just need someone to finally understand my story

[heatherlyne90]

this is my story and i just feel like i need someone to talk to who will understand or just to vent about how heart broken i am after almost 4 years.


when i was 17 i got pregnant and even though i was scared to death i was very greatful because i had been told that i was unable to concieve, after 15 weeks of getting to know and build a relationship with my little Camden Andrew i began to feel severe pain that lasted for hours! I lost him on August 12th 2008 at 5am... my heart was shattered and ive never been the same, i find myself thinking about him all of the time wondering who he would be and who he would look like, if he would be a comedian like his dad or if life would just kind of happen to him like me (clumsy and it being funny) I miss him so much and it still feels like apart of my heart is missing, i hate it!
I am now 21 and ready to try and start a family but nothing is happening... my fiance and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost 4 months now and every month it turns out that im not pregnant... im so scared that Cam was my only chance to be a mother and I often find myself asking God why he would take my little peanut away from me. On another angle of the situation i am not sure i even want another baby, im scared that i will forget him! even though my body has been screaming at me to try again... can anyone relate? please im not sure how to handle this

 

[Dollface]

You will never forget him, hun!

Just be patient, and have faith. Am sending you lots of prayers and good vibes. I was adopting a baby from a friend, and when we went for the ultrasound, on August 12, 2008, we found the baby had passed.It was just 13 weeks along, but after the first u/s, seeing it move, seeing it's lil face, well, it was just devestating. I often mourn for that lost baby, but am praising God everyday that I was able to concieve using AI at home, and now have my beautiful daughter. We may never know why our babies didn't make it to our arms, but they will forever be in our hearts. Please don't give up. Have faith, ok?

 

[heatherlyne90]

thank you so much! i just feel very alone but what you said is very encouraging

 

[Andypanda6570]

You will never ever forget Camden Andrew, it's impossible, believe me You are not alone and definitely never in this section, we all understand.. I lost my Ava at 20 weeks on 3/3/2011. I gave birth to her in my home. We went to the hospital held her and we buried her on 3/11/2011
She was a total surprise for me, I already had 3 boys 20, 17 and 11 and at age 40 I found out I was pregnant and finally with my little girl. I was so excited and so happy and had so many plans Everything was fine until i went in for a sonogram and they told me she was gone , i still am devastated over her death. I never thought I could miss someone so much I will never be the same nor will I ever get over her, ever/ she is everywhere I am and I feel her everyday. A mother knows when her child is near For me it has been a long journey of so much pain, does it get better, i don't know, it gets manageable. But there are so many days that I am just so empty and then days I am ok,. My heart has a hole and I don't think that will ever go away until I leave this earth. We all know how you feel and we are all here for you. If you ever need to talk i am here. Wishing you all the best, Andrea
XOXOXXO

 

[heatherlyne90]

yea thats exactly how i feel and its been almost 4 years! i hate the fact that he isnt here with me in my arms where i can protect him

actually lastnight i had to fight with someone, i posted on my facebook that i loved him and that i cant wait till he sees the new tattoo im getting for him and my uncle jumped in and said im better off and i dodged a bullet! i was ready to tair him to pieces cause i felt like a wave of just sheer anger and i have a very protective nature to begin with but it triples when people disrespect him and act like he was nothing, he may have been to the people around me but to his father and me hes still our son.

 

[davidjoemum]

hi first of all i am very sorry for your loss
you will never forget your son believe me i lost mine 8 years ago and now i have 1 year old boy and im pregnant again due in 11 days and my angel is always in my heart.
just have faith and be patient and Im sure everything will worked out for you.

 

[Joanna82]

Hi heatherlyne90

I am very sorry about your loss. I lost my baby boy at 25 weeks 2 months ago and Im thinking about him every day. When me and my boyfriend tried to get pregnant with our boy, we tried about 3 months and he was wondering why it takes so much time. I read on the internet that some couples try for a baby even for 1 year so that put my mind at rest. Don't worry and continue to try for a baby, don't give up, this day will come eventually.

xxx