Mary Jo
Mummy to Adam and Joel
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- Jan 5, 2009
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it's long & detailed...
my due date was October 19th, though I disputed it and thought the 23rd was more like it. so when the 19th came and went I wasn't too bothered. when the 23rd came and went I wasn't too bothered either because my son Adam had been 4 days past his EDD. however, Adam had been, not induced, but speeded up after my waters started leaking, so naturally he might have gone a few more days. at 6 days over, I had a sweep, during which cervix was high and posterior but soft and fingertip dilated, and induction was booked for 40+13. however the next day I panicked, and cancelled the induction, and an appt was arranged with the consultant (who I had never seen) to discuss my options the next week.
I booked another sweep for the Saturday, 40+10, hoping against hope that things would be more favourable, had a minor mental collapse when the midwife couldn't reach my cervix and said it would be futile to try because as baby's head was not engaged it would not likely be successful. I got so upset that the mw suggested I talk to one of the labour ward doctors, so I did and she offered to try a sweep, and she was able to reach, although it was still posterior and high, and fit 2 fingers in and did a thorough job.
so I went home, not expecting a lot to happen. aching a lot but I had been anyway and didn't think much of it. It was painful to walk, lots of pressure but nothing I would have said was leading up to labour. with Adam I had had definite period type pains so thought that would happen again. apart from a few traces of plug during the week there were no other signs.
woke a few times in the night to wee, as usual, and about 4am realised that the very low down pain I was having was coming and going. it wasn't like period pain and it wasn't really getting more intense, it was like bad wind/gas pain. but it came, lasted a bit, went, came back... so I decided to start timing them and see if there was a pattern. spent the next hour and a half from 4.30am watching Strictly on the BBC iPlayer on my phone while timing the pains, and sure enough they turned out to be every 6-7 mins and lasting about 45-50 seconds each. not very painful at all, but I was hopeful that it meant something would be happening soonish.
I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep so got up. mindful of the warnings of second labours tending to progress faster than first I was watchful and a bit anxious. went for a walk with my mum, bounced on the ball, a while later put the tens machine on. the pains were more intense for sure, they would stop me in my tracks, but they weren't getting much longer or closer together as the day progressed, which was depressing, as I was worried it would turn out to be a false alarm or very slow labour and I might have days of it and still end up getting induced.
I got to about 4 mins apart and lasting about a minute, which was when I rang the birth centre, at about 3.30pm. wasn't a pleasant call, first the midwife said I wasn't booked in there (I didn't know I had to be, it is part of the hospital, just a set of double doors from the normal delivery suite, but I had seen round it a couple of months previous and was told just to call when in labour) and then she said I wasn't eligible to give birth there, despite everyone I'd seen recently saying I was, because of my history of mental health stuff and current depression, even though I wasn't on medication. I was so upset because if anyone had indicated this I'd never have hinted to anyone how depressed and awful I had been feeling. to be told this when I was in early labour and really hoping to go there, and never being told that apparently there is a 3-page document detailing which women should be excluded made me so angry because so far as anyone said I was in good health, as was baby, previous pregnancy, labour and delivery were normal, baby was head down. the things I thought would exclude me would be if I went over 42 weeks (had to be 37-42 weeks) and if I didn't go into spontaneous labour.
alongside the fear of induction, and the cascade of intervention that so often follows, this was one big reason I was so so anxious and stressed in the last week, that it could all have been going so well but then I'd be denied at the last minute. and then it turned out it shouldn't have been an option anyway. the midwife on the phone was saying there was nothing at the birth centre I wouldn't get on the regular delivery suite. um no, how about the birthing pools. oh yes, no birthing pools on delivery suite. no relaxing atmosphere, no music, no en suite bathroom, no birthing balls or birthing stools either! and at 4 mins apart and lasting 1 min, there wasn't exactly time to make alternative arrangements. she did also tell me that as there was only 1 mw on duty that night it was unlikely I'd have got in anyway.
so I was really upset with this call. she also questioned my contractions because I had this long conversation with her without breaking off to be distracted with pain. I did have some but I was so angry there was no question of not talking through them. also I had accidentally left the tens machine on super high, and didn't really notice them. she said they wanted women to wait till they had 3 contractions in 10 mins. I knew that but had wanted advice. so then, in a fit of pique, I decided to have a bath. we have a gorgeous deep bath at home, but I'd decided not to get in in case it slowed things. since I wasn't getting my water birth I thought I'd see how the water helped the pain. and it didn't make much difference really. which was kind of a relief. however the contractions did slow. maybe it was also getting so angry with the woman at the birth centre, but they went back to 6-7 mins apart, and 45 secs or less. I tried getting them going again, more bouncing, but they were just so irregular. if I walked around they were more intense and shorter and closer together. and mostly they were going from 0-60 in about 3 seconds and then fading, they didn't really build and go down. though that could have been me not noticing the beginning because of the amount of pelvic pain I was in generally (in which case someone else might have timed them as longer).
so a lot later, feeling so discouraged, I decided to go for a walk. it was maybe 9pm. my mum came with me, we ended up being out for an hour and a half, but still they were not getting longer or more frequent. back at home I bounced more. Chris went to bed. my mum went to bed. I sat in the living room by myself and then thought oh eff it, going to ring labour ward and ask advice, I was sure I'd be told to wait longer, but maybe they'd check and at least I might have an idea if anything was happening or if I was in for a really awful long labour. this was just after midnight. I told the midwife I was having contractions since 4am, and now 4 mins apart and 1 min long. which was an exaggeration at that point, but anyway, after I told her it wasn't my first baby she said come straight down. so I got Chris up and off we went. left the bags in the car as we were sure we'd be doing the walk of shame back an hour later. got to labour ward about 1am.
midwife put me straight on a monitor for 10 mins to do a trace. I had 3 contractions in that time, pretty painful, but not terrible. baby was fine. so she examined me. 2cm dilated. early labour. ack, I thought, off we go home again. I was sure they wouldn't admit me till 4cm. midwife said I should walk around a bit. C said something about leaving and coming back but midwife said no, don't do that as I was also very thin and stretchy and waters were bulging, so apparently things would happen quickly once they went. oh shit, I thought... this was about 1.30am.
so there we were in a horrible delivery room. complete opposite to the rooms on the birth centre. I did feel slightly bitter. there was one soft-ish chair, one hard chair and one manky padded stool. and the bed of course. and I thought gah, what a room to be stuck in for hours. grim wasn't the word. wasn't timing the contractions but they were not changed too much from before. pretty painful when I had them but not long or close. I had a can of coke and some crisps and went to the loo. it was all quite dull. Chris persuaded me to take my jeans off in case my waters went with them on, so I did, thinking he was stupid, waters weren't going to go... and then about 2 mins later, just after sitting down on the hard chair and seconds after another midwife (who introduced herself as the one who was going to see to me till the end) walked in, I felt a pop and a gush and there went the waters. all over the floor and the chair. not a huge amount but a fair sized puddle. eeek.
midwife had me get on the bed to be examined and she said something like oh wow, so I was like "oh wow WHAT?" I was 5cm. this was about 45 mins after being at 2cm. so the start of the 1st (active) stage was recorded as 2.15am. loads more water came out, and I felt her scoop something, it was an enormous pile of bloody mucous plug, about the size of a dinner plate. she immediately offered the gas and air. I didn't think I needed it but wasn't going to say no, I thought may as well enjoy it for a few mins... I was fully planning to ask for pethidine, since surely it was still going to be hours away. (was never planning to ask for an epidural, only if I'd ended up not coping because of a long induction.) so off I went with the gas and air. lying on the bed on my side. wasn't being monitored apart for the handheld thing on the baby every so often. the g&a was like being totally drunk, which I haven't experienced in years, and I enjoyed it for about 10 mins. started hallucinating though, the window blinds were moving in the breeze and I was convinced it was me blowing at them and started trying to make them move more. also hallucinated my dead cat Twinkle, which made me cry. the pain was getting a lot worse, and the g&a wasn't doing much for it, so I decided to ask when I'd be getting the pethidine. oh, you wanted pethidine? asked the mw... um yes... um no she said, this is going to be fast and I can't let you have it as it'll affect the baby. OH SH1T. how fast? few hours she said. OH SH1T. this wasn't good!
it goes hazy after this. I remember lying down just being totally methodical about the g&a, long breaths in and out, and then I realised that I was screaming. it sounded like it was coming from far away but I knew it was me, and I wasn't inhibited as I usually would have been. it all just got worse and worse and worse. I was screaming and moaning and in the few lucid moments in between contractions, I was asking again and again for the drugs... and screaming at Chris who was telling me to calm down. (CALM DOWN??? I think I remember telling him to shut the fuck up and then it becoming clear again and he said he hadn't said anything, and I said well don't start or I'll cut your bollocks off slowly with a rusty nail scissors and see how you cope). I was really hysterical anyway. couldn't help it. I remember screaming help me, help me, it HURTS, someone help me, why won't you help me... it wasn't how it was meant to be, it wasn't meant to be THIS fast and utterly overwhelming and horrendous. the g&a wasn't doing shit for pain relief, just sent me loopy.
at some point, I think now, looking back it was transition, I decided I was going home, I was off, and tried to get off the bed. the poor midwife had to get another mw in to help her as I was intent on leaving. obviously I didn't leave. I was screaming 'where the eff IS HE?" meaning the baby, and the midwife, who I thought was rather snappy with me, said I had to lie back on the bed and open my legs to let her see if it was about time to push and then she'd know how far away he was... I wasn't feeling like pushing anyway. I was yelling he isn't ever going to be born HE IS MILES AWAY and she said no, he isn't, he's right there, and I was fully dilated.
I honestly didn't realise this at the time because I was so out of it but at some point the midwife realised that the baby wasn't coping either and his heartrate was dropping. I do remember she was strict and said I had to FOCUS as my baby was tired and we had to get him out. it didn't register with me, what I was suddenly raging about was that after everything ending up totally different than with Adam (I had an epidural after being mildly induced) here I was AGAIN BEING TOLD I HAD TO GIVE BIRTH ON MY BACK. I tried to get up again, tried to go on my side and they forced me back. I know now it was because they were really worried about the baby but I was screaming how I wanted to be off my back. I was also trying to save my pelvis because it was bad with SPD but they had to force my legs apart (and I am paying the price now. and I could still feel that pain distinctly from the horrendous, horrific contraction pain).
so she told me I had to push. well I wasn't feeling much of an urge to push, it was all so overwhelmingly agonising, and she really had to be strict, told me to put my chin on my chest, stop screaming and use the energy to push. I felt so out of control, it felt impossible but I tried my best, pooed on the bed (and couldn't have cared less about that), and pushed and pushed. I screamed for the gas and air and the drugs but she wouldn't let me have the g&a at all in the 2nd stage because I wasn't concentrating properly. midwife called a doctor in, Chris thinks she was thinking I might need an instrumental delivery or more for speed, but I remember the doc looking somewhat dispassionately at the business end and saying no, she's almost there, and left the room (which made me think situation with baby mustn't be that bad else surely I'd be on my way for a c section?)
it all seemed to take ages, then I felt some burning... a different sensation to the horrendous, horrific contractions, comparatively it was a minor stinging feeling, nothing like the ring of fire I was expecting. and then his head was out. and a minute later his body, it felt just like a load of sausages being pulled out. 3.55am. and then - nothing. the pain was gone, like turning off the light. amazing. I became aware that they had whisked baby to the resuscitaire, but I was so out of it still despite not having g&a that I wasn't worried, I didn't really feel much aside from relief it was over. Chris told me later that the cord had been around baby's neck, the mw had released it before his body was born, and C thought baby was going to die because apparently they had a job getting his shoulders round and out. but he was fine. C didn't get to cut the cord and there was no question of him being delivered onto my chest and allow the cord to stop pulsing, but I didn't care. mw gave me the injection for a managed 3rd stage (didn't argue this either since baby was already cut from the cord) and she pulled it out. NOT comfortable but she let me have the g&a back for it.
so eventually they let me have my baby. Joel David. oh! he was so beautiful and big, I fell in love instantly, which I didn't with Adam, though I always loved him but didn't have a rush, a burst of love, that took time as I got to know him and became less scared. I wasn't scared of Joel, he looks so much like Adam that he doesn't feel like a stranger. it was wonderful to get cuddles. he was perfect. small amount of really dark hair. he was weighed and measured - 4,330g, or 9lb 9oz, 37cm (14.4in) head circumference, 57.5cm (22.5cm) long. a big baby.
and they checked me over and found that despite his size and somewhat out of control delivery (though I did as I was told when getting his head out and didn't push or pushed slowly), I only had a couple of 1st degree tears (just skin, not muscle). they decided to stitch them "for cosmetic reasons" which makes me laugh as nobody is ever getting down there to see them ever again anyway!
so after tea and toast they let us get up to the postnatal ward at 7am, where I was going to stay overnight, I had decided I'd stay even if, as I did, I had an early morning birth. with Adam, we had to stay 24 hours because he'd passed meconium, but Joel didn't, though he did poo straightaway after he was born. we had a nice day in the postnatal ward, very relaxed, bonding. Chris went home and came back with Adam and my mum. Adam loves his little brother, he is very sweet with him. we got home yesterday afternoon and all is well. physically I feel like I have been hit by a truck, but emotionally I feel great.
so the stats - Joel David was born at 3.55am, 31st October 2011, after a recorded labour of 1 hour 40 mins. 1st stage was 2.15am-3.30am, 1 hour 15 mins, 2nd stage was 25 mins.
I was on a shell-shocked high afterwards... shocked to have survived the most horrendous experience of my life, proud to have got through on gas and air alone (oh they did give me a couple of paracetamol when I was at 2cm), amazed to have pushed out such a big child with no chemical or instrumental assistance, thrilled with my gorgeous, healthy baby, sad that it was all so overwhelming and panicked and out of control, and that had I been allowed to the birth centre it might have been less terrifying and less completely on my back. but anyway. when I was in it I didn't give a damn that I was in a sterile hospital room. was just glad I had decided to go get checked when I did, given how close I was to my waters going and it all kicking off and going so fast. can't imagine doing all that in the back of an ambulance.
https://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/ariel3112/10a59d20.jpg
1st pic, 15 mins old
https://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/ariel3112/2a572dfb.jpg
chubby cheeks[/url]
https://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/ariel3112/adammumjoel.jpg
meeting big brother and gran
https://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/ariel3112/b1285793.jpg
2 days old
https://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/ariel3112/83e600ab.jpg
today
my due date was October 19th, though I disputed it and thought the 23rd was more like it. so when the 19th came and went I wasn't too bothered. when the 23rd came and went I wasn't too bothered either because my son Adam had been 4 days past his EDD. however, Adam had been, not induced, but speeded up after my waters started leaking, so naturally he might have gone a few more days. at 6 days over, I had a sweep, during which cervix was high and posterior but soft and fingertip dilated, and induction was booked for 40+13. however the next day I panicked, and cancelled the induction, and an appt was arranged with the consultant (who I had never seen) to discuss my options the next week.
I booked another sweep for the Saturday, 40+10, hoping against hope that things would be more favourable, had a minor mental collapse when the midwife couldn't reach my cervix and said it would be futile to try because as baby's head was not engaged it would not likely be successful. I got so upset that the mw suggested I talk to one of the labour ward doctors, so I did and she offered to try a sweep, and she was able to reach, although it was still posterior and high, and fit 2 fingers in and did a thorough job.
so I went home, not expecting a lot to happen. aching a lot but I had been anyway and didn't think much of it. It was painful to walk, lots of pressure but nothing I would have said was leading up to labour. with Adam I had had definite period type pains so thought that would happen again. apart from a few traces of plug during the week there were no other signs.
woke a few times in the night to wee, as usual, and about 4am realised that the very low down pain I was having was coming and going. it wasn't like period pain and it wasn't really getting more intense, it was like bad wind/gas pain. but it came, lasted a bit, went, came back... so I decided to start timing them and see if there was a pattern. spent the next hour and a half from 4.30am watching Strictly on the BBC iPlayer on my phone while timing the pains, and sure enough they turned out to be every 6-7 mins and lasting about 45-50 seconds each. not very painful at all, but I was hopeful that it meant something would be happening soonish.
I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep so got up. mindful of the warnings of second labours tending to progress faster than first I was watchful and a bit anxious. went for a walk with my mum, bounced on the ball, a while later put the tens machine on. the pains were more intense for sure, they would stop me in my tracks, but they weren't getting much longer or closer together as the day progressed, which was depressing, as I was worried it would turn out to be a false alarm or very slow labour and I might have days of it and still end up getting induced.
I got to about 4 mins apart and lasting about a minute, which was when I rang the birth centre, at about 3.30pm. wasn't a pleasant call, first the midwife said I wasn't booked in there (I didn't know I had to be, it is part of the hospital, just a set of double doors from the normal delivery suite, but I had seen round it a couple of months previous and was told just to call when in labour) and then she said I wasn't eligible to give birth there, despite everyone I'd seen recently saying I was, because of my history of mental health stuff and current depression, even though I wasn't on medication. I was so upset because if anyone had indicated this I'd never have hinted to anyone how depressed and awful I had been feeling. to be told this when I was in early labour and really hoping to go there, and never being told that apparently there is a 3-page document detailing which women should be excluded made me so angry because so far as anyone said I was in good health, as was baby, previous pregnancy, labour and delivery were normal, baby was head down. the things I thought would exclude me would be if I went over 42 weeks (had to be 37-42 weeks) and if I didn't go into spontaneous labour.
alongside the fear of induction, and the cascade of intervention that so often follows, this was one big reason I was so so anxious and stressed in the last week, that it could all have been going so well but then I'd be denied at the last minute. and then it turned out it shouldn't have been an option anyway. the midwife on the phone was saying there was nothing at the birth centre I wouldn't get on the regular delivery suite. um no, how about the birthing pools. oh yes, no birthing pools on delivery suite. no relaxing atmosphere, no music, no en suite bathroom, no birthing balls or birthing stools either! and at 4 mins apart and lasting 1 min, there wasn't exactly time to make alternative arrangements. she did also tell me that as there was only 1 mw on duty that night it was unlikely I'd have got in anyway.
so I was really upset with this call. she also questioned my contractions because I had this long conversation with her without breaking off to be distracted with pain. I did have some but I was so angry there was no question of not talking through them. also I had accidentally left the tens machine on super high, and didn't really notice them. she said they wanted women to wait till they had 3 contractions in 10 mins. I knew that but had wanted advice. so then, in a fit of pique, I decided to have a bath. we have a gorgeous deep bath at home, but I'd decided not to get in in case it slowed things. since I wasn't getting my water birth I thought I'd see how the water helped the pain. and it didn't make much difference really. which was kind of a relief. however the contractions did slow. maybe it was also getting so angry with the woman at the birth centre, but they went back to 6-7 mins apart, and 45 secs or less. I tried getting them going again, more bouncing, but they were just so irregular. if I walked around they were more intense and shorter and closer together. and mostly they were going from 0-60 in about 3 seconds and then fading, they didn't really build and go down. though that could have been me not noticing the beginning because of the amount of pelvic pain I was in generally (in which case someone else might have timed them as longer).
so a lot later, feeling so discouraged, I decided to go for a walk. it was maybe 9pm. my mum came with me, we ended up being out for an hour and a half, but still they were not getting longer or more frequent. back at home I bounced more. Chris went to bed. my mum went to bed. I sat in the living room by myself and then thought oh eff it, going to ring labour ward and ask advice, I was sure I'd be told to wait longer, but maybe they'd check and at least I might have an idea if anything was happening or if I was in for a really awful long labour. this was just after midnight. I told the midwife I was having contractions since 4am, and now 4 mins apart and 1 min long. which was an exaggeration at that point, but anyway, after I told her it wasn't my first baby she said come straight down. so I got Chris up and off we went. left the bags in the car as we were sure we'd be doing the walk of shame back an hour later. got to labour ward about 1am.
midwife put me straight on a monitor for 10 mins to do a trace. I had 3 contractions in that time, pretty painful, but not terrible. baby was fine. so she examined me. 2cm dilated. early labour. ack, I thought, off we go home again. I was sure they wouldn't admit me till 4cm. midwife said I should walk around a bit. C said something about leaving and coming back but midwife said no, don't do that as I was also very thin and stretchy and waters were bulging, so apparently things would happen quickly once they went. oh shit, I thought... this was about 1.30am.
so there we were in a horrible delivery room. complete opposite to the rooms on the birth centre. I did feel slightly bitter. there was one soft-ish chair, one hard chair and one manky padded stool. and the bed of course. and I thought gah, what a room to be stuck in for hours. grim wasn't the word. wasn't timing the contractions but they were not changed too much from before. pretty painful when I had them but not long or close. I had a can of coke and some crisps and went to the loo. it was all quite dull. Chris persuaded me to take my jeans off in case my waters went with them on, so I did, thinking he was stupid, waters weren't going to go... and then about 2 mins later, just after sitting down on the hard chair and seconds after another midwife (who introduced herself as the one who was going to see to me till the end) walked in, I felt a pop and a gush and there went the waters. all over the floor and the chair. not a huge amount but a fair sized puddle. eeek.
midwife had me get on the bed to be examined and she said something like oh wow, so I was like "oh wow WHAT?" I was 5cm. this was about 45 mins after being at 2cm. so the start of the 1st (active) stage was recorded as 2.15am. loads more water came out, and I felt her scoop something, it was an enormous pile of bloody mucous plug, about the size of a dinner plate. she immediately offered the gas and air. I didn't think I needed it but wasn't going to say no, I thought may as well enjoy it for a few mins... I was fully planning to ask for pethidine, since surely it was still going to be hours away. (was never planning to ask for an epidural, only if I'd ended up not coping because of a long induction.) so off I went with the gas and air. lying on the bed on my side. wasn't being monitored apart for the handheld thing on the baby every so often. the g&a was like being totally drunk, which I haven't experienced in years, and I enjoyed it for about 10 mins. started hallucinating though, the window blinds were moving in the breeze and I was convinced it was me blowing at them and started trying to make them move more. also hallucinated my dead cat Twinkle, which made me cry. the pain was getting a lot worse, and the g&a wasn't doing much for it, so I decided to ask when I'd be getting the pethidine. oh, you wanted pethidine? asked the mw... um yes... um no she said, this is going to be fast and I can't let you have it as it'll affect the baby. OH SH1T. how fast? few hours she said. OH SH1T. this wasn't good!
it goes hazy after this. I remember lying down just being totally methodical about the g&a, long breaths in and out, and then I realised that I was screaming. it sounded like it was coming from far away but I knew it was me, and I wasn't inhibited as I usually would have been. it all just got worse and worse and worse. I was screaming and moaning and in the few lucid moments in between contractions, I was asking again and again for the drugs... and screaming at Chris who was telling me to calm down. (CALM DOWN??? I think I remember telling him to shut the fuck up and then it becoming clear again and he said he hadn't said anything, and I said well don't start or I'll cut your bollocks off slowly with a rusty nail scissors and see how you cope). I was really hysterical anyway. couldn't help it. I remember screaming help me, help me, it HURTS, someone help me, why won't you help me... it wasn't how it was meant to be, it wasn't meant to be THIS fast and utterly overwhelming and horrendous. the g&a wasn't doing shit for pain relief, just sent me loopy.
at some point, I think now, looking back it was transition, I decided I was going home, I was off, and tried to get off the bed. the poor midwife had to get another mw in to help her as I was intent on leaving. obviously I didn't leave. I was screaming 'where the eff IS HE?" meaning the baby, and the midwife, who I thought was rather snappy with me, said I had to lie back on the bed and open my legs to let her see if it was about time to push and then she'd know how far away he was... I wasn't feeling like pushing anyway. I was yelling he isn't ever going to be born HE IS MILES AWAY and she said no, he isn't, he's right there, and I was fully dilated.
I honestly didn't realise this at the time because I was so out of it but at some point the midwife realised that the baby wasn't coping either and his heartrate was dropping. I do remember she was strict and said I had to FOCUS as my baby was tired and we had to get him out. it didn't register with me, what I was suddenly raging about was that after everything ending up totally different than with Adam (I had an epidural after being mildly induced) here I was AGAIN BEING TOLD I HAD TO GIVE BIRTH ON MY BACK. I tried to get up again, tried to go on my side and they forced me back. I know now it was because they were really worried about the baby but I was screaming how I wanted to be off my back. I was also trying to save my pelvis because it was bad with SPD but they had to force my legs apart (and I am paying the price now. and I could still feel that pain distinctly from the horrendous, horrific contraction pain).
so she told me I had to push. well I wasn't feeling much of an urge to push, it was all so overwhelmingly agonising, and she really had to be strict, told me to put my chin on my chest, stop screaming and use the energy to push. I felt so out of control, it felt impossible but I tried my best, pooed on the bed (and couldn't have cared less about that), and pushed and pushed. I screamed for the gas and air and the drugs but she wouldn't let me have the g&a at all in the 2nd stage because I wasn't concentrating properly. midwife called a doctor in, Chris thinks she was thinking I might need an instrumental delivery or more for speed, but I remember the doc looking somewhat dispassionately at the business end and saying no, she's almost there, and left the room (which made me think situation with baby mustn't be that bad else surely I'd be on my way for a c section?)
it all seemed to take ages, then I felt some burning... a different sensation to the horrendous, horrific contractions, comparatively it was a minor stinging feeling, nothing like the ring of fire I was expecting. and then his head was out. and a minute later his body, it felt just like a load of sausages being pulled out. 3.55am. and then - nothing. the pain was gone, like turning off the light. amazing. I became aware that they had whisked baby to the resuscitaire, but I was so out of it still despite not having g&a that I wasn't worried, I didn't really feel much aside from relief it was over. Chris told me later that the cord had been around baby's neck, the mw had released it before his body was born, and C thought baby was going to die because apparently they had a job getting his shoulders round and out. but he was fine. C didn't get to cut the cord and there was no question of him being delivered onto my chest and allow the cord to stop pulsing, but I didn't care. mw gave me the injection for a managed 3rd stage (didn't argue this either since baby was already cut from the cord) and she pulled it out. NOT comfortable but she let me have the g&a back for it.
so eventually they let me have my baby. Joel David. oh! he was so beautiful and big, I fell in love instantly, which I didn't with Adam, though I always loved him but didn't have a rush, a burst of love, that took time as I got to know him and became less scared. I wasn't scared of Joel, he looks so much like Adam that he doesn't feel like a stranger. it was wonderful to get cuddles. he was perfect. small amount of really dark hair. he was weighed and measured - 4,330g, or 9lb 9oz, 37cm (14.4in) head circumference, 57.5cm (22.5cm) long. a big baby.
and they checked me over and found that despite his size and somewhat out of control delivery (though I did as I was told when getting his head out and didn't push or pushed slowly), I only had a couple of 1st degree tears (just skin, not muscle). they decided to stitch them "for cosmetic reasons" which makes me laugh as nobody is ever getting down there to see them ever again anyway!
so after tea and toast they let us get up to the postnatal ward at 7am, where I was going to stay overnight, I had decided I'd stay even if, as I did, I had an early morning birth. with Adam, we had to stay 24 hours because he'd passed meconium, but Joel didn't, though he did poo straightaway after he was born. we had a nice day in the postnatal ward, very relaxed, bonding. Chris went home and came back with Adam and my mum. Adam loves his little brother, he is very sweet with him. we got home yesterday afternoon and all is well. physically I feel like I have been hit by a truck, but emotionally I feel great.
so the stats - Joel David was born at 3.55am, 31st October 2011, after a recorded labour of 1 hour 40 mins. 1st stage was 2.15am-3.30am, 1 hour 15 mins, 2nd stage was 25 mins.
I was on a shell-shocked high afterwards... shocked to have survived the most horrendous experience of my life, proud to have got through on gas and air alone (oh they did give me a couple of paracetamol when I was at 2cm), amazed to have pushed out such a big child with no chemical or instrumental assistance, thrilled with my gorgeous, healthy baby, sad that it was all so overwhelming and panicked and out of control, and that had I been allowed to the birth centre it might have been less terrifying and less completely on my back. but anyway. when I was in it I didn't give a damn that I was in a sterile hospital room. was just glad I had decided to go get checked when I did, given how close I was to my waters going and it all kicking off and going so fast. can't imagine doing all that in the back of an ambulance.
https://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/ariel3112/10a59d20.jpg
1st pic, 15 mins old
https://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/ariel3112/2a572dfb.jpg
chubby cheeks[/url]
https://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/ariel3112/adammumjoel.jpg
meeting big brother and gran
https://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/ariel3112/b1285793.jpg
2 days old
https://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/ariel3112/83e600ab.jpg
today
x
he is beautiful!!! xxx
