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The condom didnt break, and Ive had two periods so far (nothing heavy, no pain, no huge clots, second one way light.)
And im still testing positive, although faint, and Im def feeling the cramping and stretching, and fullness and tiredness. I even posted in the preg test fourm to make sure I wasnt making up those lines, and several women saw them, so why am I still telling myself Im not, or Im making this up, and the test were broken.
I even said to myself if anyone else saw those positives then its true, but Im still in great denial. I even have a freaking line going all the way down my stomach and Im still making up excuses
I brought this up to the father, and he said I was seeing things, then I got my first period, and he called me some extremely mean names and left, then came back and I asked him to say sorry and he said those things were true about me.
And I got my second period, and it all started settling in that it might be possible because it was so much lighter, it was just random spotting every 30 minutes.
And I convinced myself that its impossible, and I came to this point right now saying Ill try 4 more test and If I still get positives then its true, and I have and its gotten dark enough to show up in pictures, with a crappy webcam.
And right now, I have no idea what to do, saying I tell my mom is easier saying than doing, Ive called clinics to try and make sure this baby is ok, but they all have no transportation services. I have no one to talk to because all of my friends are hardcore christians (no offense, I am christian but they are to that if you do this we hate you point) so I cant talk to them, and ive talked to one friend, she believes me she wants me to get an abortion which is out of the question.
And telling the father is also out of the question, because he is just the biggest loser in the world, all he does since he left me is go to work and drink and get high on cough syrup until he passes out,
and it really does annoy me because every night he passed out I made sure he was breathing, and made sure he was ok, I stayed up until 2 or 3 every night making sure he was ok, even on school nights, I helped him through all of his freaking court cases, I told him he was going to get through it all, when he thought he was going to jail, and was going to give up on probation, and I stuck with him when he was homeless for those few months when his family just let him sleep outside and when he came down here, I gave up my graduation present and prom dress, and senior pictures to make sure he was ok every night..and one day he just decides he doesnt like it down here and hes going to leave and if I dont come with him by my 18th birthday then he is going to completely ignore me.
and after 6 years of being his positivity through all of this shit, Ive been reduced to a lying dumb bitch.
and now im sitting here on the bathroom, in denial about being pregnant ranting.
I just needed to get all of that out.
And im still testing positive, although faint, and Im def feeling the cramping and stretching, and fullness and tiredness. I even posted in the preg test fourm to make sure I wasnt making up those lines, and several women saw them, so why am I still telling myself Im not, or Im making this up, and the test were broken.
I even said to myself if anyone else saw those positives then its true, but Im still in great denial. I even have a freaking line going all the way down my stomach and Im still making up excuses
I brought this up to the father, and he said I was seeing things, then I got my first period, and he called me some extremely mean names and left, then came back and I asked him to say sorry and he said those things were true about me.
And I got my second period, and it all started settling in that it might be possible because it was so much lighter, it was just random spotting every 30 minutes.
And I convinced myself that its impossible, and I came to this point right now saying Ill try 4 more test and If I still get positives then its true, and I have and its gotten dark enough to show up in pictures, with a crappy webcam.
And right now, I have no idea what to do, saying I tell my mom is easier saying than doing, Ive called clinics to try and make sure this baby is ok, but they all have no transportation services. I have no one to talk to because all of my friends are hardcore christians (no offense, I am christian but they are to that if you do this we hate you point) so I cant talk to them, and ive talked to one friend, she believes me she wants me to get an abortion which is out of the question.
And telling the father is also out of the question, because he is just the biggest loser in the world, all he does since he left me is go to work and drink and get high on cough syrup until he passes out,
and it really does annoy me because every night he passed out I made sure he was breathing, and made sure he was ok, I stayed up until 2 or 3 every night making sure he was ok, even on school nights, I helped him through all of his freaking court cases, I told him he was going to get through it all, when he thought he was going to jail, and was going to give up on probation, and I stuck with him when he was homeless for those few months when his family just let him sleep outside and when he came down here, I gave up my graduation present and prom dress, and senior pictures to make sure he was ok every night..and one day he just decides he doesnt like it down here and hes going to leave and if I dont come with him by my 18th birthday then he is going to completely ignore me.
and after 6 years of being his positivity through all of this shit, Ive been reduced to a lying dumb bitch.
and now im sitting here on the bathroom, in denial about being pregnant ranting.
I just needed to get all of that out.
You should really get to a doctor, hun. At least get some prenatal vitamins because you're almost in your 2nd tri!
xxx
