Just another rant

[lisaalove]

I don't expect or really want replies I just know I'll feel better to get it off my chest. I don't get why we sent our eldest son to spend a few weeks with his grandparents in Alaska (my mother and father) if he was just going to use every moment that I'm not at work to hang out with his friends leaving me alone with baby for hours. (Not that I really mind it) what I mind is that I work from 630pm- 130am and I get off come straight home and baby usually wakes up for his 2 am feed shortly after I get home. So I feed him then go to bed after he falls back asleep. Well my oh stays up till 4 am and I wake up again at 5 am for a feed then back to bed and up at 8 ish till 10 then nap again when baby naps. I feel like I'm not ever getting sleep, and oh will sleep soundly till noon if not later... then he gets up goes out for his morning smoke and spends 30 minutes outside (because it really takes that long *rolls eyes*) and comes back in and gets on the computer or goes back outside and messes with his bike. Then his friend usually comes over like two hours after he wakes up.
Us sending our first to spend a few weeks in Alaska was supposed to be our bonding time for the three of us. It wasn't supposed to be him leaving for hours having friends over 24/7 and me being overly tired trying to take care of baby and then having to go to work at night. I feel like I do everything, while I know that isn't entirely true I could sure as hell be a single mom again and it wouldn't be much different other than instead of him watching Collin at night it would be my mother or father. I want to talk tohim aabout it but he's a horrid talker. We don't ccommunicate because every time I try to talk to him he just gets angry and says "that's not true!" "I help more than you think" "fine I'll just leave then"
Sometimes I question if he even wants to be in this relationship, but sometimes he'sreally good. Sometimes I'll come home and dishes will be done the floor will be swept. But most the time the laundry, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, general cleaning is all left up to me. The only thing he does fairly consistently is cook. I feel like I resent him almost, he looks at me and asks can I go ride with some friends and wwhat am I to do but say yes? Because if I say no then he will just huff and puff all day and make out like I never let him do anything. What about me? What about my freedom? He acts like if I want to go to the store and pick something up really quick like it's the biggest deal like why can't you take the baby with? I watch him all night you can watch him during the day. And again I love mmy children but sometimes it would be nice just to have a few minutes alone. I can't even take a shower without getting handed Collin 5 seconds after I step out most the time, unless he's sleeping (which is the only time I get to take a shower because it's too much of an ordeal for him to wwatch collin while he's awake and I'm in the shower) I'm just so fed up with him having friends over 24/7 and not feeling like I get any help and feeling alone. I want some attention I want some time with you. That was why we had our eldest go with my parents after all. Not so you could leave me with Collin and go do whatever your hearts content is.
I'm just so fed up and so tired of it all. I want you to care and I want you to want to be a family and want to spend time with us. Not leave every chance you get. I feel ignored and lonely. He laughs when I say I feel lonely, he acts like just because we live together it's impossible for me to feel alone . I just don't know what to do because I don't feel like I can talk to him about this without him just blowing it off or getting angry. I pretty much give up on feeling like we have a healthy relationship

 

[Hippiemomlife]

I know you weren't expecting replies but I feel like I could have written this. Aside from your bf going out with friends, my bf just plays computer. I felt the exact same way as you many times when DS was born and a couple months after. Now I feel like my bf is stepping up a bit more, or maybe I'm just less stressed about everything. Ill have a shower and then literally I'm still wet and I hear DS screaming and bf yells at me to hurry up... or I'll try and get out for like half an hour to go grocery shopping alone and it's always "why can't you just take him with you?". So I know how you feel but it gets better. I think men just don't understand or rather, CANT understand what we go through as mothers. Nothing really changes for them except that there is noise and less money lol. I've cut my bf a bit of slack and I feel like he's really turned around within the last month or so. I hope things work out for you too! Just continue being the best mom you can be for your babes!