jaxs dad not interested but his mum is ...advice plz x

[DizzyMoo]

As brief as i can coz i tend to waffle if not :
Jaxon's dad doesn't wanna know & has denied being his dad when i was pregnant, & we haven't spoke since june ish .
Well his mum has text the odd time & when i asked if she wanted to see jax or whether she would rather keep out she said she wanted to see him .. i was thinking just her seen as i was texting her... but she is now expecting me to travel by bus for nearly 2 hours to visit her & she will have jaxs dad there!

Is it me or should she be making the effort to come to me here? I dont drive but she does so it would take her 40 mins to get to me & besides that is it to much to expect of me after having a section?

I'd ideally prefer jaxs dad not to be there for the 1st meet, til i know what kind of reception we get & because he upped & left me at 6wks pregnant & caused nothin but grief including branding jax a spaz when i was preg then denying he was his...

So what do i do here? Of course id rather he'd dropeed dead long ago but is jaxs dad & i would rather he had a relationship but he hasn't even asked or mentioned him yet so why should i take jax to see someone who isn't interested?

Should i tell his mum to come alone 1st or should i let them do the running. I really dont feel ready to face his dad after the hurt he caused me & i dont think i can just shove those feelings/thoughts aside yet.

Ok so not as brief as i wanted but i guess a little more picture was needed.

Any advice ladies ? x

 

[princessellie]

ooh congrats, i didnt know ud had him!!

i think you should get her to come to her, thats no way too muchto expect, why should she think youd go there, thats just silly, and no i would make sure the dad wasnt there either, he obv isnt bothered or he wouldve made the effort!!



x

 

[purpledahlia]

hmm i think she should def not be expecting you to travel by bus for 2 hours with a newborn and a little boy alone and after a section. Thats steep.

I would just say to her, your welcome to come here and see jax, i would prefer it if you didnt bring 'x' first time as i would rather meet you alone first if thats ok.

If shes adamant he wants to come just let him and be offstandish, ask for an explanation and ask him what he plans to do now that hes involved, is he going to help at all ?? etc.

Def dont run to her.. let them do the running like you say.

xx

 

[Joyzerelly]

Firstly congratulations. I would definitely tell her to come to you, start as you mean to go on! Explain that you're a tired new mother and do not need to travel two hours on a bus with your newborn - what's the woman even thinking?

 

[needausername]

I ban you from travelling to her until jax is a few months old and not as vulnerable to infection.

Let her come to you. Tell her asswipe is not yet welcome and you have enough stress to deal with a newborn, a 4year old and recovering from major open surgery without having to deal with his diva behaviour aswell.

 

[lou_w34]

If she really wants to see jax, then she will come to you!

Its too much for you to get a bus with too young children after having a cection!

And id say to her that she is perfectly welcome to come and see jax, but you would appreciate it, if she came alone for the first visit, as you dont feel comfy with her son being there.

 

[Welshcob]

Congrats Dizzy! She should come to you and I would feel the same as you in your shoes, in that its not particularly pleasant for you to face both grand ma and FOB together for the first time. Why not suggest that she drives as you have had a C sec and are not fit to travel for a while.

 

[Ash_P]

Defo have her come to you hun. U dont wanna be jumping on a bus travelling for 2 hours, arrive at her house, and him be there, or the two of u end up not getting on and then ur stuck there nowhere near to ur home and waiting on the next bus home with a new born baby.
If she has an oz of sense she will totally understand that, and certainly shouldnt be expecting u to travel that distant, at this time of year with a wee baby.
Even agree to meet in town near u for coffee and lunch, ease urself in gently and see how u get on and then everytime u meet just extend the time as and when u feel comfortable.
U have 2 wee boys to look after and u cant be doing with stress, esp with only after going thru a section.

Good luck, hope everythings turns out ok xxx

 

[tiggercats]

I agree with the others, she should come to you if she wants to see him. It is too much expecting you to go there by bus with little ones.

 

[suzanne108]

Agree with the others, she should come to see you. In fact, if she's adament that you go to see her I would refuse! Or maybe meet her somewhere that is easy for you to get to??

Also I'd tell you don't feel comfortable with Jaxons dad there and would rather see her alone the first time, its not your fault he's made you feel that way....you wouldn't feel uncomfortable if he wasn't such a tw@t!! xx

 

[lauramarie]

hey congrats on your wee man.

been in same situation and there was no way i was going to her (she lives 3 hours away) so she came up to see him, but wanted ex to meet jake, i refused. the way i see it if he wanted to see him he would ask himself not have his mum pressurising him to do it. i guess i want him to make the effort, which he hasn't done, also haven't heard from his mum again since the visit and it was 8 weeks ago!!

don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with, you don't owe them any favours x