impatiently waiting for my hcg and progesterone tests to come back from Friday (prior to miscarriage). I'm now impatiently waiting for a checkup to make sure all life has been released from my body. I'm now impatiently waiting for this agony to stop to try again. When does it all end? When is it safe to try again? I'm now impatiently waiting for my soul to begin to process this in a healthy way. There's a reason for everything, they say, and I have the tools necessary to heal from this loss.
This was all a complete surprise and a wonderful new dream that filled our hearts and now it's literally been flushed with nothing left but a moment in time on a printed photo of a flashing heart beat trying to survive.
I never thought 7 weeks of anything could bring so much fullness, happiness, and then absolute emptiness when lost.
Good luck to all struggling with the loss of one of their dreams. Feel free to release yourself today. It is ok to not be ok. It is ok to be angry. It is ok to feel empty. I have this on repeat to myself today.
I was 7 weeks on Friday, second ever (confirmed) pregnancy, suspected others that all ended early in miscarriage including first. I was scheduled to have my first ob checkup this Thursday to make sure everything was good. But I started to spot and cramp on Friday, went in for emergency ob check and we got to see the little bean and a strong heartbeat flickering away. He gave us our first sonogram. Put on pelvic rest- our minds once again were at ease. We got lunch, we went home, I relaxed. Spotting and cramping got heavier. Spotting turned into tissue and globs and cramping turned into what I can only assume was contraction type waves of pain. What we saw just hours before gleaming with life and hope were plopping so lifelessly into the toilet and into my hands. It is now Monday- I'm still cramping and releasing what would've been my baby.
This is heart wrenching and aggravating. I'm feeling hopeless and angry at my OB and angry about so many things. I've had hormonal imbalance with lack of progesterone that I took into my own hands with Vitex. I begged my levels to be checked only to be calmed into waiting. I know this stuff happens all the time but there's always the what ifs. I'm now impatiently waiting for my hcg and progesterone tests to come back from Friday (prior to miscarriage). I'm now impatiently waiting for a checkup to make sure all life has been released from my body. I'm now impatiently waiting for this agony to stop to try again. When does it all end? When is it safe to try again? I'm now impatiently waiting for my soul to begin to process this in a healthy way. There's a reason for everything, they say, and I have the tools necessary to heal from this loss.
This was all a complete surprise and a wonderful new dream that filled our hearts and now it's literally been flushed with nothing left but a moment in time on a printed photo of a flashing heart beat trying to survive.
I never thought 7 weeks of anything could bring so much fullness, happiness, and then absolute emptiness when lost.
Good luck to all struggling with the loss of one of their dreams. Feel free to release yourself today. It is ok to not be ok. It is ok to be angry. It is ok to feel empty. I have this on repeat to myself today.