Just don't know what to do anymore....

[leeboo]

Hi everyone, I have posted on this forum before and got some really good advice and am hoping that I can get some again, sorry if I have posted in the wrong part but I think it should be ok here.

My ex partner and I split up in July, after a series of rows, and generally not getting on very well, it was all a bit confusing as I thought I was just giving him some space, but he took it as us splitting, he was working away at the time, and within a day of us splitting he was arranging to move in with his friend, so I asked his friend to put him off for a couple of days just to see if we could work things out, if not then go ahead and make plans, this really annoyed him, and he called me and said he was "100% serious" about us splitting.

So time went by, it got a bit nasty for a while, then after a month we started getting on well, and he was spending days with our son (who is 36 months) he occasionally told me he still loved me, and he wanted us to sort things out, I said nothing and carried on as normal, I even went on a couple of dates, but didn't even kiss anyone else. I was so unsure what I wanted, I didn't say a word back to him like that.

Now about 6 weeks ago he was working away and I had been trying to contact him for 4 days straight, no reply, so I logged onto his emails, I only wanted to check he had been reading them so I would know he was OK. Found out he had been sleeping with someone else, he mentioned he loved her, but she's married, it really hit me hard as he had been coming back to me telling me he loved me etc. I called him straight away, and he answered after about the 10th time, and I flipped out, said I couldn't beleive he would hurt me like this, he said he was sorry, it was over, he only did it as he wasn't sure about us.

Turns out this woman had been someone he worked with, and he ended up getting sacked because of it, I had calmed down within a couple of days, and he asked if he could stay in the spare room for a bit till he got himself a job and sorted out, and I agreed, thought it would be nice for our son, and he has paid half the mortgage for a while, plus he was saying he had no where else to go (kind of true as hes fallen out with his parents, and he mate who he was going to live with is looking after his own kid while her mum sorts herself out).

There is loads more to this than I am writing, as I don't want to bore anyone, so right now he is living here, I sometimes think that we can work things out, then I wonder how I can trust him again, after I found out he had been sleeping with someone, it plays on my mind so much and makes me feel sick, then I go back to the fact we where split up at the time, and do I really have the right to be that angry? I also found a photo in his phone of them together which was taken the day after we split up (he reckons the date must have been set wrong in his phone) and I can't help thinking there was something going on before we split, he swears on our sons life that there wasn't. Even though we aren't together now I still drive myself crazy wondering where he is going, who he is phoning, its not healthy, we said we would see how things go, then he is 100% adament he wants to move out, and sort his life out, hence we are stuck in some odd limbo, where I am just waiting for him to move out, and mostly angry and paranoid, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Any help would be really appreciated.

 

[littlekitten8]

Must be really hard to deal with having your ex living with you. Personally I wouldn't have him living there. It just makes things a whole lot more complicated. He obviously has no intentions of being with you (or he wouldnt have done all of those things). My advice is simple. Kick his ass out so that you can look at things rationally without having that muddying the waters. You won't be able to think straight while he is there. Good luck hun.

 

[Mally01]

I agree, I don't think it helps the situation at all if he is living with you. It's easier to fall into old habits and feel like you are still in a relationship. Is there any way you can tell him it's best if he finds somewhere else to stay? I would tell him straight that you need time and that you need to get your head sorted about this relationship he had with this other woman. Okay, you may have been split up at the time, but you have your doubts about whether they were carrying on before that?. I wouldn't trust him, he has not proved trustworthy in other things, so tread carefully and take things slowly xx hugs xx

 

[jessrabbit]

I think you need to keep the pressure on him to leave, he has said he is 100% sure he wants to split and his behaviour seems to back this up.

I would say that its much harder for you as the one cheated on, but you need him to leave and come to terms with the fact that it doesnt matter anymore what he is doing as you are not with him. I know its hard to swallow, but once you do you will probably feel a great deal of relief that he is no longer your problem.

Hugs to you, it must be an agonising time having him still living with you x

 

[Laura2919]

My friend lives with her ex. I personally couldnt do it, I'd be inside for murder.

I agree that you need to get him to leave and come to terms with all you have had to deal with..