Just need to write it down

[browneyes121]

I haven't felt like I could post in here before, I don't know when the nicu bit got added but when my son was in scbu it was just a preemie board? Anyway.

I was diagnosed with cholorisis at 35 weeks. At 37 weeks they decided to induce me. It didn't work so five days later they decided to section me. They assured me the baby would be fine.
He was born at 37 and 5 and straight away I knew there was something wrong. He was grunting and didn't stop crying. He got taken to scbu an they told me he would be out in a few hours and that lots of babies born via c section struggle because not all the fluid is squeezed out of their lungs.

Seeing him in that little incubator was horrific. He looked so poorly. Long story short, he spent 9 days in the high dependency ward. Nothing compared to what some of you have Ben through but it still haunts me.
I feel so mad at everyone. I cry every time I head about a birth- because I'm
Mad that I was robbed of a good birth. I'm mad I never got the moment I was looking forward to- introducing our daughter to her brother and having those precious moment of a family of four for the first time. I'm
Mad my partner couldn't hold him till he was 4 days old. I'm mad that at 13 weeks he only weighs 10lbs and I'm
Sick of hearing how tiny he is. I want to throttle people who are pregnant and say that they are trying to get the baby moving at 37 weeks cause that's "full term and safe"- HOW CAN YOU BE SURE? DOCTORA TOLD ME MY BABY WOULD BE FINE AND I SPENT 9 DAYS WATCHING HIM THROUGH A PLASTIC BOX.

I just want to know when it gets easier?

 

[AP]

Welcome to the board hun (yes it has been expanded for those with NICU babies)

Time is definately a healer, that I promise, it get easier. It's early days still and you aren't expected just to build a bridge and get over it. As he grows with time it will still be a memory but the good will outweigh those hard times

 

[Foogirl]

But to be fair, we've always welcomed non preemie NNICU mummies and daddies The change to title is a great idea.

When does it get easier? I'm 3 and a half years down the line and I'm not sure it's easier even now.

One thing though, never consider what you've been through as anything lesser, just because you were "full term". The pregnancy cut short, the traumatic birth and seeing your little one struggling to survive is no easier because they have reached a certain gestation. Of course different gestations bring different challenges but they are none of them easy. 9 days in NNICU might not be 9 weeks, but it's hard all the same. The first week or two is always the hardest and I think it hits full term mums the hardest. After all, you were told it would all be ok, we at least have an expectation of having to go to NNICU.

You will get through it, the memories subside and watching your little miracle thrive and grow is that bit more special. Ignore comparisons, ignore insensitive idiots who will try to compare your experience to the fact their birth was "traumatic" because they didn't get the tea and toast they ordered, and remember the strength you take from this experience, you can draw on in the future.

If you want support or counselling, check out the Bliss website (they're not just a preemie organisation)

 

[Gemble]

I don't think it does. It's been 14 months for me and I still find myself thinking about the 'what if's' I try and concentrate on how well my daughter is doing now and how lucky I am. Ur little dude is obviously a strong boy and he draws that strength from u if u need to be angry then that's ok but don't let it stop u enjoying what u have now

Chin up lovely

Xxx