I've Convinced Myself It's a Blighted Ovum.

[Drsamyjohn]

I know you all understand the fear and anxiety of subsequent pregnancies, and I can't help but think that I might be going a little overboard.

I am 7+3 today, dont have another ultrasound until next Wednesday. I got through the first part with Beta fears (First was low at 86, then 404, then 5081) OB said all looks well with those so no more Betas. I was able to tell myself that the numbers rising, along with the fact that BOTH previous MC's bleeding started at 6 weeks, everything is going to work out this time.

Well now, I'm having serious anxiety-I still have my original pregnancy symptoms, but have convinced myself that it will be a blighted ovum.

I am seriously considering begging the OB for ultrasound today or asap, my problem with that is that DH is working out of town and won't be able to be there. I would hate to cheat him out of seeing the baby's heartbeat if it IS there, as he is taking time off to be with me next week....

So tell me please, am I overthinking this whole thing? How in the world can I stop this overwhelming anxiety? I can't sleep, I can't work, not being the greatest Mom to my 7 year old...I just can't bear the thought of waiting another WEEK, just to be told there is no baby, or the baby has died.

And I'm ANGRY with the OB for making me wait so long, given my history. Grrr.

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated, even if you tell me I'm officially bonkers.

~Amy

 

[vixie27]

Your not mad lol. I seriously would wait the week out you will see so much more at 8 weeks. If you go to early you might not see anything and might have to go back in a weeks time anyway. Try and stay calm xx

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

I wish I could give you an answer. My anxiety is through the roof and I've been certain a number of times now that "this is it" . I'm crocheting a lot and watching a lot of Netflix after the boys are in bed each night. Every single day I get through w/o the tell-tale signs that I'm about to lose this pregnancy is another short-lived sigh of the slightest relief and in the morning when I wake up I'm back on broken glass .

What about talking to your DH about your fears and what you think might relieve them? I'd be willing to bet he would understand perfectly and only wants the best for you so whatever will help you to breathe through this time he's probably all for.

 

[dairymomma]

It's hard not to worry about every little sign of something being wrong, whether it's real or imagined. You find yourself wanting to poas just to see that bfp, wishing you had a home u/s machine to check things out yourself (my dr only half-jokingly told me she wishes she could send me home with one given my multiple mc and bleeding with viable pg), and your dr's phone # is set on speed dial 1 and your finger is hovering. But, I agree with Sweet, if you can wait it out, it's for the better. You see so much more even a few days later because those little beans are developing SO very much in the early weeks. Take a deep breath and let it out slow. It will be okay. You aren't crazy as many of us have had similar experiences and can tell you we've done the exact same thing. And remember-even if you've had a mc or other pregnancy complications before, DOES NOT mean that EVERY pregnancy will be that way. That's what keeps me going on my journey to motherhood whenever I start wondering if all this is worth it. After several mc, stressing out to the max in my first tri, and spotting galore to make me freak out even more, I have to ask myself can I keep doing this? My answer is always yes. My two children are proof that I can do this and I want to be a mother again. I believe in miracles-I have two of them and a third is on the way.

 

[scarolinarn04]

With my blighted ovum my numbers never doubled- they were very slow rising and same with my friend. Your numbers look great so I would think the chances of blighted ovum are not as likely. As far as your initial # of 86, I wouldn't use that as any indicator either. The pregnancy that resulted in my very healthy 3 year old started out with an HCG of 25. Good luck to you- I know how incredibly difficulty the waiting is.

 

[ready4family]

Try very hard not to stress, as this pregnancy WILL work out! I had a BO in October , chemical in Feb, and am now almost 19 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby! Try to take it day by day, enjoy being able to lay around and be pregnant Of course I had my moments, and my doubts, but the u/s at 8 weeks really relieved both of us! Hang in there!

 

[Drsamyjohn]

I'm so thankful to be able to communicate with such wonderful, supportive ladies!
I have a bit of an update... My back started hurting SO BAD yesterday I placed a call to the OB to see what I could do/take to fix it. They said they wanted to see me ASAP. So I went in and they did an ultrasound(abdominal). It showed an empty sac measuring just 2 days behind what I thought I was. The ultrasound tech said she wouldn't give up just yet. However, the doctor came in saying how sorry he was. He said we can pray for a miracle but it looks like a blighted ovum. He ordered an HCG quant. and said if the numbers go up then I should come back next week for another Ultrasound. I left the office convinced it was over.

Of course since then I have been online nonstop. Read all sorts of positive and negative stories. So, I took the day off work to be sad.

Well the doctor just called and my HCG rose from 5081 to 15182. "Consistent with a viable pregnancy" he says.

I'm just so so tired of this emotional roller coaster. I so badly want to hope there may still be a chance. But I'm so afraid of the devastation that will come AGAIN, if the outcome isn't good. I just don't know how to feel.

My poor hubby came home from out of town work today and he has no idea what to say or think or how to help me. He will be here for next weeks ultrasound, Thank God.

I guess I'll just try to have faith that everything will be ok no matter what.

Thanks for listening ladies...

~Amy

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Big (((hugs))) Drs. This kind of limbo is absolutely some of the worst out there. I sure hope your outcome is that of a thriving, sticky bub. I don't know how to feel either so in an attempt to salvage some of my sanity I've more or less checked out. Day-by-day, or even minute-by-minute, is all we can do sometimes and that's ok. "Consistent with a viable pregnancy" is definitely reason to hope but I do understand your reservation. We'll be looking for your next update .

 

[ready4family]

The one thing I can recommend is to NOT google or internet search, it will only lead to more stress which isn't good for your growing baby The chances of that happening again are SUPER low. Give this baby a chance before you're proven otherwise

 

[dairymomma]

Sometimes those little beans can be tricksters and hide away. I agree, don't give up all hope yet. The fact that your hcg level is climbing like that is certainly a very encouraging sign. Take it breath by breath if you have to. After a total of six mc, I've learned a very powerful lesson. I'll be fine whether it's a successful pregnancy or another loss. It might take a while, but I'll be fine either way. Thinking of you!

 

[Drsamyjohn]

So strange how we can be so in tune with our bodies... I don't know what it was that came over me, I had been feeling good about this pregnancy, my symptoms were strong and I passed the mark that I started bleeding with the last two. I just all of the sudden got a strong feeling that this one was a blighted ovum. Surprise surprise, I was right. I am 9 weeks 'technically' pregnant today. Had a transvaginal us done with a different doc last week to confirm and got to see my big empty sac again HCG is continually rising, therefore my symptoms are still strong. That's the hardest part. Feeling so pregnant, and knowing it isn't real. The doctor is in no rush to do a D&C, but says that is what he recommends because they are best able to get good 'samples' to do the testing he wants to do. I would normally choose the natural route but because of the testing and also because I have a trip planned to visit my parents with flights involved. My luck would be that my body would choose then to miscarry. I'm afraid of the D&C because of the risks of infertility. My brain knows the risk is small, but my heart is terrified of it regardless. On the other hand I want this over with! I'm exhausted 24-7 and super emotional. I just want to feel normal again.

In addition to the loss, and that pain, I'm worried that DH won't want to try again. This is the second time around for both of us, he has 3 girls (14,12,&5) and I have one (7). He is 10 years my senior, and has basically humored me with this ttc business. He knows its what I want, but I don't think it's important to him. Also, I know he hurts for me. He hates to see me hurting physically or emotionally and I don't think he wants to see me go through it time and time again....anyway, I guess we have some talking to do.

Thanks for listening to my jumbled thoughts again ladies,
Hope all is well for you~
Amy

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Big (((hugs))) Drs. It's so awful, all of it. And when we just know but want it to be other than what we think it is, it gets even muckier . Definitely give yourself some time and hopefully you and your DH will find common ground on TTC again. Maybe you could NTNP instead? I hope your journey is as peaceful as possible. As for DnC vs natural m/c, you will know what the best decision is for you in this instance and I hope that things work out the way that you want and need them too. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[dairymomma]

Gosh, I am so sorry! It's never easy getting bad news but when you are in a situation like that, it's even harder. You feel pregnant but yet not. As for the D & C, I've never had one but I know a few ladies who have including one who had 3 in a row. She's got 4 kids now. But you'll figure out what works best for you right now. Thinking of you and sending lots of your way!

 

[scarolinarn04]

So very sorry that you are having to go through this again.

I can speak on the D&C. I've had 2 missed mc, a blighted ovum, and 2 chemical pregnancies. The chemicals were natural mc but the other 3 were D&C. My experience was always very good, minimal bleeding and minimal pain and no difficulty getting pregnant again. I was referred to a fertility specialist after the last mc and had testing done to my uterus which looked perfect (no scarring from the 3 D&Cs). I know there is a risk involved with the procedure and it was always in the back of my mind, but I trust my dr completely. The D&C was always easier for me, it was just too hard to walk around knowing and waiting -I wanted to be done and move on. It's a personal decision for you and there is no wrong answer.

 

[Drsamyjohn]

So ladies, had my D&C 7/2/2013... It was amazingly painless and easy. Little to no bleeding at all. Really I was shocked at how easy it was. The doc just called me to tell me the results of the karyotype testing. There were zero chromosomal abnormalities, and it was a little boy. Ouch. A little boy is what we are hoping for, we have four girls between us. So now we both have to do karyotyping. Blood tests that analyze our chromosomes....but don't know at what cost, and we are not a high income family. will keep you posted, thanks for listening... Best wishes to you all.

 

[dairymomma]

I have to agree with you Dr.Amy about the D&C. It's a fairly quick and easy procedure, though I did wake up in alot of pain. The drs gave me pain meds right away and I was able to go med-free that evening already. I, unfortunately, had to have the D&C for a mmc at 15 weeks. The baby stopped growing at 13 1/2-14 weeks and there wasn't any hb at 14+2. The culprit is the hematoma I had at 9+5 so I feel better knowing 'why' this m/c happened but it's still hard some days. The OB dr I talked to has me scheduled for a followup appt in 3-4 weeks and we'll discuss treatment/testing options then. He also told me my two chemical pgs weren't actually cps, they were blighted ovums. He's also wondering about the fact that I've been tested for clotting problems (results came back normal) yet this was the third confirmed pg I've had with a hematoma. Gives us something to look into though. Hope you get some answers from the testing though. So far, all my testing has given us is half answers and kept me firmly in the 'unexplained' category.