Jamelia - Single Moms - BBC3 Tonight

[Lightworker]

HI!
Just wondering if anyone will be watching the documentary on single moms tonight. I saw a review of it and its based loosely on the premise that children born into single-parent families fare worse than those with both parents. It will also look at how attitudes to single parents have changed over the years, and the impact on children.

Thought it might be nice to discuss, plus perhaps give BFing a break lol.

Anyway, what are your thoughts on single parents, and do you think it is a fair assessment of how their children will turn out?

ETA: Just an update on what was shown. She first interviewed a 91 year old man, whose mother had given birth out of wedlock, and they had to live in a workhouse, which was where single moms went to give birth. Quite frankly, it looked like a prison, and there was no emotional support, and single moms were viewed as deviants, with no chance of making "good" decisions, so for the most part, their children were immediately taken away.

She also interviewed the daughter of a single parent, whose mom chose to live a quiet life, away from authorities etc as she was frightened they would take her child away. The mother worked very hard, and the daughter went to private school, so did quite well for herself.

She then interviewed an elderly lady who had to give up her child, after being admitted into a church-run home for unwed moms. Again, it was on the basis that they caused the family shame, and couldn't possibly know how to look after a child.

 

[Blah11]

I'll be watching although I totally disagree. My mum was a single parent since I was 7 and my brother was 4 and I have nothing but happy memories from my childhood. We wanted for nothing and are both very stable, happy adults.
I have a family of my own now and would obviously like my children to live with both parents but if we don't, it doesn't matter. They were conceived in love and we'll both love them unconditionally even if for some reason we no longer love eachother.

 

[tallybee]

I'll be watching although I totally disagree. My mum was a single parent since I was 7 and my brother was 4 and I have nothing but happy memories from my childhood. We wanted for nothing and are both very stable, happy adults.
I have a family of my own now and would obviously like my children to live with both parents but if we don't, it doesn't matter. They were conceived in love and we'll both love them unconditionally even if for some reason we no longer love eachother.

I agree with you 100% on this. It's ridiculous to make sweeping generalisations based on 'single parents'... families can work in many different ways. It can be far more destructive for parents to stay in a miserable relationship, thinking they are doing the right thing for the child(ren) but in fact exposing them to unhealthy ways of living and relating to others

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I agree with Blah and tallybee. I think it is too much of a generalisation to say kids fare worse. Every situation is unique. I wonder how well children fare in a 2 parent family where one or both parents is just completely disinterested. I bet no one has studied that. obviously you couldn't but I think it's often the case of the spotlight being put on the single parent families because it's an easy characteristic to define.

 

[Blah11]

watching now - sounds like its going to be a very negative spin on it :\

 

[Blah11]

ach shes pissing me off already. How nice for her 10 year old to watch her say she regrets having 2 children by 2 different dads and she wishes she could go back and do it differently.

 

[v2007]

I am more annoyed at this programme cos Jamelia has even said she isn't proud of being a single Mum.

And TBH i think looking after kids IS something to be proud off single or in a relationship!!!

I am back to being a single Mum and i am proud that my kids are happy and i hope they grow like Blah wrote happy and stable.

This programme is not helping the stigma that being a single Mum already has attached to it!!!

V xxx

 

[Lightworker]

I had to switch channels when the mom who had to give up her daughter was narrating her story, because it was so heartbreaking. Imagine having to lose your child like that, in addition to the stigma.

I think with Jamelia saying she is not proud of being a single mom, I think it comes from the best possible angle if her agenda is to end the stigma, because it takes you through the thought process of many single parents. Yes, its nice to say I am proud of my efforts as a single mom, but it is also essential to paint an accurate picture of how you feel, in order to show the judgemental people what it really is like, and also to help those that might feel like she does. x

 

[Lightworker]

This "think tank" is stating that 75% of single-parent offspring are likely to fail at school. I wonder how much of that is actually caused by the single status of the parent, or other causes, eg stigma, time, income etc.

 

[v2007]

I came from a single parent family and i passed 9 GCSE's getting 3 A* 4 A's and 2 B's.

But yet my BFF came from a 2 parent family and failed at school and college :/

V xxx

 

[Lightworker]

I came from a single parent family and i passed 9 GCSE's getting 3 A* 4 A's and 2 B's.

But yet my BFF came from a 2 parent family and failed at school and college :/

V xxx

Thats what gets me thinking as well. My dad used to work away, so we only saw him like twice a year, so one could argue it was akin to single-parenting, and I passed as well, so not sure why the stats are coming back as they are, especially at such a high number

Jamelia was in tears at the thought that it doesn't matter what you do, because the lady was saying chances are it won't make a difference. I do wonder where they get this stuff from.

 

[v2007]

It's a bunch of bull!!!

Shock TV without proper research.

V xx

 

[Ashley8806]

I obviously can't watch the show, as it doesn't air over here, but I was raised by my mom as a single parent, and grew up to have a good life. My dad left when I was 4. We struggled financially, but always made it through. I graduated in the top 10 of my class in high school, and now have a college degree and the career I have always wanted. I am now married with one child, and one on the way. I don't think my mom being a single mother has had any negative impact on my life. Sometimes it is worse if parents stay together just for children and the children have to listen to them fight all the time, etc. THe only negative memories I have of childhood is when my mom started dating, and he turned into an alcoholic and I had to deal with them arguing, but it quickly ended. I commend all single moms, it is a hard job!

 

[Laura2919]

I'd rather my children have happy parents apart than unhappy parents together. I am in a relationship but to think that all children to single parents fare worse is just ridiculous.