It is nearly 1.5 years past losing my daughter... I still cry, I still struggle and I still think about her every.single.day. I live my new normal life.... I can go out and laugh and have a great time.... but it never fails... at some point in every day.... she crosses my mind. I had a phase where I did really well... I thought... wow I am pretty strong. I think of her and smile now! But I have reverted.... I am back in the doom and gloom stage. I think part of it was I held onto hope of my rainbow... but we tried and we tried all the way through fertility meds and no rainbow for me... so we stopped trying. Now I dont have her OR my rainbow. I know what the triggers and contributers are for me reverting.... but I am just trying to say that it never goes away... it never stops. Life will never be 'normal' again. This shittiness IS the new normal.... and I hate it