I've failed again :(

[Willow82]

So I had a terrible time trying to feed my now 3 year old. He wouldn't latch at all, I had a terrible supply and worked really hard to get my supply up via expressing so I could feed him one bottle of ebm a day. I then ended up getting mastitis twice and gave up three months in. The experience left me quite traumatised and I still carry the scars from that period.

Fast forward to now, my daughter is one week old and we've had similar issues. We had difficulty getting her to latch but I managed to get her to do it. I've seen midwives, breastfeeding support workers, members of the infant feeding team at the hospital, all of which have said my latch is good, positioning is correct etc. i was pretty much up all night every night for the last week constantly putting her back to the boob over and over again. Yet she never seemed satisfied. I was reassured that she was building my supply and so I persisted. She was then weighed and had lost 12.6% of her birth weight. We were told to continue to breastfeed her, then give her expressed milk/formula via a cup. She gained about 95g and we were told to continue with the feeding plan. She then turned against the cup and we found it really difficult to get anything in her. I found it easier getting her to latch at this point so I tried putting her on the boob over and over again. She was weighed yesterday and she's lost the weight she had gained and another 1% on top of that. We've been told to bottle feed her 50-70mls of formula every 3 hours. I am still feeding her at the beginning of the 3 hours but it's obvious she is hardly getting anything from me and my supply yet again is abysmal. I need to express 8-10 times a day in order to build it up and I don't think I can emotionally and physically do it especially after what happened with my son. I also have my 3 year old to run around after and I would have no time for him. I've decided not to express and so my low supply is likely to dry up and she will be 100% formula fed. I feel gutted that it's happened again and just wanted to let it out.

 

[wishingonastar]

You've not failed
Here's why:
1. You've tried even in the knowledge of what an awful time of it you had last time. A lot of people wouldn't try again.
2. By trying again you gave your baby the important colostrum packed full of vitamins and antibodies so even if you stop now your baby has had all that plus the ongoing antibodies in your milk
3. You've given your baby extra bonding time with you through the skin to skin and you can keep that up even if you stop, just have blanket over both of you

In your position I believe I would not express that amount per day as you'll likely wear yourself out with that and the needs of newborn and toddler. I'd express some when I could so I could store it and give before a feed once supply dries up and I'd keep putting baby to breast before a feed until supply dries up and then give formula after.

 

[tallybee]

I completely agree with wishingonastar hun you have 100% not failed! Hugs x

 

[BostonGal]

First off, even if you switch today to using only formula you won't have failed at anything! But I just wanted to address two of your concerns. The first is low supply. Sounds to me like pumping this much is too exhausting. Why not just put your baby on your breast as often as possible instead of pumping? You might have better luck with latching if you actually feed some formula before breastfeeding because your baby may be calmer and less frantic. Your second concern seems to be about how to feed the formula. Both my babies had only bottles from the 2nd to 4th week of life because I had cracked and bleeding nipples. They never developed 'nipple confusion'. Obviously this may depend on the baby, but if I were you I would use a bottle (they have nipples designed for breastfeeding babies) to give formula and then also continue to try latching the baby as often as you can manage if you want to maintain a supply.

 

[lau86]

Huge , so sorry it didn't work out for you but you've not failed at all.

 

[ElmaWG]

I'm so sorry you've gone through this, willow. It sounds like such an emotionally and physically draining experience. Please don't blame yourself.

 

[hiladun]

Of course you haven't failed, for all the reasons pp have said.

Just one thing that may be worth checking though would be get lo checked for tongue tie. Maybe by a few people as many tend to miss a posterior/hidden tie, or say a small tie doesn't interfere with bf. Given the weight loss and the good latch it's possible lo is not able to transfer the milk well due to tongue tie.

This is just to give you an extra, fairly low stress, avenue to try, not to be all 'you must forge ahead with BF at all costs'!

Hope you and lo are doing well.

 

[spicyorange]

No.failure would be to starve your baby out of desperation to bf. You are giving then what they need, you've not failed

 

[Willow82]

Thank you everybody. I'm feeling a bit better about the situation. I know she's getting what she needs now so that has made me feel happier. I'm still putting her to the breast prior to the bottle feed and ironically she's feeding better than ever. She's latching well and for a decent amount of time. She is still requiring the full formula feed so is evidently not getting enough from me but you never know, she might be able to build my supply a little bit. Even if she only gets a little bit of breast milk it's worth it.

She's still not settling though even after a formula feed unless it's on me but I guess that's fairly normal for a newborn. I just need to work out when to sleep!

 

[Rachel89]

Are you pace feeding her? And yes the fussy behaviour is very normal to newborns and they get frequent growth spurts when it;s worse.
Please get her checked out for a tongue and or lip tie by a preferred provider there is a big support group on facebook.

Too many medical professionals are quick to dismiss ties, or overlook them due to lack of training.

 

[Blu10]

No.failure would be to starve your baby out of desperation to bf. You are giving then what they need, you've not failed

This^^^

 

[Qmama79]

Hi!
I had a very tough time getting my first son going. With this one I'm planning on combo bottle/breast, either 100% Bm (if flow is excellent) or combo F&Bm or 100% ff. With my last we expressed & combifeed with bottle fr a while as he was very slow starter. My milk never came in (& he's now a three year old underweight healthy toddler...turns out food has never interested him. )
I've decided that I will not go through the hell of bf stress again. I felt it actually interfered with my bonding experience. So, if its not going well, I'll switch to 100% ff & won't feel guilty in the slightest.
I've researched ff brands and found 2 that I'm very comfortable with (Natures One & Hipp) in case of 100% ff.

We are doing the best for our children, but have to consider ourselves & our health and recovery as well. I feel that I'm not a 20-something anymore & the first bf experience was exhausting.

Xx Feel at ease with whatever combi works for you & your family! That is what matters!

 

[ElmaWG]

Thank you everybody. I'm feeling a bit better about the situation. I know she's getting what she needs now so that has made me feel happier. I'm still putting her to the breast prior to the bottle feed and ironically she's feeding better than ever. She's latching well and for a decent amount of time. She is still requiring the full formula feed so is evidently not getting enough from me but you never know, she might be able to build my supply a little bit. Even if she only gets a little bit of breast milk it's worth it.

That's great to hear. Generally, I think babies get much better at latching ang sucking when they get a bit bigger and older.