Jealousy...

[CurlySue]

Went to hospital for blood tests during my lunch hour. Unfortunately, the hospital I am going to might as well be a maternity unit.

I got a taxi. Told the driver where I was going and he asked "You pregnant, are you?"

How I wished he had not asked that.

"Most of the girls I drop off there are pregnant, y'see, that's why I asked, and you don't look pregnant."

No, I don't. Not like every other girl standing around looking at the knitted babywear that they sell in reception, buying teddy bears and balloons for their pregnant or just-given-birth friends.

People going in for scans. People taking their babies home in car seats. Everywhere, pregnant women that are not me.

Was standing behind one in the line when I was buying a packet of crisps in the shop. I looked at her. She looked at me. I don't think she realised how much I envied her; how much I was thinking "Why her and not me?" as she held the hands of her two young children.

Why her, having baby number 3 when I cannot even conceive baby number one?

 

[Helen]

CurlySue, that reminded me of when we were doing IVF. For some reason the Assisted Conception Ward was on the same floor as one of the maternity wards.

OMFG! Babies everywhere. Balloons and flowers. It broke my heart every time.

I also found it hard to look at the Thank You wall in the ACU with all the baby pics and they're folks who'd been through the same thing as us (and probably a lot worse in some cases).

People who didn't belt their kids in cars. People shouting at their kids in supermarkets. Anyone who didn't seem to appreciate what a precious gift they had.

 

[CurlySue]

You notice that alot, people who do not appreciate what they have.

I recall reading an interview with Jordan (randomly, not that she does not appreciate what she has, just an example) and she was going on about her boob job. She said, "I can't have another baby until a year after I have the operation. I'll have one as soon as the year's up."

I thought - isn't that lucky? Isn't it lucky that she's so fertile she can just decide to have a baby and it will happen for her, like it's happened for her three times?

I would love to be able to say that.

 

[buffycat]

what really gets me are the people that seem to 'pop' a baby out each year, yet are unfit to be a parent...

 

[CurlySue]

Its just hard. It’s hard people saying “I know how you feel” when they have two little kids at their side. When they have beautiful children in their arms, and they say, “Oh, love, I understand what you are going through.” They don’t. They could not possibly understand. They have felt a baby kick, have felt seen a positive pregnancy test, they have heard someone calling them Mummy, had a child crying out for them. They have felt that unconditional rush of love that people like us can only dream of. And I am jealous of that.