Just been told I am to have a home birth, OH says NO

[misspeach24]

Hello,

My midwife yesterday let me know that as everything is running so smoothly i have no medical reason to have a hosp or my planned for birthing centre birth. So I would have to pay more if I did want the use of the room at a birthing centre.
I was really up for the idea of a home delivery after she told me that as I can actually use my bathtub if I wanted to gove birth in the water. The idea of being relaxed at home, my music, bath, bed and not having to make that journey there and back again.
When I told my boyfriend who I live with here in nederland, he said NO way! So then i explained if he has a problem with it he can pay for the birthing centre then, he also wont do this...so I say, will i have her on the street outside then or in the park, in december lol! Because thats the only other option. My boyfriend has never been happy with the pregnancy and admits he doesnt want children and only cares for himself. Our amazing relationship has been not the best since pregnancy. But despite everything we both still love each other very much. He's just still not accepting I'm pregnant and wont have anything to do with the baby so far. His mum is different and wants to be there and I think his sis does too.
At this late stage its virtually impossible to arrange the birth in my home country, and i dont want to go back there anyway.

Oh well hope he comes round eventually, I'm going to call his mum and let her know this situation too, thats all I can do right now.

 

[JenStar1976]

Sorry that your OH isn't being as supportive as he should be. It's really up to you to decide what's best for you and it's good that your OH's mother and sister are at least being supportive. You've still got a few months to go, so perhaps during that time your OH will come round a bit more?

Where is your home country by the way? xx

 

[milkmachine]

Hello,

My midwife yesterday let me know that as everything is running so smoothly i have no medical reason to have a hosp or my planned for birthing centre birth. So I would have to pay more if I did want the use of the room at a birthing centre.
I was really up for the idea of a home delivery after she told me that as I can actually use my bathtub if I wanted to gove birth in the water. The idea of being relaxed at home, my music, bath, bed and not having to make that journey there and back again.
When I told my boyfriend who I live with here in nederland, he said NO way! So then i explained if he has a problem with it he can pay for the birthing centre then, he also wont do this...so I say, will i have her on the street outside then or in the park, in december lol! Because thats the only other option. My boyfriend has never been happy with the pregnancy and admits he doesnt want children and only cares for himself. Our amazing relationship has been not the best since pregnancy. But despite everything we both still love each other very much. He's just still not accepting I'm pregnant and wont have anything to do with the baby so far. His mum is different and wants to be there and I think his sis does too.
At this late stage its virtually impossible to arrange the birth in my home country, and i dont want to go back there anyway.

Oh well hope he comes round eventually, I'm going to call his mum and let her know this situation too, thats all I can do right now.

this bit makes me think sod what he thinks and carry on planning a homebirth because its your body and your birth!

 

[KandyKinz]

It doesn't sound like your in a good situation at all

Personally, I feel that your boyfriend does not sound as though he's gonna be much of a support whether at home or hospital. I'm so glad his mother is being supportive because it truly does help to have someone there for you where ever you are...

Anyways, like milk machine said... it's your body and your birth and ultimately your decision as to where you give birth.

 

[misspeach24]

Thanks for your support! I come from scotland but live in the netherlands for nearly 4 years now, I lived with my boyfriend sinds februari this year.
I think he's overly freaked out by the whole thing, and thinks the experience will be very messy, maybe I should make him watch some waterbirth vidoes!
I really do hope he comes around, because leaving here at this stage is just too much for me. We do really love each other its just the whole baby thing thats thrown him...poor thing, he really doesnt seem to know how to deal with it, and the changes. It being a big part of my life at the moment has made us have a lot of conflict, I'm feeling often alone with the pregnancy. Well persivierence is the key, and not letting anything bring stress
Thanks for understanding x

 

[milkmachine]

the midwives will deal with all of the messy stuff if that helps?

 

[SactoSweetie]

Oh sweetie, that's terrible I am so glad you are healthy and able to have a home birth, but your boyfriend sounds like a handful. That being said, you sound amazingly calm and patient in spite of his behavior. Good luck to all three of you and congrats again on being a healthy Mommy!

 

[Wispyshadow]

So sorry you are having to deal with such stress. Maybe he is just scared. Has he talked to your midwife? But I totally agree with everyone else and it is your body and what you feel is best for your and baby is what you should do.

 

[Rmar]

So his reason is just with the mess. Is he your main support person during the labour? Do you think you could cope through the labour without him? I know it isn't the greatest option but if he never comes around, would you think of it? It is absolutely your choice and there is no reason for you to be anywhere but home.

I'm so sorry that you feel alone with this. Do you think he would sit and watch some birth videos with you?

 

[bubbles]

Hello,

My midwife yesterday let me know that as everything is running so smoothly i have no medical reason to have a hosp or my planned for birthing centre birth. So I would have to pay more if I did want the use of the room at a birthing centre.
I was really up for the idea of a home delivery after she told me that as I can actually use my bathtub if I wanted to gove birth in the water. The idea of being relaxed at home, my music, bath, bed and not having to make that journey there and back again.
When I told my boyfriend who I live with here in nederland, he said NO way! So then i explained if he has a problem with it he can pay for the birthing centre then, he also wont do this...so I say, will i have her on the street outside then or in the park, in december lol! Because thats the only other option. My boyfriend has never been happy with the pregnancy and admits he doesnt want children and only cares for himself. Our amazing relationship has been not the best since pregnancy. But despite everything we both still love each other very much. He's just still not accepting I'm pregnant and wont have anything to do with the baby so far. His mum is different and wants to be there and I think his sis does too.
At this late stage its virtually impossible to arrange the birth in my home country, and i dont want to go back there anyway.

Oh well hope he comes round eventually, I'm going to call his mum and let her know this situation too, thats all I can do right now.

this bit makes me think sod what he thinks and carry on planning a homebirth because its your body and your birth!

I have to agree with this, if he has no interest in the baby what right does he have to tell you how to birth? Personally if home birth was really what I wanted and OH had the same attitude I would do it regardless of his opinion

 

[mumof1+1]

Hello,

My midwife yesterday let me know that as everything is running so smoothly i have no medical reason to have a hosp or my planned for birthing centre birth. So I would have to pay more if I did want the use of the room at a birthing centre.
I was really up for the idea of a home delivery after she told me that as I can actually use my bathtub if I wanted to gove birth in the water. The idea of being relaxed at home, my music, bath, bed and not having to make that journey there and back again.
When I told my boyfriend who I live with here in nederland, he said NO way! So then i explained if he has a problem with it he can pay for the birthing centre then, he also wont do this...so I say, will i have her on the street outside then or in the park, in december lol! Because thats the only other option. My boyfriend has never been happy with the pregnancy and admits he doesnt want children and only cares for himself. Our amazing relationship has been not the best since pregnancy. But despite everything we both still love each other very much. He's just still not accepting I'm pregnant and wont have anything to do with the baby so far. His mum is different and wants to be there and I think his sis does too.
At this late stage its virtually impossible to arrange the birth in my home country, and i dont want to go back there anyway.

Oh well hope he comes round eventually, I'm going to call his mum and let her know this situation too, thats all I can do right now.

this bit makes me think sod what he thinks and carry on planning a homebirth because its your body and your birth!

I have to agree with this, if he has no interest in the baby what right does he have to tell you how to birth? Personally if home birth was really what I wanted and OH had the same attitude I would do it regardless of his opinion

I have to agree with this too. If he's not bothered why even give him a choice. Personally hun, its your body and your decision. If he wants to be like that then stuff him, you don't need that emotional turmoil hanging over you right now hun.

If you ask me you should arrange your homebirth and find yourself a good friend to be your birthing partner - someone who can and will give you the support you and your baby deserve.

Wishing you lots of luck hun

Big to you

xxx

 

[misspeach24]

Hello,

My midwife yesterday let me know that as everything is running so smoothly i have no medical reason to have a hosp or my planned for birthing centre birth. So I would have to pay more if I did want the use of the room at a birthing centre.
I was really up for the idea of a home delivery after she told me that as I can actually use my bathtub if I wanted to gove birth in the water. The idea of being relaxed at home, my music, bath, bed and not having to make that journey there and back again.
When I told my boyfriend who I live with here in nederland, he said NO way! So then i explained if he has a problem with it he can pay for the birthing centre then, he also wont do this...so I say, will i have her on the street outside then or in the park, in december lol! Because thats the only other option. My boyfriend has never been happy with the pregnancy and admits he doesnt want children and only cares for himself. Our amazing relationship has been not the best since pregnancy. But despite everything we both still love each other very much. He's just still not accepting I'm pregnant and wont have anything to do with the baby so far. His mum is different and wants to be there and I think his sis does too.
At this late stage its virtually impossible to arrange the birth in my home country, and i dont want to go back there anyway.

Oh well hope he comes round eventually, I'm going to call his mum and let her know this situation too, thats all I can do right now.

this bit makes me think sod what he thinks and carry on planning a homebirth because its your body and your birth!

I have to agree with this, if he has no interest in the baby what right does he have to tell you how to birth? Personally if home birth was really what I wanted and OH had the same attitude I would do it regardless of his opinion

Well its his house thats why I guess. I dont know why exactly he doesnt agree. He doesnt agree with the whole pregnancy

Sometimes i even feel stupid for going thru with this (because our relationship has suffered so much) but at the same time I love him and want to have his child, and loved this child from the moment I knew, as I thought perhaps I wouldnt have this chance ever again as in the past that area has had probs. I called his mum (she doesnt speak much english and my dutch is pretty basic so somehow difficult to communicate) she is going to get back to me to meet up, then I can tell her my situation.
Things are really bad sometimes and I feel like I cant take living here with him anymore. I'm worried about my stress affecting baby. The thing is I still love him and I know he loves me, but now thinking the best thing for the child now and not for us. I think that is for me to leave....But.....having it all arranged here with the lovely midwifes and I also want him to see the baby being born, or afterwards (he has to come home at some point, and she is to be born here). Giving him one last chance, the chance to see his child. I have it in my mind to have her here in this house, I feel safe and relaxed here, I feel its like home. Going back to my home country on the plane has to be done before a certain number of weeks before the due date. My mum has told me that its difficult to get a home birth in Scotland, and being mentally and phisically pertified of going to the hosp there (past experiences, not wanting a hosp birth, distrust of modern medicine), its seems there too stressful to go back before the birth.
If things continue to go bad with boyfriend/father I plan to go back for Xmas/new year and start a fresh away from him (but hopefully still in contact).
Sorry to go on, just a lot to explain!