It's a Terrible thought, but

[Molae06]

Sometimes I honestly wish that everyone had to experience some kind of infertility before finally conceiving. Why would I wish the one thing I always swore I would never wish upon anyone else? Good question, until last night when I was invited to dinner with my good friend. This friend knows what an especially hard time I have been having lately so why she would do this to me is beyond me. So I get to dinner where I thought it was just going to be me and her and low and behold there are 4 others there, 1 of which just had her "ooops" baby and has now quit her job, living off the state because she "can't bear to be away from peanut for one single minute", and my other friend, recently pregnant who got that way on her second month of trying. I wasn't all that talkative so my friend who invited me texted me from across the table and said are you okay? I replied as okay as I can be. That was it. No "sorry I tricked you into coming or anything." Then I am the one who ended up feeling like a complete bitch because I didn't even acknowledge my friends new baby or congratulate the other one on her pregnancy. I had to write them apologies later and explain myself. Why do some of the people closest to us hurt us the most? Is it just pure ignorance? Don't know how actually ignorant she can be when her best friend finally conceived through IVF after 3 years of being on the brink of depression and hopelessness.

 

[Briss]

I guess it's one of those things that unless you have been there you cant really relate. It is similar to losing a loved one, people expect you to recover after one year but it's just not possible and you have to keep forgiving their remarks because they do not understand that you can never fully recover. I guess we LTTTC just have to master the art of forgiveness, I am personally not good at it but I am just tired of explaining it to tactless people over and over again, they just do not get it

 

[Princess Lou]

You're too polite. I would have said something when I found it wasn't just the two of us and been brutally honest through the text. But I have a very short fuse, always have.

As awful as it is, I feel the same half the time about others and infertility. More than anything it's so they don't say "It'll happen when the time is right." or some other 'helpful' phrase.

Holiday times are usually worse but I think I've got that one covered. Last year I had just been placed on the 12 month waiting list for injections, my sister had just had her 'accident' daughter and I was a little hormonal. A 'friend' who knows the situation said very loudly "So, you've been married three years, where's the kids? Is he firing blanks?" I broke her nose and replied with "No he is not firing blanks. You already know that I am the reason that we do not have children as I never ovulate or even have a period. Thanks for ensuring everyone knows." I feel a bit bad now for breaking her nose but nobody has asked me anything since so in a way, coming clean (even if I was forced into it) was a good thing (even if she was doing it to be bitchy).

Anyway, sometimes letting people in on the hardship will ease a lot of the problems. You never know, you may find someone else is in the same situation. (Unfortunately, it looks like I am the only person I know going through this.)

As for your friend, what she did was sneaky, hurtful and plain mean but is there a reason she did it? Was she trying to do a nice, kind thing? Those who haven't been through infertility don't know how to handle it or how it makes us feel. She may have thought you deserved a night with friends but wouldn't come if you knew the other two were there. You don't mention that she said if it was just the two of you, she may have genuinely believed she was being nice.

 

[2have4kids]

You teach people how to treat you, by making excuses for your cool behaviour to the pregnant ladies and telling your friend that nothing's wrong they leave knowing you're ok with trickery and being around pregnant people-which you're not. There's still time to tell the host how she made you feel, you only gain the respect of friends and colleagues when you are real and true to yourself. People who truly care for you won't want to hurt you but you need to set boundaries about what people can do to you.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

 

[Miss_Awesome]

Ii've been there and felt several emotions because of something a friend has said or done. My childhood best friend was on the exact same cycle as me & convinced me to test with her on Mother's Day this year. She has one child who was a surprise and claims to know how hard TTC has been for me. Well, she's due next month and I've been left to experience awful feelings because of it. She constantly talks on FB about how someone doesn't know love until they're a parent or how "blessed" she is. She says things like how "when" I get pregnant it will be twins or complains about how awful pregnancy is and another friend who did the same thing told me to reconsider wanting to be pregnant. I've tried telling them this cuts me deep and I don't appreciate it, but they're in their own little world. I agree that it's crossed my mind that people should know how we're feeling on this side of the fertility spectrum, but some people are just dense.

 

[HearMyPrayers]

I think and this is just my thoughts on people and their ignorance, is people with children envy the lives of people without. So I think they look at people without children regardless if they are trying and struggling to get pregnant or not with the thought of "count your blessings you can sleep in on weekends!" type of attitude. So I believe because they envy the life "freedom" they feel we should take advantage of the "freedom" we have therefore they dont think about the emotional side of it for us. That we would give up sleep for a chance at being mothers, or give up the "freedom" that comes from having no children. Again just my take on it. But people like that are ignorant and mean, and sometimes the ones closest to us are the ones that will hurt us the most.