I've failed as a parent

[dippy dee]

well things were going ok (with keelie my neice)untill 2 weeks ago when i found her on pro annarexia web sites and a lot of food in her room hidden, she then decided to enjoy the temptations of alchol and canabis which i had a few stern words and i thought that was that but after then i noticed her change and the worst one was towards my youngest 2, she started shouting at them and i noticed a couple of nudges and pokes and shoves towards them they both became quiet and clingy which is not right as jack is 2 and karlum is 4 ( karlum is autistic and his behaviour changed for the worst) then yesterday she hit my 2 year old as she was lying on the seatte and he sat at the side of her and hurt her leg NO ONE HURTS MY BABIES . I sent her to her room and she smashed that up so she was left to stew last night, i spoke to her parents today and told them i can not put up with these actions or with the stress so after a lot of talking they agreed to let her go back home and try to rebuild their relationship with her, i honestly don't know how they will get on as keelie has many troubles going on in that little head of hers and i feel she needs a little help to try express what she is holding onto.
I feel so quilty sending her back home but i have to think of my children as well, she has gone back with all her xmas pressies we got her including a laptop etc but i don't know if she will get them, i could cry i thought i could help and i failed but what is worse is i failed my children by putting them in the situation that they get intimidated and physically hurt by some one.
I feel like such a bad parent,

 

[FEDup1981]

aww hun, that is such a difficult one, because you wanted to do right by both ur neice and ur children, but your children HAD to come first. They are still babies, and like you say, it was unfair to them to be in that environment.

You made the right choice, and its time her real parents took the responsibility of dealing with her behaviour.

You helped out when u were needed, but you have to put ur family first, and you havent failed.

 

[dizzy65]

awe i am sorry

 

[polo_princess]

 

[hypnorm]

posted on the other thread, you havent failed as a parent.
You gave her a chance but you have to think of your family.
And her parents will have to sort her out.

 

[passengerrach]

o no hun things were going so well 2. u r not a bad parent and u havnt failed u did something incredibly amazing for this girl and she took advantage u had no other choice u couldnt jepordise your childrens security for her but in the long run maybe its a good thing she is going back to her parents they need to take responsibility for her really

 

[tasha41]

Hi honey! You aren't the one who has failed as a parent; her parents have. I know that sounds awful for me to say, but there is a reason for behaviours like hers, she didn't just wake up one day and decide to be miserable, rebellious, treat others poorly, and possibly be on the verge of developing an eating disorder!

How old is your neice?

I can really relate to this thread, I have an eating disorder, I can't really say that I "had" one before, because the same thoughts are always on my mind.. I'm just in control of it now that I'm pregnant. Surfed some of those pro-ana/pro-mia sites myself to be honest! AND as far as her possible partying and abusive behaviour towards your family, she sounds just like my sister! I know it's hard to open up via internet, but PM me if you need anything.

 

[leeanne]

OMG hon, you did not fail as a parent. You gave your heart and that is to be admired! You gave this girl a home, a roof over her head, support, etc. It's not you that went wrong....it's the girl.

She needs counseling, or some such help and quickly.

 

[Tilly]

Agree with Leeanne.. sounds like you've done nothing but support her but at the end of the day, you need to put your own children first and protect them. You did the right thing so please don't feel bad.

You sound lovely, I hope you can sort it out with your niece.

 

[joeyjo]

You did not fail as a parent. You are being a wonderful parent right now by putting your kids (including your bump!) before everything and anything else no matter how difficult that may be. I am so sorry you are having to go thru' all this especially as your pregnancy is being difficult too. I am glad though that her parents have agreed to take her in again and try and rebuild the relationship. To be honest it sounds as if she needs qualified professional help for the body issues and because she hit a 2yr old!!! I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and praying that your niece gets the help she needs.

 

[Amanda]

Aww hunnie, you HAVE NOT FAILED!

As a mother of a teenager, I know exactly how difficult the job can be, and she is my daughter. Sometimes I could swing for her. You have done your best for your niece, given her and her family a much-needed break, and I'm guessing that this has really helped.

Her parents now need to take this on and face the problems together. Just as long as she knows that her Auntie is always there to talk to, which I'm sure she does, then that's all you can do.

 

[hypnorm]

would be nice to know how things pan out now she is back home.

 

[Shinning_Star]

Defintely, you have tried to support her and when things affected your own children you told her parents it wasn't on!

It mujst hav been a difficult situe to be in! You tried to give her time love and guidance whihc is all you can really offer. There are obviously some issues there, that prob stem from relationship with her parents.

Dn't feel bad, you did a good and the right thing. xxx