Its been 5 months

[Wishfull]

Its been a long and tiring 5 months for me since the m/c. And i dont feel iv grieved. I keep so much bottled up. Some days i feel like my head is spinning with what happend. I had such a terrible time from the moment i found out i was pregnant, to when i lost the baby and every day after. I have good days and bad days. Its been a string of bad days the past few weeks. My other halfs cousin just had a baby on Saturday. I was happy to hear they are both ok. But the aching inside me was horrible. It just made me more aware that im not going to be having my baby in May. Everyone went to see the baby last night. I didnt go. I just couldnt. And my other half got mad and said its only a wee baby. He doesnt understand and can be very cruel about how iv been acting. Crying and that. I know they would have asked why i wasnt there. But i cant win either way. I didnt want to go because i didnt want to start crying when i seen the baby. That would have been terrible when the whole family was there. And because i didnt go i know some people would have said something about it.
What i hate is that i feel like screaming at them that im hurting im hurting real bad, they think im fine.
Im a totally different person since the m/c. Im so down. Im pretending to be fine but im full of sadness and hate at what happend. And it has been 5 months and i should be over it by now????? But i cant. And have no-one to turn too. Least of all my other half. Were not going to try again. Im not even sure we should be together. I just want him to understand. But i know he never will.

Here is my only place that i can truly say how i feel. If it wasnt for coming on here and letting it out on my bad days i dont know what id do.

I just want to find some peace. My soul is broken because of many things. And i just want some peace within my soul.

Sorry for the petty rant just needed to get it out.

to all who have gone through this terrible thing.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[babybuffy84]

Oh hunny im so sorry for your loss and what your going through,have you thought about talking it through with you doctor.Am sending you lots of .I hope things start to get better for you soon,im the opposite to you i get comfort from seeing other peoples babies it gives me hope that one day we will have one of our own and it does happen.
Am thinking of you xx

 

[Rumpskin]

Oh Nina, sorry you are so down darling. Please dont be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself to grieve for your LO. I too still have very black days and now that my sister is pregnant, it makes it so much harder.

If you want to rant, please PM me as we were at similiar stages xxxxx

 

[Rebaby]

I'm so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through right now, it must be hard with your cousin giving birth and not getting support from your OH.

I'm sorry i can't be more help to you, i just wanted to send you big

 

[rachjim98]

Big for you. If you find that *get over it button* I would love to use it too.

I am still struggling everyday to get up. Some days are easier then others but they all are one day @ a time. November was when we lost our daughter she was born too soon. Just in the past month have I really been able to open up. I went back to a support group, I go once a week and it has helped. I haven't spoken yet but I listen and that is a lot of help.

A friend down the street had a baby shower for her sister and didnt invite me. I more then likely wouldn't have went. But the fact that she didnt even invite me, kinda upset me. Plus there was a big ITS A GIRL sign in the yard and pink ballons everywhere on the road. Just another slap in the face for me. There is no easy fix for this and sometimes *time* is just another reminder that it didnt work out for us. Just wanted you to know your not alone in this.

So sorry for your pain and loss. I wish nobody ever had to go through this or feel the pain of the loss of a child at any stage of their life.

 

[Chilli]

Oh you poor thing, you sound so low and I wish I could say something to lift you back up again. Try to be frank with your cousin about why you didn't go if you get the chance, my sister did similar stuff to me and I was very upset, itwasn't until I had my own MC that I really undertsood, but there is a part of me that wishes she had opened up to me. Have you tried any other support network as suggested above? These are just some ideas, God knows I'm no expert and would like the "OFF" button too, but I'd like to help!