Judgement on close age gap

[maryanne1987]

I'm so fed up of it. All I get from people, doctors, midwives is 'oh I'm guessing this one was a suprise' or 'was this one a happy little accident?'. Actually no, we found out we had a low egg count a decided to bring forward ttc. Then they proceed to tell me how crazy we are, how difficult it will be etc. Why are people so rude? I would never ask someone that. We had similar when having our dd as there was a ten year age gap and then everyone wanted to know why. Is any one else facing constant criticism over being pregnant? I just feel like screaming mind your own buisness at them!

 

[Jessicahide]

Don't feel bad, people say the same crap with big age gaps too, i have had some fairly funny ones i have a 9,5 and 8 month old, i am also 16 weeks pregnant, when i took the little one for his jabs the nurse asked if the little one and bump had different dads to the older two... you know, as when people get a new boyfriend they tend to have children in "clusters" .... Also had people say "oh you had such massive gaps (insinuating i struggled to get pregnant) and now look at you, two in two years..... It's only ever taken me a month to fall pregnant, they were the gaps we chose.....

 

[Nikko88]

People say stupid things. I just smile and nod. We were going to have a gap of 18 month between the first and starting to conceive, but a double ovulation through the family planning out the window by 2 months. First will be just beyond her 2nd birthday before the second arrive. That seems to be long just enough that people don't ask about it. We are both 40, so waiting longer was only going to decrease our chances. I completely understand going for it.

My brother and I are 11 months apart in age. He was definitely and oops, but so was I. My parents heard about it from everyone. But it made no difference to us as kids.

 

[Jessicahide]

People say stupid things. I just smile and nod. We were going to have a gap of 18 month between the first and starting to conceive, but a double ovulation through the family planning out the window by 2 months. First will be just beyond her 2nd birthday before the second arrive. That seems to be long just enough that people don't ask about it. We are both 40, so waiting longer was only going to decrease our chances. I completely understand going for it.

My brother and I are 11 months apart in age. He was definitely and oops, but so was I. My parents heard about it from everyone. But it made no difference to us as kids.

I agree with this, think like the penguins in madagasca "Just smile and wave boys, just smile and wave...." :wave:

 

[maryanne1987]

People say stupid things. I just smile and nod. We were going to have a gap of 18 month between the first and starting to conceive, but a double ovulation through the family planning out the window by 2 months. First will be just beyond her 2nd birthday before the second arrive. That seems to be long just enough that people don't ask about it. We are both 40, so waiting longer was only going to decrease our chances. I completely understand going for it.

My brother and I are 11 months apart in age. He was definitely and oops, but so was I. My parents heard about it from everyone. But it made no difference to us as kids.

I agree with this, think like the penguins in madagasca "Just smile and wave boys, just smile and wave...." :wave:

Hahaha I shall try. It's becoming increasingly difficult to be polite though. I literally had to bite my tongue with a lady who worked in our local shop today, I almost unleashed full scale pregnancy rage on her.

 

[MoBaby]

People are idiots. People say to me all the time oh you're having another boy so when will you try for a girl? When I tell them this is it they are like oh you don't want a girl? So then I tell them nope, me and my husband suffer from infertility so us having 2 boys is a blessing. People choose to have a close age gap and I there is nothing wrong with that.

Jessica your penguin comment made me laugh! Only because for the past 3 months we watch Madagascar in the car every single day.

 

[LoveCakes]

Urge I hate this too. I'll have just under 2 years and get the 'was it a surprise' question. It was actually the result of fertility treatment just like my first; we were just very lucky.

I enjoy making up responses in my head though I'd probably never have the guts to say them

 

[imaceful]

Mine are 6, 4, 1 and in utero.

My youngests two will have an 18m age gap and I forever get...

"Are you mental!?"
"Are you insane!?"
"What WERE you thinking!?"
"I'm surprised you didn't stop with the boy, now you'll have three girls!"

The list is endless and all are equally infuriating and hurtful.

I just smile and nod, unless someone catches me on a bad day to which I say "no, she wasn't an accident, where you??"

People are stupid. Ignore them and enjoy your family

 

[3babesforme]

i get all kinds of crap for having a 14 month age gap, even now that they are nearly 4 and 5...

and my mom got all kinds of crap for having my brother and i 9 years apart.

you just can't win!

 

[Lucasmum]

Maryanne I'm getting similar but with the large age gap, "Oh did you get a new partner is that why your starting again", "you must be mad your surley long done with the baby side of things", "you cant have planned it at your age can you?" and the best one "couldnt you have waited a few years and just had grandkids", my DS is only 9 not sure how young they want him to start but it will be over my dead body within a few years

Yes I must be crazy and no it isnt a new partner and p!** off to you all you dont know our history and no it wasnt planned I'm 40 and knackered why would I plan this but we are both grown ups and are perfectly aware of what can happen if you dont put a coat on it

 

[Tasha]

People are so rude aren't they? I got lots of comments similar to that when I had my older ones (15 months gap and then 34 months gap but with a full term stillbirth in the middle). I think had a seven year age gap and get the oh was he planned, an accident, new man questions. Awkward when it's because I was ttc that whole time and had 16 MC and a stillbirth. That's why those questions are best left unsaid as both you and I have personal reasons we might not want to share.

Incidently I loved the close age gap and kept ttc right away after each of mine so don't listen to people who tell you horror stories.

 

[maryanne1987]

I'm with you ladies on the long age gap comments. The do you have a new partner one was the worst and the most hurtful. No I'm actually still with the same man who's stuck by me through 16 miscarriges, and countless years of ttc. I'm not stupid enough to let him slip away. Although I found the worst comments were when we were ttc and people assumed I was infertile and kept giving me tips on how to fall pregnant. How I didnt murder anyone I will never know.

Now I just want people to leave us alone. We aren't stupid, we know there will only be 14 months between dd and our new little man so just leave us alone and and stop trying to ruin our excitement.

 

[Smille24]

I'm also experiencing comments, but on a large age gap (7yrs). It's starting to get really old. We struggled for almost 2.5 yrs with infertility. I usually reply that "it wasn't by choice" or "sorry our timing wasnt good enough for you". I swear people need to mind their own business and stop being so rude. Today at my dd's check up her dr rudely asked why we waited so long to have another child. I wanted to snap. Who cares if we have a large age gap or small? There is no perfect age gap. I'd imagine people will ask if we'll try for a boy after this one is born.

 

[_jellybean_]

My two are 12 months apart and we got a lot of little comments, but no one was outright rude, iykwim? Just curious, I think...so we would explain why we wanted them so close. I never got the feeling that anyone was being malicious, just nosy! Lots of nosy people in the world! Some close friends/family members thought that it would be tough with them so close, and it is, but I love it! It's really wonderful now that they're playing together more.