I've downgraded to NTNP -Anyone else?

[Tanzibar83]

Hi Girls,

Well my husband and I have been TTC for nearly 7 months and I've got to a stage where I'm just so tired and upset by it all that I'm downgrading from TTC to NTNP. Anyone else been feeling the same?

I have found it so frustrating that people I know who already have kids have become pregnant in the same time span, and people who aren't old enough or financially ready have got a BFP and it really annoys me that I don't have baby No 1 -so I feel very defeated by it all. We are both good honest workers, we pay our taxes, we don't owe anyone money, financially we can support a child, we live in good conditions, we're married - people are already expecting us to become parents in the very short future!!

On reflection I have been so naive with it all, I thought it would be so easy and I would get my chance to become a mother but if you asked me right now the only thing I really and honestly feel is that I'll never become a mother and I must have done something wrong in my life.

Anyone else feel the same?

 

[Soili]

I'm right there with you. Except I really don't think it has anything to do with me doing something wrong in my life I've recently got a huge suspicion I've not ovulating at all. I think that has more to do with it than anything else. TTC with long irregular cycles is excruciating. I wish it was as simple as having sex on the right week. Honestly I don't know what the girls with regular cycles even complain about

 

[Tanzibar83]

Thanks for the comment Soili - I've been to see the nurse and have had a couple of blood tests but they come back normal. But I think how on earth can I be normal down there when my last cycle was 55 days!?

I've just been for a little cry and told my husband I just don't see myself becoming a mother and he's told me to think more positive but I feel like I've hit rock bottom. With NTNP I would though feel more rewarded if I ever got a BFP that it would have been conceived through passionate sex rather than just timed intercourse.

It bugs me to hell that people who already have the joy of kids can fall easily pregnant again and again, it winds me up actually. I'm sorry if that offends the women on BnB but I'm finding it super hard to be happy for my friends and family who have recently said they have got BFP's. I've actually not seen my friend since she announced her pregnancy back in January, I just can't bring myself to being in her company and listening to her perfect life.

God I sound bitter - I wish her all the best but I'm in such a bad place with baby making that I know I'd just burst into tears in her company.

Have you felt like that?

 

[Soili]

You WILL be a mother! It might not happen when you think it should or maybe not right away, but you will have a baby!

I know all about hitting rock bottom though, I believe I used that term myself very recently. I think once you kind of embrace the idea that it might not be easy, it's sort of liberating, in a way. I really like how you put it, that there's something really good in the idea of baby conceived through passionate sex, instead of timed intercourse. I mean, of course, if by having sex on right days I could make it happen sooner - I SO would. But since it's not working out, then I like to believe that there's a good reason for it. More spontaneous hot sex is good reason

I'm fortunate not to have any pregnant friends It's weird putting it that way, but I'm glad the couples we know are either done having babies or not thinking about it. And I don't mind being around little kids at all. I'm more afraid I'll want to steal them LOL But seriously though, it usually makes me calm and relaxed about the whole thing. I just go thinking "yeah, I definitely want me one of those!".

You know what's my most bitter experience with other people getting BFP though? When someone joins the forum and gets pregnant right away And goes saying how they didn't think it'd be so easy. They have no clue how wrong they are, thinking it's easy. They also are wrong thinking that they're super fertile or that their way of DTD is what did it. It's not EASY and they're not specially fertile, they just got LUCKY.

 

[Tanzibar83]

Yeah newbies and their BFP's kind of annoy me too. I said to my MIL mid last year that we'll be trying for a baby this year and she was really excited but I wish I never said anything.

Everytime I see her or we ring her up I always think "Is she going to ask if we've been successful?" - she's the only one out of her brother and other sister who isn't yet a grandma and with all the stress it's put me under I just think she'll be expecting to become a grandma this year and I doubt that will happen.

I've spent so much money on supplements, monitors, OPK's and I've got nowhere so I feel it's been a waste of time and money

 

[clairebear26]

Hi Girls,

Well my husband and I have been TTC for nearly 7 months and I've got to a stage where I'm just so tired and upset by it all that I'm downgrading from TTC to NTNP. Anyone else been feeling the same?

I have found it so frustrating that people I know who already have kids have become pregnant in the same time span, and people who aren't old enough or financially ready have got a BFP and it really annoys me that I don't have baby No 1 -so I feel very defeated by it all. We are both good honest workers, we pay our taxes, we don't owe anyone money, financially we can support a child, we live in good conditions, we're married - people are already expecting us to become parents in the very short future!!

On reflection I have been so naive with it all, I thought it would be so easy and I would get my chance to become a mother but if you asked me right now the only thing I really and honestly feel is that I'll never become a mother and I must have done something wrong in my life.

Anyone else feel the same?

Hi Tanzibar83,

I am feeling exactly the same as you! We have been TTC for 8 months and not a whiff of pregnancy! I get so excited in my TWW and then when the 2nd week hits I go mad and convince myself Im not pregnant and then I get my hopes up because I felt a little bit sick one morning etc. Im all over the place emotionally every month and I have had enough.

DH and I have decided to ease off the TCC for the next few months as dont want a baby in Dec, Jan or Feb (bit of reverse psychology lol) but if it happens then we will of course be over the moon. I hope it helps me to not be such a fruit loop!

I also have alot of friends who have got pregnant recently after trying for what seems like 2-3 months and it is doing my head in! One friend wasn't even trying. Everybody keeps saying "It will happen when you stop trying" I am starting to believe it.

Fingers crossed for you hun ove the next few months (hopefully it wont take that long) We will get there eventually.....

C xx

 

[5-a-side]

All these feelings are totally natural and we are all normal in feeling like it.
I do so hope everyone here gets the fabulous news that they are waiting for.

 

[babyboo1258]

HI Ladies,

im with you, we've been trying for nearly a year, & now ive hit rock bottom, its so draining, why is it so unfair we'd make lovely parents but no suck luck as yet. everything is normal with us both so why isnt it hapenning. ive now downgraded to NTNP, coz i cant take the heartache anymore. dont know why i think this will be any easier ill still have the dreaded 2WW, but im giving it a go for 2 months, if i cant handle this then i dont know what im going to do. know exactly what you mean by people getting pregnant & not even trying. One of my collegues has just gotten pregnant she 44 wasnt trying, apparently a 1 time shot & bingo pregnant. so angry with the whole thing. They do say "good things come to those who wait". BUT IM SICK OF WAITING & PLUS IVE WAITED LONG ENOUGH. HURRY UP

 

[gardenofedens]

hi babyboo,

were you charting, temping, etc.? Have you read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"? I just finished it last week and found it really interesting. My OH and I are just barely starting to NTNP and won't begin really trying until after our wedding but reading the books seemed to make it feel more real that we're NTNP if that makes sense. I first read "What to expect before you're expecting" which was a quick, easy read. Taking charge of your fertility had some really scientific-like parts but was super interesting. And now I'm reading "How to choose the sex of your baby" which is also interesting.

lots of to you

 

[Tanzibar83]

Hi again,

I've actually changed my mind again - I just don't want to try anymore. My head has over ruled my heart and it's just screaming at me to quit trying so that's what I've done. I suffer from irregular cycles and I never know when AF is meant to be here so as much as it's destroyed me I think it's probably best if I try and get a regular period first (even if that means waiting several years).

I am so upset about it all lately - I'm upset that the universe works in the favour of those who don't want children\can't afford them more than people who are in stable relationships\financially sound - It just seems so unfair.

 

[babyboo1258]

Hi Gardenofedens,

i wasnt temping, i just doing opk, but was so sick of weeing on them lol. had a slight positive on a ept 2 weeks ago, we were thrilled, and then bled 3 days later. was devastated & it took some convincing for my OH to even try straight away, so we agreed to NTNP, but i can feel some sneaky OPK testing come on already lol

 

[Lily7]

Hi Girls,

Well my husband and I have been TTC for nearly 7 months and I've got to a stage where I'm just so tired and upset by it all that I'm downgrading from TTC to NTNP. Anyone else been feeling the same?

I have found it so frustrating that people I know who already have kids have become pregnant in the same time span, and people who aren't old enough or financially ready have got a BFP and it really annoys me that I don't have baby No 1 -so I feel very defeated by it all. We are both good honest workers, we pay our taxes, we don't owe anyone money, financially we can support a child, we live in good conditions, we're married - people are already expecting us to become parents in the very short future!!

On reflection I have been so naive with it all, I thought it would be so easy and I would get my chance to become a mother but if you asked me right now the only thing I really and honestly feel is that I'll never become a mother and I must have done something wrong in my life.

Anyone else feel the same?

Totally agree with everything you just said! Sometimes I just feel like giving up but can't bring myself to do it.....I don't think I would be physically able to NTNP either, I would say I'm going to and then BAM I amd obsessing on here all the time, this cycle we are "at it" every other day, I have decided not to try and track down Ovulation this cycle (tried that last cycle - and what good did it do me!) Feel like screaming!!!

 

[porkypig]

Hi tanzibar, I knwo how you feel, although it only took us 4 months to get pregnant i was going crazy and getting really stressed over it and thinking id nevr be a mum and used to get really p***d off when others announced their pregancies. To be fair, 7 months of trying isnt really that long, they do say on average it takes a healthy couple 1 year to 18 months to conceive. Try temping, i found it really useful, the only thing with temping is that when you notice a temp change (higher temp) it means youve ovulated, but if you do it for a few months, youll get a good idea of when youre ovulating. It definitley works as the month I got preg my temp did not go down!!

Try to not to stress, i think this makes things worse and can actually alter your cycles. As for people expecting you to announce a pregnancy, this is a reason why id never tell anyone, didnt wana put that xtra pressure on myself, to get them off of your back, you can just drop it in a casual convo, that youve decided to put it on hold as you want to do a few other things first, no one needs to know that youre still ttc, only you and your dh.

Good luck hun xx

 

[Soili]

Try temping, i found it really useful, the only thing with temping is that when you notice a temp change (higher temp) it means youve ovulated, but if you do it for a few months, youll get a good idea of when youre ovulating. It definitley works as the month I got preg my temp did not go down!!

No offense, hun, but if you read a bit more carefully, you'd notice that she IS charting. And to be honest, charting is not really help at all for someone with long and irregular cycles. There's NO way to predict ovulation coming. I have long cycles and I'm suspecting I'm not ovulating at all and I'm charting, but mostly just to see if by any chance I do end up ovulating, I would at least get some satisfaction out of that knowledge. Definitely not to try to time sex.

And to address other issue - yes, 7 months of trying is not long if you have regular cycles and ovulate at around same time each month. Because it's PROPER months of trying. If you have had two cycles in 7 months and not sure if ovulated at all - that's a whole other level of stress and frustration and to be very blunt, no one can understand unless been in the same position.

 

[porkypig]

Try temping, i found it really useful, the only thing with temping is that when you notice a temp change (higher temp) it means youve ovulated, but if you do it for a few months, youll get a good idea of when youre ovulating. It definitley works as the month I got preg my temp did not go down!!

No offense, hun, but if you read a bit more carefully, you'd notice that she IS charting. And to be honest, charting is not really help at all for someone with long and irregular cycles. There's NO way to predict ovulation coming. I have long cycles and I'm suspecting I'm not ovulating at all and I'm charting, but mostly just to see if by any chance I do end up ovulating, I would at least get some satisfaction out of that knowledge. Definitely not to try to time sex.

And to address other issue - yes, 7 months of trying is not long if you have regular cycles and ovulate at around same time each month. Because it's PROPER months of trying. If you have had two cycles in 7 months and not sure if ovulated at all - that's a whole other level of stress and frustration and to be very blunt, no one can understand unless been in the same position.

sorry for trying to make someone feel a bit better, i wont bother next time, and which post did she say she was temping? because I can't find it. Charting is perfent especially if you dont know when you ovulate and are not sure with other symptoms of ovulation.

to the op, good luck anyway xx

 

[Soili]

sorry for trying to make someone feel a bit better, i wont bother next time, and which post did she say she was temping? because I can't find it. Charting is perfent especially if you dont know when you ovulate and are not sure with other symptoms of ovulation.

to the op, good luck anyway xx

No need to get passive-aggressive here. My point was, it's not really helping, advising to do something that's already being done and not exactly working out. Charting is not perfect to predict ovulation if one can get cycles lasting for 2 months and more. It's useful to keep the record to try and figure out what's going wrong. But it's not helping to time sex.

PS - her chart is in her signature.

 

[porkypig]

i didnt say it was good for predicting, its good for seeing when and if you do ovulate.

 

[Annamumof3]

hi all,
Am hoping I can join you? after another unsuccessful month ttc and it not happening, I don't think I can do it to myself another month, I literally go a bit bonkers during 2ww, going through countless tests, seeing lines, taking pics, playing with pics and symptom spotting, I really cannot cope - don't think OH can either!
so we have decided to downgrade to ntnp, hopefully I can relax and then maybe it will happen!
tbh thats the only way it has happened before - I never fell when actively trying x
anyone feel similar?
Anna xx

 

[mlesfink]

I haven't even been trying for a month and I HATE charting - it's too stressful! I feel like it sucks the fun out of TTC and the surprise of a BFP.

I can't imagine the pain you are feeling having to wait as long as you have and I'm sorry. You are probably doing yourself a favor by not obessing over it.

I threw out all of my ov tests today - just going to go with the flow.

 

[ginloveshemp]

i (pretend to) downgrade to ntnp every month i don't get a positive test (which is every month...) and then as soon as ovulation time rolls around, i just can't relax!!