Iv dreaded this moment...

[StarrySkies]

I haven't been able to bring myself to post
I miscarried last Thursday. Iv only just managed to pull myself together a little. Iv been a wirlwind of emotions since it happened and I just can't face it

It all started Thursday night at around 8pm. I had some cramping but thought nothing of it (I'd previously been treated for a uti a week or so before after I had expirienced some bleeding and discharge) I just thought maybe it was down to that again, that was until the spotting started, the cramps got really quite painful and the heavy bleeding followed . In my heart I knew what was happening as soon as the cramps got worse, I decided to wait it out at home.. I just couldn't face going in to hospital at this point, not knowing what was going to happen or when.. I just felt too scared and wanted to be with my OH at home.. my three Children were in bed fast asleep, I didn't want them seeing me go in to hospital either, asking questions

I won't go in to detail about what I saw that I passed..

My OH drove me to A&E in the morning (I still didn't know what to do at this point). They kept me waiting a little while and sent me to epu, it was there they examined me, did a scan and confirmed the pregnancy had ended , which I knew anyway

I still can't believe it.. Every morning I wake up and for a split second I still think I'm pregnant but then it hits me that I'm not

How long am I going to feel like this I feel so lost at the moment...

Sorry for the long post and if it doesn't make sense, I'm finding it hard at the moment to do anything, I'm so down

 

[irmastar]

I am so sorry for your loss

 

[Dana_Scully]

Sorry for your loss. Going through it now as well. It sucks

 

[amotherslove]

it does get easier as time goes on.. but be prepared for numbness and also random outbursts.. and for not expecting something to upset you.. but it does.. i'm just soo so sorry. i wish the best for you and your family

 

[TaraLynn]

I'm sorry for all you are going through and your loss. I lost my baby at 7 weeks just over a month ago and the sadness has not left. But this site and this forum has brought me much comfort, I hope it does the same for you.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so sorry you are going through this.. I lost my Ava at 20 weeks and that was almost 9 months ago, you just never forget and for me I smile a lot less..
Thinking of you

 

[scoobydrlp]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such a horribly painful thing to go through. As the days pass I can't help but remind myself at what point in my pregnancy I "should" be at. I hope it gets easier. I hope that your husband and those around you are a source of support for you...I don't know how I would have made it through without mine.

 

[shinona]

I am so sorry that you are going through this and for the loss of your little one.

It will take time and you will feel numb for a while. As someone said even when you start to feel better, something random might set you off.

Take time to grieve, keep talking to those around you and be gentle with yourself.

xx

 

[mumwannabe]

I'm sorry for your loss StarrySkies. I felt nothing but tears and sadness when I lost mine earlier this year. And then came the anger. I just wanted to shout at everyone and make them stop their petty squabbling (esp at work).

The only advice I can give (if you're looking for some) is to give yourself time and space to deal with this. Don't bury your emotions. Allow yourself to feel sad and to cry whenever you need to. I threw myself into work and basically buried my emotions, and I realise now that it was not the best thing to do.

 

[Hellylou]

I'm sorry for your loss. It is a terrible thing to go through, and there is no pain like it.

I lost my baby boy at 16 weeks just over 2 months ago, and the grief is starting to hit all over again, because I was basically in denial for a long time, and it all built up. So as others have said, if anything just let yourself go through the process of grief, and I know how hard that is when you have children that need mum to be 'normal'. Find times when you can just succumb to it, and let it out, because bottling it up and trying to bury it only prolongs the process. You may also find tension between you and OH in time because men handle stuff like this differently. It may be fine for you two, but just be warned that tension may come at some point so recognize it.

Other than that, be very kind to yourself and we are all here if you need to talk.

 

[StarrySkies]

Thanks Ladies for your kind words and advice. I really appreciate it

I too am very saddened to hear of all your losses.. This is such an awful thing to go through

I just don't know what to do with myself at the moment, I'm just plodding along and taking things as they come. Tbh I don't even know what to write right now either..

xx

 

[usamom]

I'm so sorry for your loss.