Journaling my frustrations

[SLevin88]

My husband and I have been trying for baby #1 for 2 years now. We've been pregnant and miscarried only once, in the first year of trying, and haven't gotten pregnant since. I'm amazed at how frustrating, hurtful, and confusing this process is. And the longer it takes, the more I'm not sure we can do this...

I started an online journal to document my thoughts last week. Hopefully it will help me deal with this time of life, and maybe find some friends to band together with along the way. Here's what I wrote today, in light of a conversation I had with some dumb people who meant well...

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO'S TRYING TO GET PREGNANT

“Just relax, it’ll happen.”

“Don’t stress about it. And have sex a lot. That’s how we got pregnant.”

“My cousin tried for seven years and still doesn’t have a kid.”

Can I just tell you: people are absolutely wonderful, caring, and well-meaning…and incredibly stupid.

Anyone who’s struggling to get pregnant knows what I’m talking about. I’ve heard more “what did you just say to me!?” sentiments than I care to remember, most of which came from people who really do care about us and our journey. But it still hurts like a punch to the boob when they start spouting irrational anecdotes or unhelpful “tips” for getting pregnant…or even worse, say things to “lighten the mood”.

Some of my favorite ones so far:

“YOU GUYS SUCK AT MAKING BABIES. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN NOW? FIVE YEARS?”
(This was from a close relative. He’s very lucky that I didn’t make him a deceased relative.)

“HOW LONG HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN TRYING? HAVE YOU TRIED XYZ METHOD? IT WORKED FOR MY SISTER.”
(That one was from an acquaintance of mine. She also spent an hour explaining to me how a period works, because you know, I have no idea how my body works.)

“JUST RELAX. DON’T STRESS ABOUT IT. WE STOPPED THINKING ABOUT IT LAST MONTH AND BAM! NOW WE’RE PREGNANT.”
(This one is by far the most common response, one I often hear from complete strangers. It’s also the most infuriating.)

I get that these people are trying to “help” but here’s the reality: there’s almost nothing you could say that will help.

I want kids, I currently can’t have kids, and I’ve probably already heard of, tried, or failed at anything you can suggest.

Does this mean you shouldn’t try and offer support to those of us who are struggling to conceive offspring?

Absolutely not.

In fact, I’ll probably think you’re a total jerk if you don’t try and offer me some words of encouragement because this is freaking hard, and everyone should know it!

For those of you with friends, relatives, acquaintances, or even enemies who are struggling to have a child, please know that this is both an extremely painful and incredibly enlightening process. It’s both infuriating and very educational. It has changed my entire person, in both bad ways and good ways.

It’s also an exhausting journey that comes with some serious baggage. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been trying for a month, six months, or six years - the pain is still the same. Couples going through any kind of infertility (and I do mean couples – it’s not just women who struggle with feelings of inadequacy when trying to conceive) feel a non-stop rollercoaster of emotions. This can range anywhere from sadness, despair, doubt, frustration, anxiety, grief, sorrow, anger, fury, jealousy, spite, greed, and confusion to the ultimate form of faith, trust, elation, peace, enlightenment, comprehension, joy, appreciation, gratitude, camaraderie, and a deep sense of self.

Sometimes you feel all those crazy emotions in one day.

It’s a lot to process and a lot to cope with, but it’s amazing what the side effects from all that emotional baggage eventually turns out to be. There’s more to people who go through this than meets the eye…

For example: I’ve learned that I have more emotional strength than I initially thought. I can feel things deeply without judging myself for them, and have a higher tolerance for the emotions of others. I have a much deeper appreciation for the people around me, especially my family members.

I’ve also noticed that my sense of awe for all things biological is through the roof. I have a much deeper appreciation for the things my body can do, like breathe, pump blood through my veins, think, walk, run, dance, and just exist. And even though it’s been forced, I’ve developed an extreme level of patience for life’s pace. I’m much more inspiring to myself than I ever thought I would be. I’ve learned more about my marriage and my inner self through struggling than I ever will by easily achieving my dreams.

If you’ve never struggled with infertility before, think of it like this:

Struggling to have a child is like building a rocket ship without instructions, expert assistance, or even basic parts, for some people. Most of the assembly is confusing and frustrating; it can seem daunting and futile. But in the end, you get to go to the moon…so it’s all worth it.

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO’S TRYING TO CONCEIVE
To those of you who know someone who’s struggling to conceive, pay close attention. Under no circumstances are you to ever say any of the following to your fellow humans, for any reason. Especially if you don’t want us to slash your tires the day before you have a meeting about your big promotion at work…

“Just relax. It’ll happen…”

…or any other form of this sentiment. This is like saying all I have to do is go home, drink some red wine and watch Netflix for three hours and I’ll magically get pregnant. That’s not how babies work, and “relaxing” won’t do anything but make me wear pajama pants more than I already do.

“Have you tried this…”

…or this, or this or this? Yes. Yes. And yes. I’ve tried it all. I’ve heard of everything, and I don’t need your advice. I have a doctor, I see a therapist, and I don’t need one more person giving me advice on how to create life.

“You haven’t been trying that long, it takes time…”

…are you kidding me? I understand that to you I haven’t been trying that long. But your opinion of my timeframe is completely unwanted and irrelevant. Come back and talk to me when you’ve trained for the Olympics all day, every day, for 730 days straight and still haven’t been invited to the opening ceremonies. Yeah, it’s like that.

“My sister and her husband had seven miscarriages and had to eventually adopt because she went into early menopause. It could be worse.”

…while I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, and ultimately feel hard core awful for your sister and her husband, telling me some sort of horror story about someone who has it worse than me does nothing but make me feel bad for humanity. And that’s way worse than me just feeling bad for myself. Stop that. Right now. And then go home and hug your sister, jeeze…

“Oh man. I feel bad for you guys.”

…DO NOT, under any circumstances, PITY ME. That is the worst form of trying to console someone, and I wish humans didn’t have the ability to pity people. I would rather you say nothing at all, than tell me how bad you feel for me, and how sad it is that I can’t conceive. I’ll hate you less for saying nothing.

WHAT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO’S TRYING TO CONCEIVE
Here’s what you should say, instead:

“Wow. That’s a super intense struggle, for sure.”

…thank you for just agreeing with me. Tell me that this is the stupidest thing that anyone has ever gone through. Tell me that you get that I’m hurting, and that if you could, you’d punch that jerk Infertility right in his hairy, ugly face for me. Then I’ll feel better.

“What have you guys tried so far? You’re very brave for soldering on.”

…Yes. Yes I am brave. And probably extremely well educated. I would love, just once, for someone to just ask me what we’re doing, not tell me what they think we should be doing. Also, a little flattery never hurts.

“Babies are worth it. My husband and I struggled too. I get it.”

…this is a huge one. If you’ve ever struggled with getting pregnant, or lost a child, or miscarried, or had any conflict with becoming a parent at all, please be brave and tell me. Please open up to me and share your struggle. I can’t do this alone, and I need to know that I’m not the only human on earth who’s going through this.

And to those of you struggling on this road we call, “Why can’t I just have a freaking kid already?!”, I feel you. I hear you. I relate to you. Some days are better than others (and some are the worst we’ve ever had), but it’s gotta be worth it in the end. There’s always an end, even if it seems like forever away.

Because babies are freaking adorable, messy, tragic, beautiful little bundles of half me, half the most important person in my life (my husband), which is worth the struggle it takes to create one. And I can’t wait until the day when I can."

 

[HopefulB]

Thank you so much for posting this! It feels like you have read my mind and written this post for me! I know people mean well but if one more person says, 'Just relax and enjoy this part of making a baby' I will actually scream at them!
Even a nurse at the hospital told me to, 'Just relax and be grateful you get a break' when I called to ask when I should expect my period to come back. (this was 6 months after a lap and coil being removed) Not helpful!!
Oh and why do people say things like, 'keep practising' I know how to have sex thank you very much I don't need to 'practice' that's just insulting!!

 

[BSN2MOM]

Yes! I think this is a great post! I haven't had nearly the struggle that you've endured but I love and admire your bravery to share! It would have been so nice for the first time to be a hit but that's not the road we're walking here...
I have a lot of co-workers say "Oh, I'm just super fertile so we have to be careful not to have another one." and that burns me. Like, OK so, I'm just not fertile? Then it turns into this cycle of 'this must be my fault.' When I don't know any of that for sure! Either way, we've got to support each other here, and I thank you so much for this insightful and well written post!!!

 

[SLevin88]

HopefulB, I totally understand. I don't even know how I restrain myself from slapping people on the daily! I'm assuming people just don't know what to say, so they just offer the first thing that comes into their head? It's ridiculous for sure...You're not alone girl, we're both soldiering on together!

And thank you for your kind words BSN2MOM. Even if you haven't had the same experiences as others on this forum, your struggles are still just as valid! Who on earth says they're just "super fertile" to someone else? I wouldn't even say that to my own family! It's absolutely not your fault, although I get that it's impossible not to blame yourself. If we could, we would all just choose to get pregnant easily, it's not our "fault" that we can't. I appreciate you being so kind.

I wrote a bit more today, do you ladies want to read it?

HOW TO TRY FOR BABIES - OPK TESTING

"We’ve been trying for babies for 2 years now.

In the grand scheme of things, that’s not very long – but it feels like an eternity.

There’s no end to the things we’ve tried to get this thing going. We’ve had sex backwards. I’ve stood on my head for 10 minutes after doing it (I don’t recommend this). I’ve given up coffee, and drank way too much coffee. I’ve stuck to a strictly Paleo diet, and eaten nothing but ding dongs and pretzels and cheese for two weeks. I’ve even participated in a fertility meditation program every day for a month straight…

In short…we’ve tried a lot of stuff to put a baby in there.

These lovely attempts at conceiving our own spawn have been oh so much fun, but by far, my favorite (and most OCD inducing) instrument has to be those stupid OPK’s.

If you don’t know what an OPK is, think of a small little stick that you pee on every morning which tells you exactly how much crazy you have in your system. Literally, it’s an “ovulation predictor kit” and it’s supposed to tell you when your body is getting ready to spit out an uncatchable egg, and when you and your significant other are supposed to sprint to the bedroom to baby-make like rabbits. (You have no choice, as soon as that thing says it’s go time, it’s go time. Even if it’s in the middle of a new House of Cards episode). It’s a tiny torture device, made only for cycle-obsessed women who need to know every little detail about what’s in their pee.

Every day is the same thing:

1. Wake up. Don’t move. Take your temperature before getting up to pee because if you move, you’ll instantly change your temperature just by rolling over, getting up, or even breathing. So don’t breathe either.

2. After taking your temperature, quickly get up and run to the bathroom to pee because you’ve been holding it all night so you can get an accurate OPK prediction this morning. Don’t worry about the fact that you’re basically peeing all over your hands because it’s 6AM and you have to test at “around the same time” each day according to the package…and 6AM is as long as you can hold it.

3. Gather some pee in a cup. Take your Advanced OPK test and dunk that sucker as deep into the cup as you can…because more pee obviously means a better test result. Count to 15, then add 3 more because you’re so exhausted that you can’t remember if you skipped 11-13. Keep the pee in the cup in your cupboard just in case the test doesn’t work and you need to waste another $0.50 test stick, but not anywhere your husband can find it, because he thinks it’s “gross”. No shit.

4. Stand there long enough while trying not to fall back asleep on your feet so you can check the test and see whether it’s working. Once it starts working, head back to bed and roll up in the sheets which are now cold since you’ve been out of them too long.

5. For the next 10 minutes while the test works, lay wide awake and contemplate why you’re even trying for babies. Try not to think about your friend’s adorable kids, or your sibling’s adorable baby, or the fact that you’re pretty sure you’re broken and you won’t ever be able to have a child of your own.

6. Check the test every 2 minutes while you’re “Debbie-Downing” on your life.
When the test comes up with yet another “you’re not even close to ovulating yet”, remind yourself that there’s starving children in Africa…or whatever else you usually tell yourself so that you don’t break that stupid test in half.

And this is just when you’re ovulating. Imagine having to chart, journal, scrutinize, mathematically calculate and obsess over every bodily function you’ve had for 3 weeks out of every single month..."

This journaling definitely helps! Thanks for reading!

 

[HopefulB]

Your journal helps me! Thanks for a laugh I was picturing myself doing all those things every morning!! My husband asked what the cup was doing in the bathroom the other day and when I explained he said gross do you have to keep it in the bathroom! I nearly threw the cup at him! The things we have to do

 

[BSN2MOM]

"If you don’t know what an OPK is, think of a small little stick that you pee on every morning which tells you exactly how much crazy you have in your system."
LOL!! I just started using OPKs this month just to see if I can pin point around what time I O due to fluctuating cycle lengths but this just made me laugh so hard! What keeps me sane is "no bun in the oven = more margaritas!"

 

[cutestuff]

Originally I wasn't going to post but I've followed your thread and I felt compelled to say I admire you. It took me 10 months of active trying to get my dd and before ttc I hadn't been on birth control for around 5 years. I had some of those gay comments from people who don't know any better but more than anything it helps me understand more from another persons view point what it might be like to have years of active ttc under your belt and watch everyone else around you get that elusive sticky bfp.
I hope things go well for you and thank you for bravely sharing what many women are too ashamed to admit.

 

[KatO79]

Wow I love your post! As a former LTTTCer myself (took 2 years and 3-4 months, 6 IUIs and 2 IVFs with 1 confirmed and 1 "unconfirmed" CP along the way), I can totally recognise so many of your thoughts and feelings. Plus a few of the stupid things people say, the most popular in my circle was "Just relax and it'll happen!" mostly from my MIL Oh and I had someone trying to convince me that I must not be Oing at all because that was the problem for 2 of her friends even though all the testing I'd been through showed I was Oing regularly so that wasn't the issue at all in my case but she refused to get it I think people truely do feel like they're trying to be helpful and supportive, at least for the most part (some are just straight up stupid in their comments though, your close relative's comment being one of them!), they just don't know how to relate because they haven't been through the struggle themselves so they are clueless on what to say. I btw find the person that said someone had to adopt so "it could be worse" as actually rather insulting and nasty, adoption is a wonderful thing and an adopted child is not less someone's child than if they had been biologically related.

I can tell you that even though DH and I kicked unexplained infertility's butt, I still feel like that the 2 year struggle has left it's marks on me and even though I have a beautiful, adoreable son to show for it (he'll be 4 months on February 5th), I'll probably never completely "get over" the struggle I went through to have him although he was totally, totally worth all the tears and pain I went through!

I'll be following you, rooting for you and hoping that your baby is soon a reality

 

[SLevin88]

Thank you so much for your kind words ladies! It's amazing just how many of us struggle with this burden, and most unfortunately, how many struggle in silence because they can't tell their husbands or mothers or mother-in-laws. (Seriously, it seems to be the people closest to us who just can't seem to get a clue sometimes...)

I'm always inspired by everyone I meet who has gone through this and conquered it, and I'm especially inspired by those who have gone through this and haven't succeeded, but haven't given up. There's a power to women that's unshakable. When we want something, we really go for it! And in a way that truly speaks wonders about our gender.

I wrote more for you ladies this week! Hope you like it:

"BABY MAKING: ALL TOGETHER NOW!

Literally half of all the times we’ve "done it" this year have been in the name of babies. My husband now has a wonderful phrase that he yells right before we have to baby-make, which sounds similar to a Braveheart battle cry: “For babbbbiiieeeessss!”

Sexy? Nope. A turn on? Absolutely not. But it makes me laugh every time…(Damn my stupid sense of humor).

Baby making sex is just that: it’s sex for the sake of babies. Which for us usually turns into ten minutes of uncontrollable laughter while we try and get it over with so we can go watch Conan.

It’s an embarrassing, eye-rolling, ridiculous-yet-hilairous moment of human interaction. But how else are we going to get offspring that will support us in our old age? Or change our adult diapers for us after we’ve become senile?

Exactly. We need kids so we have an excuse to go to Ruby Tuesdays every Tuesday because kids eat free. And I don’t have to pay, so give me some of your fries, kid…I birthed you, you owe me.

So cue sappy music, get those candles out and put on your best baby-making lingerie, because this one’s gonna be fun…

HOW TO MAKE A BABY
First, let’s get one thing straight: you’re going to have sex – a lot. Like more than you want to. Way more. In fact, you’re probably going to get to the point where you’re going to get sick of sex, which is a literary travesty. (No one should ever get sick of having sex.)

Second, remember that this is for babies, so don’t mess it up. No matter how not-in-the-mood you’re feeling, no matter how much food you ate for lunch; no matter how steamy the new episode of The Tudors is on Netflix, you better get your butt in that bed and get to dancing. Because babies don’t make themselves.

If you don’t have a good plan for your baby-making, here’s a good system:

1. Start off by setting up some sort of period/cycle tracking system on your phone. There’s literally hundreds of cycle-tracking apps which all promise to provide you with the absolute best algorithms and mathematical equations to help you thoroughly obsess over every bodily function you’re currently experiencing. (Here’s another good way to obsess: get yourself some OPK’s).

2. Check that stupid app literally every three hours before you get home and start baby-making because, you never know. Something might magically change on there. And we all know that anything put into that stupid app is automatically algorithmed into magic baby potion that will tell you the exact moment your man should provide you with baby juice. So don’t forget to check it three more times before you do it. Because science.

3. When you get home, make sure your husband knows what night it is by awkwardly referencing the fact that, “It’s been two days since we’ve had sex, honey,” and “So what do you think, should we do it tonight?”, and “You’re looking fit. Do you work out?” If that doesn’t work, stare at him creepily on the couch while he flips through channels until he notices your creepy stare and finally asks you if you want to go to the bedroom and baby dance. As a last resort, chase him in there with a fork.

4. Once you’re both in the room and the lights are low, put on your best “I’m so into this.” face and get to it. Sometimes baby making makes getting in the mood slightly difficult – this is completely normal. (Nobody wants to exercise this much. And yes, I count sex as exercise.)

5. Pat yourselves on the back for accomplishing your goal of having sex every day for two years in a row! (Sort of). You took one for the team. Be sure to high-five your partner for a job-well-completed…you gave up Conan for this.

6. After your joyous interaction, grab a pillow, shove it under your hips, then break out some Plants Versus Zombies on your phone and sit there for the next 20 minutes with your legs splaying weirdly in the air like you’re a recovering Cirque du Soleil acrobat. There’s no shame in this. Gravity is a thing, and you read somewhere that elevating your hips after sex can help guide those little spermies to their destination. Plus, it gives you a chance to seriously smash some zombies.

Normal people (anyone who’s not trying to have kids) won’t understand this system, but no need to worry. No one will ever know just how crazy baby making sex is except for you and me…"

I need to journal more about our journey soon, it's been a wild ride, that's for sure! If you want to follow me, my journal is here: notquitenewlyweds.com

 

[SLevin88]

Also, I just wanted to say I feel you, KatO79. The scars from this never go away. It's deep, hidden, in our hearts, even after the initial pain is over. It's tender but gives us such strength, that we never would have known without it. I'm so glad you have a baby in your arms to show for your hard work and dedication. Kiss that little guy every day, and tell him you fought hard for him. He'll know and appreciate strong women because of it.

Love, to you and yours.

 

[KatO79]

Also, I just wanted to say I feel you, KatO79. The scars from this never go away. It's deep, hidden, in our hearts, even after the initial pain is over. It's tender but gives us such strength, that we never would have known without it. I'm so glad you have a baby in your arms to show for your hard work and dedication. Kiss that little guy every day, and tell him you fought hard for him. He'll know and appreciate strong women because of it.

Love, to you and yours.

Thanks SLevin88 I hope you very soon have your own bundle to give love, you deserve it

As for the "planned" BDing, I know DH and I would do that as well. He was sometimes bad at remembering so I'd let him know and proudly show pics of a positive OPK, very sexy and a real turn on I'm sure, "Honey, look at this stick I peed on!" I also tried the legs up in the air thing as well a few times, never worked and I think the spermy do get up there if we're legs up or not. I think I just tried after a while to lie down for as long as possible so less fell out although I'm not sure that's much better I never got into the whole app thing though although I did track my cycles for 3-4 months by BBT but would just use Excel to follow my cycles. Never really appealed to me and felt it was stressing me out so stopped doing it as I felt it in that way was counterproductive.

 

[SLevin88]

Ha! I'm glad I'm not the only one who tried these "methods". Most of them I'm sure are just myth, but it was fun to test them out anyways. I think after a while my husband got so used to seeing so many peed-on sticks, it stopped bothering him. Now he just laughs and says, "Good job honey. Way to ovulate."

The one thing I wasn't really expecting was to struggle at all. I think that's why this process is so much harder than I thought it would be - I didn't think I was "infertile"! So now I'm dealing with the shock that maybe I'm not "normal" (what IS normal), along with feelings of "This sucks." It's all just a numbers game.

Hopefully someday our numbers will add up. 1+1 has to equal baby eventually right??

 

[KatO79]

Ha! I'm glad I'm not the only one who tried these "methods". Most of them I'm sure are just myth, but it was fun to test them out anyways. I think after a while my husband got so used to seeing so many peed-on sticks, it stopped bothering him. Now he just laughs and says, "Good job honey. Way to ovulate."

The one thing I wasn't really expecting was to struggle at all. I think that's why this process is so much harder than I thought it would be - I didn't think I was "infertile"! So now I'm dealing with the shock that maybe I'm not "normal" (what IS normal), along with feelings of "This sucks." It's all just a numbers game.

Hopefully someday our numbers will add up. 1+1 has to equal baby eventually right??

Nope I think plenty of women have tried all this, even some of the fertile ones because they want it to happen faster Ha, your DH sounds like a good one Mine never really commented them actually, guess he was at a loss for words

I think the vast majority don't see infertility coming unless you know of a condition you have or had that decreases fertility e.g. PCOS. I was 34½ when we started TTCing and I thought that it would maybe take a bit longer given I have "old" eggs but I didn't think it would be the battle it ended up being Ah, normal is overrated anyway, right I unfortunately think infertility is on the rise so one day it may become the new "normal" Imagine the more fertile people getting the same kind of treatment we get in the future and being made to feel broken for getting pregnant so easily!

I'm definitely hoping things soon turn around for you and will add up in your case

 

[SLevin88]

Ha! I really hope no women ever has to go through the struggle of infertility. Let's all just hope for easy pregnancies and easy babies for everyone!

Journaling has really helped to keep me sane, for sure. Sometimes I get stuck, and don't know what to write about, but it helps to talk to other ladies who have experienced the same things. I always get great ideas from chatting with friends!

Are you and your husband currently trying for another? It seems like everywhere I look there's cute pregnant ladies

 

[KatO79]

Ha! I really hope no women ever has to go through the struggle of infertility. Let's all just hope for easy pregnancies and easy babies for everyone!

Journaling has really helped to keep me sane, for sure. Sometimes I get stuck, and don't know what to write about, but it helps to talk to other ladies who have experienced the same things. I always get great ideas from chatting with friends!

Are you and your husband currently trying for another? It seems like everywhere I look there's cute pregnant ladies

So true!

I also found journaling to be helpful, I had a LTTTC journal and it was nice to talk about what I was feeling and what was going on and get supportive comments. I don't think I wrote every day, it depended on how much was going on.

With baby turning only 4 months on February 5th, I think we have our hands full as it is He's currently in a fussy period and started sleeping poorly about 2 weeks ago, going from 3-4 hours at night between feedings (I breastfeed) to 1-2 hours now (most now being 1 hour) Plus I had a planned c-section due to they thought he was a big baby of 4.7 kg (anything 4.5 kg or more is considered a big baby here) but he ended up only being a tad over 4.0 kg. They told me not to give birth again until 2+ years after he was born due to the increased risk my uterus scar could rupture during a contraction. Although giving birth would most likely mean another section as they highly recommended me not to do a vaginal birth and to get a planned c-section again. DH and I still aren't 100% sure of having another one though (DH is mostly leaning towards our son being an only child while I'm undecided) so we'll see how we feel when he's closer to 3 years old.

 

[hubbardalicia]

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Bloblo]

I laughed a bit and cried a bit... so much of this rings true and its good not to be alone.
Those of you who are up to it can stalk my journal too (link in signature).

 

[SLevin88]

KatO79 That sounds super intense! Every birth is definitely one of a kind. I'm glad everything turned out ok for you and your family though! Do the doctors think you'll eventually heal from that scar tissue?

There's no rush when it comes to trying again, or ever if that's how your family wishes it! That's the great part about families. They can be complete at any size!

 

[KatO79]

KatO79 That sounds super intense! Every birth is definitely one of a kind. I'm glad everything turned out ok for you and your family though! Do the doctors think you'll eventually heal from that scar tissue?

There's no rush when it comes to trying again, or ever if that's how your family wishes it! That's the great part about families. They can be complete at any size!

Yep but it takes 2 years before my uterus can handle another pregnancy and any contractions I might get if e.g. I go into labour before the planned c-section.

So true although I'm sure lots of people will be pushing for us to have a 2nd baby People here tend to have at least 2 children because they think only children are lonely so it's better to have a playmate or two in the form of a sibling or two. Also some feel only children grow up to be selfish and entitled but I've seen plenty of children with a sibling that are like that so think how you raise them is the most important factor. I'm definitely only going to have another if I want another, not because I want to create a playmate for my current child as I'm sure he'll make plenty of friends which can sometimes be better than a sibling.

 

[SLevin88]

Yep but it takes 2 years before my uterus can handle another pregnancy and any contractions I might get if e.g. I go into labour before the planned c-section.

So true although I'm sure lots of people will be pushing for us to have a 2nd baby People here tend to have at least 2 children because they think only children are lonely so it's better to have a playmate or two in the form of a sibling or two. Also some feel only children grow up to be selfish and entitled but I've seen plenty of children with a sibling that are like that so think how you raise them is the most important factor. I'm definitely only going to have another if I want another, not because I want to create a playmate for my current child as I'm sure he'll make plenty of friends which can sometimes be better than a sibling.

We have that pressure here too. Although people in the US aren't having as many kids as they used to. I think the average used to be around 5 in the 70's, now it's down to 1-2.

What's your sons name? I have tons of baby names already picked out for when we get there!